[Foxberry]

AMEN to that!!!!

Fox xxx

[StandandDeliver]

If only these men would have the backbones to leave but they will not and do we really want a man that cannot be a MAN and strong? And yes, if they will do it to the woman they made vows to....they will do it to us in 10 years for the younger better model!

1) They don't need backbones tp leave when there are plenty of women willing to get involved and sleep with them when they are married.
2) How about "if only these men would have the backbones to commit to their marriage vows EVEN when the going gets a bit tough"
3) And yes if they will do it to the woman they made vows to.... why the hell would you think they were trustworthy in the first place??

[BirdSoul]

My H made a big point of telling me, at BD, that after he expressed his interest in OW by complaining about me (she is single, never married, no kids) she repeatedly told him, "You're not available." Duh! He thought that made her honerable, since she was trying to "resist" him. She said it over and over, and he was desperate for an escape, so he MADE himself available by leaving me, which is exactly what she wanted! She is very manipulative, but he didn't see it. Instead, she could have said, "I do not date married men." I agree with LG, love is a choice, and I would never choose to love a married man. I don't know what kind of person is attracted to an obviously troubled married man.

[Glimmer]

Not long after my H moved out, he was back home begging me to have a R chat (as clingers do).  I asked him what kind of a woman was she if she felt no guilt at encouraging him to leave his family.  He began defending her and told me that 'She feels really bad, and that she has her own guilt to live with'.

What a woman.  Almost 2years later and the R is still going on. So not that guilty then!!!

[Foxberry]

Glimmer that sounds so familiar to me!  My H said OW was distraught at what she was doing to me as her first H had cheated on her...    and that is supposed to make it ok is it?  When H dumped her at Easter to come back to me - on reading emails she kept sending to my H - it was as thought she had convinced herself she was the Wife and I was the Lover! Unbelievable... she wrote one liners like the following

Does she know how to make you happy
Does she know you don't have to spend money to have a good time
How will I know you're OK
I keep thinking of you cuddling up next to X
Is she still working
I'm lying in our bed holding on to your pillow
I can only sleep for 30 mins at a time when I do sleep
How long will this last for

etc etc etc

It was awful for me.....and I wish now I hadn't read them.... I made the foolish mistake of replying to one of her stupid emails and she wrote back immediately asking md "what gives you the right to make decisions for other people" what??? what gives ME the right? 28 years of marriage, a ring and a wedding certificate that's what I thought!   Needless to say I didn't reply again..... she would eat me up and spit me out 

My H just can't see it at all.....

Fox xxx

[limitless]

Hey Foxy,
So sorry you had to go through that....but it does show you that you never want to engage with the OW.  Gives them too much power!  And, she is quite the manipulator.

Let it go.  Let it go.

She's not worth it.  Not worth anything.  She had someone cheat on her.....it felt like hell, I'm sure ---- and then she does it to someone else.  Just a worthless human being, in my book.

Let her have the MLCer.  I'm sure he's quite the catch!  Must really be enjoyable to be around.  (Don't think that he is acting any better around her......He's a mess.  You know it).

Hugs,

Limitless

[LettingGo]

Oh, please.... my husband was scared I would get OW fired for mis-using her ho-tel employee discount and he said to me "I hope you wouldn't stoop so low!" 

Then another time, he read me an email from her to him that was saying how she felt so bad about herself for what she was doing... she was going to "get a FB account" just so she could apologize to me and if I replied back to her she wouldn't read it but she just wanted me to know how sorry she was and "DON'T try and stop me, because I'm going to do it anyway even though you tell me not to...". Did I mention he was sobbing while reading her email to me? He finished with "Now what do you think of THAT???" and I paused for a moment and said "I think it's a manipulation and you refuse to see it...."

Of course, this drama was after another fight of theirs, which was CONSTANT from the very beginning... By constant, I mean they would break up every time they slept together, LOL!! BD was February of 2009 and the breakups started in April of 2009. Yep!

The OW telling them she feels so guilty is a MANIPULATION to get him to divorce you. She's fishing to see if he will get off the divorce fence in order to save her from feeling so guilty. She doesn't feel guilty AT ALL, and neither does your husband, by the way... not at first. OW in my case moved herself and daughter in with my husband, a married man who left her ignorant a** every other week for me... so how guilty could she feel? Certainly not going to win any Mother of the Year awards as far as I'm concerned... pure trash, and my husband couldn't wait to get right down in the gutter with her. True colors.

