[RivenIN2]

Perhaps we need to consider a bit of re-wording.  Maybe rather than "live your life like they are not coming back," we could change the verbiage to "Live your life as if they are not there."  Which, of course, would be true.

Not in all cases my dear Thundarr, mine is very much right in my face all the time. lol

[Anjae]

Mine is very away but with his constant court cases he remains a elephant in the room. I’m one of those who, if it wasn’t for husband’s constantly making divorce hard (don’t ask me why since at BD he was one the one mad for one) would had been remarried by now. After all I’ve spend the past 5.9 years legally married without a marriage or a husband.

Frankly, it is waste of my life, my fertile years, and a huge financial damage. Lawyers cost a fortune. I have dated, I have no problem with that. However, since I remain legally married, it is never possible to move further on with anyone. One remains forever in the date part or has to go and cohabitate while still married. I don’t find the last attractive. I want to be free to lead my life. 

Living like they are never coming back to me means divorce, date, remarry. I've always said that, divorced, one can marry anyone, inlcuding former spouse. Married one cannot marry anyone else.

[Doc Hudson]

The evil you face is the doubt planted by Satan. That is how the LBSer is killed off by the seeds of doubt.

I don't doubt evil.  I see it plainly.  There is no doubt in me whatsoever.

The Holocaust was not caused by GOD.

I never said that it was.  From my seat, he just didn't step in. 

In fact he gave us all opportunity to stand up and speak out. I know that if I was in Germany at that time, I would have been shot too because I would have spoken against the regime. I have never been afraid to speak out against what I felt was wrong. GOD works in many ways, yet he never promised paradise while on this planet.

Personally, I would not have said a thing; rather, I would have done something about it.

Doc, I am not telling you how to live your life. However, this is a forum about standing for your marriage. If you are keeping to your vows, you don't date or pursue new partners. If you want someone new, then divorce your wife and proceed. I won't condemn you or be angry with you at all. It is your choice and your power.

I recall exchanging vows with someone, but she changed her mind.  I kept my word.  I fulfilled my vows. Those vows are now gone and I do not recall making any other vows to that person.   That said, I have no problem with other people who are similarly situated that see something honorable in "acting as if" they still have vows to fulfill.    I see such people as good people and if it gets them through the day, that's all that really matters.

[Rider]

recall exchanging vows with someone, but she changed her mind.  I kept my word.  I fulfilled my vows. Those vows are now gone and I do not recall making any other vows to that person.   That said, I have no problem with other people who are similarly situated that see something honorable in "acting as if" they still have vows to fulfill.    I see such people as good people and if it gets them through the day, that's all that really matters.

Well said Doc.  There is no one roadmap for this MLC, though like any journey, there are "rules of the road" which will give a greater certainty of a safer outcome.  That being the rules of honor, compassion, kindness (including to one's self).  There are those here that adhere to the Christian concept of vows, while others view vows as a contract which has been broken.  In my view, it really does not matter, so long as you feel comfortable with the path you've selected to follow and remain true to your core values, whatever belief system they are based upon.  Do no harm to others in the process and you will no have reason for regret.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Doc H writes: I see such people as good people and if it gets them through the day, that's all that really matters.

Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

MLC in many ways is about faith. It is about letting them go and and finding there way back to you. I am not saying that all marriages will be salvaged.

I recall exchanging vows with someone, but she changed her mind.  I kept my word.  I fulfilled my vows.

Ecclesiastes 5:4 When you vow a vow to GOD, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow.
 
Your wife is committing sin and not honoring her vows will be through HIS judgment. Just because she has lost her way does not give you the right to break those same vows. You and I have the right to demand divorce under the grounds of sexual immorality. I am just saying not to seek other relationships with others and then claim you are standing.

Anne J. : After all I’ve spend the past 5.9 years legally married without a marriage or a husband.

Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

AnneJ, I have prayed on your situation and you have all rights to sign the divorce so that you can pursue a family. Your h has sinned in the eyes of GOD and has not fulfilled his duty towards you as written in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 "......Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." Also, "Titus 2:1-15: Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and steadfastness."

Your h has failed you and GOD. Your husband has committed sexual immorality, has shown no self-control and rejected you as a wife. You have the same right to divorce and seek a new marriage. That is your choice. I am all for marriage and I stand for my marriage. However, I have read posts of physical abuse and living in fear of their spouses. Do not remain or live in fear as that will not support your spouse or yourself.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love

and each and everyday that I live:

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your GOD is with you whereever you go.

