[Standing Strong]

New thread!!!!

Here's my old thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12084.0

At last, the end game has arrived!!! How exciting!!!

The R talk I've been waiting for has come, and is ongoing.
This time the tables have completely turned, and now it's W on the defense.

We talked until 4am last night........
She wanted an R talk, and surprisingly enough, she started it like one of the old R talks from back in the day...... My fault, confused, lost, not happy, etc.
And I knew it was time...... I had felt it coming for days.
Well, I said "there is no talking about US and the future until the last several years are sorted out".
She was not pleased about this - and said "What's that going to do..... I don't want to fight, and pointing fingers at each other isn't going to solve anything".
I don't want to fight either...... so I let her know and restated that there was no future until the past is sorted out.
She didn't understand, so I asked her to tell me the last several years.
She did. It was very short, and no real details. She talked about us growing apart, avoiding each other, and the usual superficial stuff.
I listened...... she got to the end, and paused. "Are you going to say anything?".
I said: "I've been waiting seven years for you to talk about the last seven years...... and what you just said is NOT the last seven years".
She paused, and told me she didn't know what I was talking about.

I said no problem, I'm going to give you some examples....... I then laid out the first two super weird phone events, the calls in the middle of the night, her super weird behavior. She said she didn't know what I was talking about. She had no memory of that. She asked if I was gaslighting her: I was telling her one thing and her memory was telling her another.
I put forth another event from before MLC, about a guy hitting on her and the resulting weird response. She remembered that.
I went further into all the phone events after BD, her hiding, her running away, her disappearing for days........ She vaguely remembered some of that and none of other parts. She jumped to accusing me of coming to the conclusion she was having an affair. I explained how I was the last one to hold out hope that it wasn't true - that HER family ALL came to that conclusion already, I was the last holdout. She became silent. I went on my version of letting it all out, and unloaded. Event after event after event.
I went into the night she broke, everything she said, everything she did. She claimed she had no memory of any of it. She couldn't believe she had done that, and I got a quiet "I'm sorry for treating you that way, that's unacceptable". She asked if she was multi personality, if she was possessed...... she admitted she couldn't remember any of that time period, and she was afraid. She started thinking out loud, and was recalling a hotel room on a business trip, concentrating hard...... she stopped. "Oh God..... I can't trust myself".

She was sobbing hysterically...... I put my hand on her arm, but I was unmoved. What is real, and what is not? What is she concealing and what is true? Not my job to mindread, but the line has been drawn..... she knows where I am and I will not be moved. Eventually she stopped crying after starting and stopping multiple times.

After a pause, she asked "Why did you stay?". I explained. She was silent again. I went thru more examples.
I began to quiz her...... asking her details about things we had done together during her MLC...... she only knew the most basic recollections, and only after thinking really hard. Fine detail: all gone. She went on and on about not remembering hardly anything, just giant blanks. She tried to explain some things and they all fell apart under scrutiny. It was evident she didn't want it to be true..... that she couldn't do what was being said. She didn't win on a single point.

I wasn't going to knock her head off all in one go, it was 4am by the time we needed a little sleep before work today. She needs time to process, and search herself.... but I won't accept lies, I won't accept rewriting of history...... and I won't, I won't, I won't, allow the issue to slip away. The door has been opened and it will not close until there is resolution.
My ultimate question of "What's left?" will be answered, and choice is mine.

As for her, I don't know what she knows and what is gone. I knew there would be memory loss, how far and how deep = I'm going to find out.
For the fragment she has become, what is being exposed or recalled, is in complete opposition to what she is but that doesn't mean she gets a pass. ALL will be discussed.

I don't know how long this process is going to take, but it will take some time. She couldn't believe what she had done, lucky for me she doesn't have to take my word for it..... she has a therapist, a sister and a mother who had front row seats to all of it. She gets to confirm all I have said, and I have so much more to say.

As for me...... it is sad to see this person STILL so broken. I really thought she was more healed than what I witnessed this morning. I though her trauma had been mostly resolved, it is very clear it is not. Progress? Yes. Better? Yes. She opened up and said important things that she has never mentioned before in all our marriage. That's extremely good.

Now I will wait, I will let it digest until she is ready, and then it will continue.

Forward!!!! Always forward!!!

One conversation at a time.....

-SS