I've been to one of those OW forums and it made me physically ill to read so many emotionally SICK individuals in one place... your husband is sick.... after 16 months of this, the contrast between the two of us is marked.... I'm still stressed out, but there is light all around me while he is deep in the fog and darkness...

By the way, you will be able to recognize women in OW state of mind when you run across them in real life now.... they emanate desperation... they are like pod people.... empty inside.... always talking about their man and the awful way he treats them, but they are unaware how bad it is.. I've met a few, and it was uncomfortable.... the way they justify everything.... accept everything he does that is SOOOOO obviously wrong...

It's one thing for us, the actual SPOUSE to continue on under the circumstances, but let me ask you something.... IF you were single and DATING your husband right now and he was treating you the way he does, would you stay? Cuz other than a few LIES about how he can't live without her, he is treating OW like dog sh**... believe it!! She is eating it up... hoping if she "loves" him hard enough by keeping him on a short leash, he will come around. Sick.

[Mamma Bear]

 Sick it right. Must be really thick fog in that tunnel if MLCers can't see the disgustingness they are sleeping with.
 My Hs ow gave my ds some presents back in March that 1 time they went over there.  (only time)  Presents? I asked H about it back then. He said "Oh she was just tring to make a good first impression..."
    Pushing me down on the side street and running to be with her was the kids 1 st impresssion.. Kids witnessed BD.!!!!!The crap from the Dollar store was a 2nd impression

[Synicca]

I agree with you LG about the MLCers treating the Ow's like dog sh*t...They really do..I have heard my H tell
his Ow that.....

" Your such a ow and maybe liked being sexually abused as a child, thats why your such a b*tch"

Yep! I heard him tell her that! I was on the phone with him one day back in Dec. and he flat out said that to her!

He admits he treats her like crap! but I also see that HE DOESNT trust her, Because SHE SLEPT WITH A MARRIED MAN! 

I also believe in my H's case, he is working out issues with this behaviour. I truly believe he needs to see that
things CAN and HAVE been HIS fault. He is taking blame for alot of things...even when he shouldnt right now.

IDK, but that is what I see..AND his OW is not a pretty person either...I seen a pic of her a couple of weeks
ago and for a minute I thought it was her mother....I even said to H.." OMG is that her MOM?"

LMAO!! he said " nooooooo that OW" 

I was shocked really...she looked OLD!! and she is 38, most of our friends and family have been shocked
to see she isnt older...because she looks "Used up" If ya know what I mean?

[LettingGo]

Mamma.... trying to make a good first impression.... there are no words to describe the disconnect! I just want to burst out  how did you keep from doing it? Probably were so perplexed at the absurdity of his statement... and who would live without an air conditioner, by the way? What's wrong with them? Can't they hold a garage sale and buy one?? Can't they BUY one at a garage sale? Are they retarded? Maybe that's why they have your van.... so they can drive around in the air conditioning and sleep in the back if it gets too hot! I'm sure they are expecting it to be MUCH cooler downstairs since heat rises....

Synicca, I so wish I could see a pic of OW... ALL of them!! I wish we could have a hall of shame... but it's mostly out of curiosity... I saw a pic of one on the alt (when I knew my secret password, LOL!) and it was shocking!! They certainly don't choose OW for her looks or personality, hahaha!

While it is WRONG of your husband to speak to ANYONE the way you witnessed..... I'm not sorry for them at all... they are CHOOSING to be together in an abusive relationship.... they could walk away at any time, so by staying in it, they are AGREEING to the abuse. Please tell us more 

Just two days ago, my husband texted me that he thinks OW is "just a manipulator trying to wreck his marriage and ruin his life!"  yep.... and he's the one participating and going back for more!! It ain't over 'til the MOMMY issue is resolved.... so let him do his thing and git 'er done!

By the way, I don't believe for a second all of the sob stories OW tell our husbands.... the bit about being abused by their husbands/boyfriends or sexually abused... COULD it be true??? Yes. That would explain why they are so damaged and wiling to find more of the same. BUT, they will also play the victim card to gain his sympathy and bring out the hero in him... and they go ON an ON about how "I've never met anyone like you... you are so special... I will never find anyone like you... fate brought us together... my prayers have been answered" and that morphs into "if only you weren't married.... I knew I couldn't find true happiness, but I'm willing to live this half-life with you because of my love... the timing is just wrong, but you can't help who you fall in love with... you are my soul mate...."

Straight out of a romance novel, and because we are anonymous here, I'll admit I know the lines because I read 'em too..... I just happen to know that THEY ARE FICTION!! Just like James Bond is a character and not my soul mate, much as I would like him to be.