[Is your MLCer High or Low Energy]

Is your MLCer High or Low Energy

High Energy

18 (39.1%)

Low Energy

17 (37%)

I don't know, he seems kind of in-between

11 (23.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

Voting closed: June 27, 2011, 01:28:35 PM

[Rollercoasterider]

Update July 2012
I started this thread in order to gain information on low-energy MLCers so that I could write an article about them. You can now read that blog post here.
http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?p=1023
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=303.0

If your MLCer is low energy, would you please post below. I would like to compile information for writing about Low-Energy MLCers on the blog.
I don't need a lot of info because I can go to your threads for more details. I would like you to provide the following here.
 

• Gender
• Age at Bomb Drop
• Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore...
• Are they home?
  If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?)
• Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living?
• Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb

Here are my current ideas about low energy MLCers
 

• Less likely to have a long-term affair.
• An emotional affair is more likely than the affair going physical
• Often the affair ends quickly, maybe even before Bomb
  Overt Depression.
• Though they may try to escape and avoid these behaviors are more internal. They are less likely to move out of the home--or if they do eventually they remain at home much longer than high energy MLCers
• They may be more aware that they are confused--though I'm merely guessing and you can tell me more
• The crisis seems milder than those who are high-energy--when you compare to other stories on the boards
  The crisis may take longer (or not, I'm not sure) because without the high energy of in-fatuation they do not have as much to work against.
• You, as the LBS, may question of it is MLC since high-energy is more to the sterotype.

Link back to Member groups

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1530.0

[hyperglad]

Male
41
E,P not anymore
no living in one room (his cave) 5 mins from here , but calls here most days
3 kids, he has two step kids one living away and one at home D 26 and we have a son almost 16
He was always the pursuer...but i found myself pursuing at times and when i do he will now distance himself

His A was 11 mths b4 i found out and then on off for another 14 mths
It was physical although he has always maintained it wasn't about the sex , if you saw her you would believe that
He did have overt depression, seems to have gone covert now
He did and said many of the things that high E MLC said

[xyzcf]

Male, 55 years old at BD, Brief affair (if what he told me is true)..I suspect may be in an EA with someone in Asia. Home was Hong Kong but he sent me back to Colorado for a year and then moved on to Brazil so we have not lived together for 2 years. In looking back, at least a year before, he started to be more distant and I had talked to him and we were supposed to work on that.

Very little communication and throughout the past two years has not acknowledged that there is anything "wrong" with him...he wasn't happy. Does not share any of his emotions. Workaholic (has not taken a vacation in over 2 years, works continuously). Does not engage in any previously enjoyed activities (ie: golf, taking care of his home). Seems to have very few friends. Distant from our daughter as well. She is 26 and lives in Canada so our whole family live in different places.

I was the pursuer prior to BD..I am now the distancer. Does he pursue? He remains connected with emails about once a week.

Exhibits suppressed anger and rage, loss of humour, in my mind seems like a 5 year old...

The crisis is not milder although he isn't the monster that others have encountered..but he is deep in what I see as a depression as his life is totally out of balance..unless he's really good at hiding, I believe he is living totally alone in a country where he doesn't speak the language (even in the office that's a problem) and being the head of the company, don't think he can find any social interactions within the office. He says it is dangerous for him to go out at night in the city in which he lives (which I believe to be true). He is now unsatisfied with his work and boss which has never been the case before.

Previously, attended mass very regularly..thinks that God wants him to be happy so that justifies what he does. He is an only child, parents are both deceased and we just have the one daughter who he seems unhappy with as well.

Hope this helps.

[OldPilot]

I voted - low energy.

There is a thread here on low enrgy MLC-ers from last year.

The only thing I not sure I agree with is this.

They may be more aware that they are confused--though I'm merely guessing and you can tell me more

My wife does not think she is confused, neither does STILL's Husband or Trusings IMHO.



