[Is your MLCer High or Low Energy]

Is your MLCer High or Low Energy

High Energy

18 (39.1%)

Low Energy

17 (37%)

I don't know, he seems kind of in-between

11 (23.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

Voting closed: June 27, 2011, 01:28:35 PM

[PatienceGalore]

That's interesting! To date my H could not care less if I saw someone. So he says... He knows I am not and won't.

[Snowdrop]

A while back I told H that I couldn't do this anymore, the first thing out of his mouth was 'did i meet someone else?"

It is quite laughable, although not funny, I know.

[Snowdrop]

That's interesting! To date my H could not care less if I saw someone. So he says... He knows I am not and won't.

Until you do!

[Searching4Answers]

As well, we need to just show it, not say it, and then later on, they can look back and see it was true.  Don't think telling them means anything right now, sadly.

I agree with needing to show it. I had started acting in accordance with H's mood; I have stopped doing this. I told H that I will treat him the way I want to based on my feelings not his. I have been making a conscience effort to touch him, say that I love him, etc based on me. My thought behind this is that the action speaks louder than words to them right now and he will be able to look back at the consistancy.

[Searching4Answers]

A while back I told H that I couldn't do this anymore, the first thing out of his mouth was 'did i meet someone else?"

It is quite laughable, although not funny, I know.

Snowdrop,

H has told me that he doesn't know if he has feelings for me anymore, etc, you know the script. That night or the next H had a dream that I was leaving the house at 3:00am to hook up with some guy, it bothered him enough that he woke up and it was 3:00am! He didn't go back to sleep 

[Snowdrop]

My kids have said to me how H would be so upset if I met someone.  Just their assumption, not his words, probably as they saw he was the one always showing and saying he loved me   I doubt it, although you never know as it would be out of his control, whereas now, he "thinks" he's in full.

[Thunder]

This thread has been so interesting.  I can relate to Limitless and Still.  So much of what you described fit my X.
He is definitely a Low-Energy MLCer.

Right after B dropped he tried going out, flirting with women and started doing all kinds of activities, like running, lifting weights, dieting, cutting all his gray off his body, etc. but it only lasted for a little while.
Then he just went into a funk.

I do agree the ow is a fantasy person.  He made attempts at meeting a new woman (dating sites) but it never panned out for him.  He met one woman for coffee and then never saw her again.

He is taking no responsibility for much of anything.  The house is falling apart in front of his eyes but he doesn't seem to have the energy to do anything about it.  He puts everything on the back burner.
The chaos got to him the other day so he did the dishes and picked up the living room.  (Both way over due)  After that he was so exhausted he had to sit down in front of the TV until he went to bed.  Never mind the cobwebs all over the place.

Lately I also see a lot of confusion and memory problems with him.  He will forget a name or where he was going with his sentence and he gets very frustrated with himself.  This is new.  Not the confusion so much but his memory has gotten so bad.

He puts himself down constantly.  He's fat, he's old, any cutting remark he can make.  I try to be kind to him because he seems so lost but no matter what I say, it's like he doesn't hear me. 

About not finding an ow I agree it maybe does take them longer to go through their crisis.  It's hard to let go of a fantasy, perfect woman.   You certainly can't compete with a fantasy.

In the beginning I thought maybe he had a crush on a married woman at work but I'll never know for sure.  I just know thru other people he works with she is happily married.  So maybe she is his fantasy woman.  Who knows.
He did ask her to go running with him one time and she turned him down.

Anyway, it sure seems he has quit looking for another woman for now.  Just going through a "self-hating" phase.
Watch I say that and next week he'll find one.  lol

[dadspearl]

Male; definitely low energy
Age at  3/13 BD: 39

Emotional affair that went physical after I kicked him out 7/13, ongoing until 3/14 when he lost his job b/c of affair and had an awakening. She dumped him when affair was outed. She appears to be gone. He doesn't appear to be looking for OW 2, but I keep my red flag ready.
 
Moved home 4/14. Slowly reconnecting; I apply little to no pressure. He's so depressed!!!!

No kids

Pre-BD he was distanced, me pursuer. Now, he cycles between both but is more consistently distanced in his depression/withdrawal. I do neither. I'm neutral. 

[dadspearl]

Forgot to mention he has said from BD to present: "I am so confused and messed up."

[Slow Fade]

Gender         Male
Age at BD        50
Infidelity       EA that went PA for 2 years prior to BD, then imploded 7 months after BD. nothing   now. At least nothing I've found yet....Has been on dating sites and has FB "friends" who continually make suggestive comments online.
Are they home   No, he lives in a rented house alone.
Kids              Yes, S11 ours
Pursuit & Distance   I was pursuer right after BD until I found this site. Then I became distancer and he began to pursue. 

He tried replay activities right before BD and right after; younger friends, lots of alcohol, parties, exercise, new foods. Gave those up after about 6 - 8 months post BD. Now he talks about being "active" but works, goes home, is on computer or xbox and then goes to bed. Is in contact everyday. I never initiate the contact. Mild monster that backs down pretty easily. Arrogant, entitled attitude. Very critical of others. Very narcissistic. Spoke of D at BD, but nothing since then. Will come to the house and do chores for me if I ask........