[Is your MLCer High or Low Energy]

Is your MLCer High or Low Energy

High Energy

18 (39.1%)

Low Energy

17 (37%)

I don't know, he seems kind of in-between

11 (23.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

Voting closed: June 27, 2011, 01:28:35 PM

[Thunder]

My x is a Low Energy MLCer.  He has very rarely showed any anger towards me, only a little after B dropped.  Has always treated me nicely, has had no ow (although he tried looking at dating sites a year or so ago) and it's been almost 3 years now.

I think the biggest difference between a Low or High energy MLCer is the High energy type live their fantasy, the Low energy live "in" fantasy.I truly believe my x thought about a fantasy ow and a fantasy life, but he doesn't pursue it.  Hasn't got the energy.

He has gone into a depression a few months ago and is exhausted all the time, aches and pains all over the place, left most of his replay type activities (running, biking, rollerblading, etc.) by the roadside and shows a lot of self-loathing.  He's old, he's not worth much, he's fat (he's thin).  Cuts himself down all the time.

I try to be patient with him and build him up when I can, but he is struggling.  All I can do is listen and let him know, without saying it, that I am here for him.
I take care of myself and try not to give him all my head space.
Sure is hard to watch though. 

Until he choses to work through his issues not much I can do.

[Searching4Answers]

My x is a Low Energy MLCer.  He has very rarely showed any anger towards me, only a little after B dropped.  Has always treated me nicely, has had no ow (although he tried looking at dating sites a year or so ago) and it's been almost 3 years now.

I think the biggest difference between a Low or High energy MLCer is the High energy type live their fantasy, the Low energy live "in" fantasy.I truly believe my x thought about a fantasy ow and a fantasy life, but he doesn't pursue it.  Hasn't got the energy.

He has gone into a depression a few months ago and is exhausted all the time, aches and pains all over the place, left most of his replay type activities (running, biking, rollerblading, etc.) by the roadside and shows a lot of self-loathing.  He's old, he's not worth much, he's fat (he's thin).  Cuts himself down all the time.

I try to be patient with him and build him up when I can, but he is struggling.  All I can do is listen and let him know, without saying it, that I am here for him.
I take care of myself and try not to give him all my head space.
Sure is hard to watch though. 

Until he choses to work through his issues not much I can do.

Do they change their energy level? It seems mine started off as Low energy (looking for fantasy through dating site for about a year or so)  then ramped up to High energy (found fantasy and caused a lot of damage) now it appears it he going to look for the fantasy again  We have been trying to reconnect but he doesn't want to live a life of compromise; he doesn't want to stop looking for the fantasy. I have told him that there is a reason they are called a fantasy and in all likelyhood he isn't going to find it and he is going to lose us in the process. It is a lose-lose situation; he says that he realizes this but has to try 
So I guess I'll see if he ramps back up to High energy again.   

[Thunder]

Searching, from everything I've read their either one or the other.  The types don't mix.

Your H sounds more High Energy, but they are all so different.  One may be a High energy type but not as extreme as other High energy types.
Some Low Energy types can't even get off the couch.  Other's can function a little better.

All so confusing to us.   

[PatienceGalore]

Interesting about the energy levels. My H was low on energy during the 2 year affair, but still did it, so high energy replay? Since January started high energy activities, now is doing nothing except work. Talks a lot about what he'd like to do but is not doing any. Why the changes?

[Thunder]

PatienceGalore, even Low Energy MLCers make attempts at replay actions, they just don't usually work for them.

Mine, in the very beginning, went out to a few bars (I'm sure looking for Ms. Right) but it didn't last.
He did this maybe 3 times but now hasn't been out for about 2 1/2 years.   Those fantasy women were just not out there.
Sometimes it's not an ow that drives them....or gives them a high.  It could be anything from working out to learning a new hobby.  Seems to take the place of an ow.

With mine I think his "replay" or "avoidance" actions are his work and working out.  He was manic about working tons of overtime, running marathons and any athletic adventure he could find.  His fantasy ow was in his head.
Now he struggles with doing anything.  Has to force himself to work out a few times a week.

It doesn't mean they are any better than a High energy MLCer, sometimes their worse..they just don't act out as much.  Their still avoiding but in a different way.
A Low energy MLCer can take longer to get through their crisis because they aren't burning through it like a High energy man/woman does.   They can get stuck and never move at all.

I saw this happening to my x so I moved out about a year ago.  I decided one of us had to make a move or we would go on like this forever.   Never moving in any direction.
It was a good choice, for me.
 

[Thunder]

Patience, is your H still living at home?

[PatienceGalore]

No he left and is living with his mother. He did start a few activities since January but doesn't seem to be doing then. He says he is trying up go out more but his mother says he's pretty much at home all the time. All he does is work. He is so sure leaving me is the right thing. Told me he expects to be in a relationship soon, maybe reconnecting with OW who lives in Germany. Don't know how that can work out! She gas two children and he has three and says he's not moving!

[SSG]

Ok I think my H is a High Energy MLC / Replayer.  He was having the affair 13 months before he 'told' me and one month later moved in with her (she is in the next country to Germany)
He comes home every 2-3 weeks due to obligations here.  He is always pleasant, helps around the property if I need it.  I do my best to be "a kind neighbor" but would like to whack him over the head with a 2x4 if I thought that would help.

The alienator kicked her husband out (D) and re did her home and moved my husband in, pays for everything (even his train trips back here)...

She is also in a MLC...I am hoping by next year they both come crashing down to earth.  No Contact is not possible at the moment, house is for sell (alienators idea).

[PatienceGalore]

Mine had 18 month affair that he said he wanted before I found our. Then he dumped her soon after that and now is talking of reconnecting. If I were her I'd tell him where to go!

[Snowdrop]

I think mine is turbo charged, high energy, on steroids.  He is a nightmare.