    * Gender   - Female
    * Age at Bomb Drop  - 55
    * Infidelity: Emotional, Physical, None, brief, still ongoing, not anymore...  Maybe an EA? not anymore, if anyone it is parents
    * Are they home?  YES
      If not, where are they living (in particular, are they living with the alienator?)
    * Kids: Yes/No ages and where are they living?  D25, S23 - living on their own
    * Pursuit & Distance Dynamics: who is the pursuer versus the distancer--now as well as pre-Bomb. I was the pursuer, now no pursuit .

[hyperglad]

My H knows he's confused also knows he avoided...now he says he just is  and is not ready to come home, i said who asked you 

[limitless]

I voted the third choice - not sure.


Gender - Male
Age at Bomb Drop - 56
Infidelity - EA (PA??) with out of state ex-wife and ex-girlfriend - He only physically has seen either/both 1-3 times.
Are they home?  No
Living with his parents.
3 kids - Boy and Girl twins - 16 when he left...17 now.  D21 at college
Pursuit and Dystance - I am/was the pursuer.  He is the distancer.  Throughout our relationship - pre and after BD.

Limitless

[trusting]

Male, late 30s. 

I believe he had an EA (though he has always denied any kind of inappropriate relationship but I have enough "proof"), don't believe it was ever a PA, and I believe it lasted less than a year but have no real way of knowing right now.

He lives at home, in the basement since bomb drop.  He has never officially used the D word, though has hinted at it a few times.  I only ever saw monster really leading up to and just post BD.  I don't get spewed on anymore and haven't for a long time. 

He has become an extreme workaholic and I believe that is his way of running right now.

We have elementary aged kids.  He cycles with the way he interacts with them.  Initially he pretty much ignored them altogether but gradually he has been acting more like Dad again.

He used to be the pursuer in the relationship, the few years leading up to BD I was probably the pursuer. 

His depression shows and he is exhausted all the time.

I have always felt his MLC was "milder" than many.

[OldPilot]

So T IDK if you saw my post but does your H know he is confused??

[tinydancer]

age at BD: first one at 36; second one at 47
Infidelity:  May have had an emotional and physical affair when he was 36.  I never knew for sure.  His MLC behavior was much more high energy at that time.  He had an EA prior to this last bomb drop.  I found out for sure about that and he "supposedly" ended it almost a year before latest BD.  I can find no evidence that it or any other affair is ongoing.
Home?:  He has never left.  Threatened it but has not gone.
Kids:  3; Boy, 26 and on his own; Boy, 21 and in college; girl, 12 at home.

I was always the pursuer and I still am I suppose although I try not to be.

Yes to overt depression.
Yes to confusion.  Not about the sitch per se but admits to being confused over decisions that he tries to make and other issues. When I used to ask him if he was sure about us being over he would always say "I'm not sure of anything."  I haven't asked in a very long time.
Yes to it being an internal struggle with him.
Yes this crisis is much milder as far as activity than the other one was.
Yes I have questioned whether or not this was MLC unlike the last time when I knew it was.

[Covenant for Life]

I voted for the third choice as some of H's behaviors seem high energy while others seem low energy.

Male
Age 44 at BD
No known infidelity, now or in the past
Has lived in a small apartment since March 2008
Two children - both ours' - D20 and S17
I have been the pursuer in our relationship, but do not initiate contact now unless it is necessary concerning the children. 

He will call, stop by, email.  His mistress seems to be extreme sports, mainly rock climbing - which he did in high school and college and then stopped.  He is  an engineer/physicist.  A workaholic.  He was diagnosed at age 31 with psychosis and I believe he shows signs of bi-polar and obsessive/compulsive disorder though those have not been medically diagnosed.

I was his first long term relationship.  He has communication issues and does not know how to relate to his own children.  He has always been somewhat distant and selfish, though those two qualities have really hit their ugly extremes during his MLC.

He has been a life-long Christian, but does not seem to think abandoning his wife and children is wrong or in disobedience to God.   However, he no longer attends church regularly and the few times he has attended with me since our separation, he either cries or all out sobs during parts of the service.