[Is your MLCer High or Low Energy]

Is your MLCer High or Low Energy

High Energy

18 (39.1%)

Low Energy

17 (37%)

I don't know, he seems kind of in-between

11 (23.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

Voting closed: June 27, 2011, 01:28:35 PM

[Breakingthecycle]

I have no idea what mine is!  Last year he was spending a fair bit of time motorbike riding at weekends and OW was part of this group.  I first realised something was going on when we talked about buying a van for the bikes and he wanted her opinion an to test drive it - WTF?

They had plans to ride nearly every weekend this year, all written in the diary.  H said this year he was going to ride, ride, ride.  Around Christmas time a mutual friend could see that H was obsessed with OW and he pulled OW aside and told her to back off. 

Contact between them has lessened a great deal this year although I don't know for sure what physical contact they have, or she may be ringing him.  All I do know for sure is that phone ally's an texts from his phone have lessened considerably.  And he has done very little bike riding.  Work seems to crop up at the weekend an he takes that, a very different attitude to what it was before.  Probably the bike riding isn't as much fun without OW.  I am convinced that he was going to take it up a notch and make the EA a PA this year.  OW jumps around with her bed partners, 8 that I know of in the short time I've known her, so he must of thought he was in with a chance!

[Thunder]

Patience, I think your H is delusional.  Telling you he is probobly going to get involved in a relationship soon.
It's his fantasies working on him.

If that ow was so important to him he would have stuck with her and fought for her.
Apparently she was not that important to him.  Don't give her any importance.

I think him talking like this is just so you don't get the wrong impression that he is coming back to you.
My x did that, too.  He would spend time with me (in bed) and then get freaked out and go back to his bedroom in the basement.
He would say...well, I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

I knew he meant he was not giving in and still wanted his freedom.  I just let him go.
I knew, somewhere in my heart, he wanted to be with me but was fighting it.  I just didn't fit into his plans....his fantasy.

I kept pursuing him, not verbally but physically.  It worked...or is working so far.  I figure if he has needs and I have needs,...so why not?
I keep it at a friends, with benefits, type arrangement but so far it has kept him from seeking ow's.

I don't know.  I am feeling so much stronger.  I guess for me it worked...or is working so far.
Don't get me wrong.  I'm leaving myself open for a relationship with someone else if it comes a long but for now I'm ok with things the way they are.  I'm not actively looking.

I have a beautiful apartment, a wonderful family, a few good friends and I can chose to do what I want and go where I want.    If he choses to be free, I'm free too.   

[Snowdrop]

buying a van for the bikes and he wanted her opinion an to test drive it - WTF

OW jumps around with her bed partners, 8 that I know of in the short time I've known her, so he must of thought he was in with a chance!

Now there's a classy woman, and what a healthy relationship that sounds!

He would spend time with me (in bed) and then get freaked out and go back to his bedroom in the basement.

  That made me laugh, sorry if it wasn't funny

[Albatross]

My wife was extroverted before MLC. She goes from extroverted to introverted gradually. In full blown replay totally introverted in fantasy world. Every MLCer libido fall into shadow. Most likely that introverted before MLC explode - act out become extroverted.

[WorkingHard]

My wife was extroverted before MLC. She goes from extroverted to introverted gradually. In full blown replay totally introverted in fantasy world. Every MLCer libido fall into shadow. Most likely that introverted before MLC explode - act out become extroverted.

Hi Albatross,

I've been witnessing pretty much the same thing--the change from an extroverted, engaged person to a mostly withdrawn, generally low-energy introvert living in an internal world of imagination and fantasy, listening to trance music and EDM to keep that world flowing along privately.

Now, my MLCer seems to be coming out of that somewhat and is more engaged, more emotionally connected, and more focused on the needs of others. It looks like gradual awakenings over time.

What do you mean by the MLCer's libido falling into the shadow? I know what the Jungian shadow is, but is that what you mean?

Thanks!

WH

[Searching4Answers]

My wife was extroverted before MLC. She goes from extroverted to introverted gradually. In full blown replay totally introverted in fantasy world. Every MLCer libido fall into shadow. Most likely that introverted before MLC explode - act out become extroverted.

Hi Albatross,

I've been witnessing pretty much the same thing--the change from an extroverted, engaged person to a mostly withdrawn, generally low-energy introvert living in an internal world of imagination and fantasy, listening to trance music and EDM to keep that world flowing along privately.

Now, my MLCer seems to be coming out of that somewhat and is more engaged, more emotionally connected, and more focused on the needs of others. It looks like gradual awakenings over time.

What do you mean by the MLCer's libido falling into the shadow? I know what the Jungian shadow is, but is that what you mean?

Thanks!

WH

My H has been pretty introverted for most of our realtionship; doesn't have many close friends, doesn't want to socialize, doesn't like people in general, doesn't want to go anywhere, etc. When replay started he became much more extroverted; needs to connect with people, is more tolerant of crowds, can't stand to be home, always want to go go go. H says that he always been extroverted  News to me. The interesting part of all of this is that when he decided that he needed to be more connected to people he shrugged off the closest people to him, lately he has been reaching out to friends/ family that he fell out of touch with years ago.

My theory on this whole MLC thing is this: I think they have to go out into the world to find themselves again before they can be whole. They think that we as their partners will judge them and I am finding that the judging part is what seems to push them the furtherest away from us.

[PatienceGalore]

I would agree with the pushing away part. However why do they not believe us when we say we love them unconditionally and are not judging them?

[Snowdrop]

However why do they not believe us when we say we love them unconditionally and are not judging them?

I think maybe they just can't.  It isn't on their list of what to take on.  As well, we need to just show it, not say it, and then later on, they can look back and see it was true.  Don't think telling them means anything right now, sadly.

[PatienceGalore]

That I would also agree with. I did notice an annoyed look come over him when I said it last, so I don't anymore!!!

[Searching4Answers]

I would agree with the pushing away part. However why do they not believe us when we say we love them unconditionally and are not judging them?

Because they do not love themselves unconditionally and are constantly judging themselves so as a reflection of them we must be doing the same.

A while back I told H that I couldn't do this anymore, the first thing out of his mouth was 'did i meet someone else?"  The last thing I want to do right now is meet anyone  But it shows you how they think.