[AllieKat]

Just curious about this…any signs of mlc you see now that you maybe didn’t notice at first?  My story has no happy ending or closure because my mlcer passed away while we weren’t talking and divorce was proceeding.  However since his passing I have seen new photos of him and upon going to his apt Finding he virtually erased me and us. Not even a picture of our daughter up at his apt. Not even clothes I got him.

But he apparently started wearing hats beanies and non sports team hats. In a photo on his memorial a photo of him in July in a beanie and one in Feb at a funeral in a corduroy black hat. He never wore beanies except in winter and would never of worn matching hat to funeral. Just odd to me! It honestly is so sad. Plus “friends “ he didnt have 18 months ago saying he was their best friend. Its so hard to stomach how different he became but yet how he seemed so normal to everyone else. Even my daughter who first started noticing he was doing different things says “he was happy” ugh

[OffRoad]

It is my opinion they put on the "happy" face. Being "happy" is no excuse for betraying people, also IMO.

Most of us noticed oddities. I, personally, saw strange behaviors but wrote it off to having trouble at work or losing his job. Mine, like yours, wanted to pretend I never existed. After lying to me, about me, gaslighting me, cheating on me, verbally abusing me and abandoning me, how could he live with himself unless he made me into a horrible person that he didn't want to remember?

It took a while, but hindsight being 20/20, I have the following:
He took everyone else's side but mine.
He would do what he promised for everyone except me.
He would pick fights in the car on the way somewhere,  then walk into whatever event all charm and smiles while I tried to put myself back together.
He'd pick fights late when I was tired.
He'd come home late and not call. When he decided we "weren't together"  but still lived in the same house, suddenly he called every night.
I noticed people looking at me oddly. Turned out he was lying about me to them, saying I was "bats#!+ crazy" and they were wondering what he was talking about.
He hid money.
He lost 3 Jobs in short order.
He started treating our  then 16yo D and her friends like girlfriends (creepy as all get out).
He started spending money on fancy meals.
He forgot how to eat with chopsticks. And thought I didn't know how.
He took things I had done in my life and claimed those adventures as his.
He'd interrupt when I talked. Every single time until I told him to knock it off.
He'd do some lousy thing, then when I called him on it, blamed me for it. (Think of it like someone stealing from you and when you show them proof they stole from you, they tell you it was your fault for allowing them to steal from you).
Would say or do something, then claim he hadn't done it.
I'm sure there is more. I'm so far along I could not care less, so it's hard to remember. I do think we give them the benefit of the doubt because I believe we think they have the same honor, integrity  and loyalty we do. And some people either don't have that, or lose it somewhere. My experience only.