Of course I cannot finish without my favorite. It is what keeps me standing and keeps me humble. I do not have the answers nor do I know the future. I live my life in service of GOD. I am nothing compared to HIS wisdom or Love. My career or my accomplishments are nothing. Instead, I am grateful for all that he has provided me including the challenges of MLC. My journey, fraught with pain and uncertainty has made me a better father,and a better man.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices within the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

(((hugs)))

[SavingGrace]

Ready:

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

You gave me comfort and strength to my afflicted heart with this scripture. Deep gratitude.

~SG

[Anjae]

Thank you so much for your kindness and prayers, Ready. I think you know I’m not religious (spiritual, yes) and that I did not have a religious wedding. I’ve had a civil matrimony. No vows before God were exchanged. In fact no vows per se were exchanged. One promises to fulfil matrimonial duties (respect, faithfulness, loyalty assistance, support, cohabitation, joint decisions, etc.). If one of the parts breaks the marital obligations the other has the right to divorce.

My husband broke his promises I have no religious or moral obligation towards my husband. He, however, has to compensate me for breach of matrimonial obligations. Of course that there is no compensation for the break of trust and love rejection.

But, even if I’ve had a religious wedding, like you so kindly said, I would have the right to divorce him and remarry since he has rejected me as a wife and failed in is obligations has husband. I’ve wanted to divorce since April 2008, when I propose mediation to my husband. He rejected, he rejected all divorce proposals I’ve made. He runs to court and files against me, drags his own process and drags any legal request I made.

I don’t live in fear of him. I’m hundreds of miles away from him. He had become violent after BD on occasions and it was a very unpleasant situation.

I’m also pro-marriage but, sometimes, it is just not possible. Of course there are this ironies, the marriage is no longer viable but given the nation courts slowness and inefficiency one remains legally married.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices within the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I very much agree with this. MLCers and OW/OM “love” is always boisterous, they always have to show it off to as many people as possible. I also believe love endures all things, even if, there are times when we have to keep our love inside and remove ourselves from the loved person.

[Thundarr]

Proverbs 3:5-8 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Ecclesiastes 5:4 When you vow a vow to GOD, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow.
 
Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love

and each and everyday that I live:

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your GOD is with you whereever you go.

Of course I cannot finish without my favorite. It is what keeps me standing and keeps me humble. I do not have the answers nor do I know the future. I live my life in service of GOD. I am nothing compared to HIS wisdom or Love. My career or my accomplishments are nothing. Instead, I am grateful for all that he has provided me including the challenges of MLC. My journey, fraught with pain and uncertainty has made me a better father,and a better man.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices within the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

(((hugs)))

For some reason, the Bible verses bring me to tears.  Perhaps it is because part of my soul realizes that I am not abiding by the law of the faith I freely choose, or perhaps it is because I realize that I may have to turn against my faith if I choose to go in a direction that is contradictory.  I don't want to stand forever, or even any number of years, but yet again my faith dictates that W and I are joined by a bond that no Earthly person can break.  It is truly a nightmare for those of us who seek to walk the righteous road as we see it, but also face a future we would never wish for.  In many ways I envy those who do not see marriage as being "till death do us part." 

[Thundarr]

I recall exchanging vows with someone, but she changed her mind.  I kept my word.  I fulfilled my vows. Those vows are now gone and I do not recall making any other vows to that person.   That said, I have no problem with other people who are similarly situated that see something honorable in "acting as if" they still have vows to fulfill.    I see such people as good people and if it gets them through the day, that's all that really matters.

I'm not sure your vows included the phrase "so long as you hold up YOUR side of the bargain," but they may have....

Well said Doc.  There is no one roadmap for this MLC, though like any journey, there are "rules of the road" which will give a greater certainty of a safer outcome.  That being the rules of honor, compassion, kindness (including to one's self).  There are those here that adhere to the Christian concept of vows, while others view vows as a contract which has been broken.  In my view, it really does not matter, so long as you feel comfortable with the path you've selected to follow and remain true to your core values, whatever belief system they are based upon.  Do no harm to others in the process and you will no have reason for regret.

Excellent analysis, buddy.  If we can all look back and say we can be proud of how we handled ourselves then we have won a great victory.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

For some reason, the Bible verses bring me to tears.

You mentioned before that your w saw your tears as a weakness. Do not ever see your tears as a weaknees but as a window to your heart. It is your tears that show you as a good man and a good father.

You, your children and especially your wife will always be in my prayers.

(((((hugs)))))