[Synicca]

OK, I didnt know how to start this topic...so bare with me....


I tried to ask this on my own thread but I havent recieved any info.....maybe RCR or the Pros answer this one.

There is talk of what causes MLC to take control or to start the MLC process, like a death or loss of job, etc.

My question....what if these sorts of things happen while they are deep in the tunnel?

for instance, if they are affraid of dying...or fear of getting old...and someone dies during this MLC process.

Gosh! I really dont know if I am making any darn sense here...LOL!

My h has been through some personal issues since replay or going deep in the tunnel...

Death of a close uncle....
My mom getting Cancer again
His ONLY brother getting sicker and sicker...May not be around much longer. ( bypolar, manic depressive )
drug addict, homeless...almost died recently
and then the discovery of my own health issues that will cause severe pain as I get older.

I know not all of these are major...but how would it affect an MLCer? does anyone know?
would it make it worse?
cause them to think?

I know I am reaching in the dark here.....but when his Uncle passed away, it took alot out of my H
and I was seriously worried he would commit suicide at the time.

Please excuse me if I am rambling.......

[Surviving]

Stnicca that is a question I would like answered too. My H is alo in deep MLC I think and his Mom died suddenly 2 weeks ago. He had not spoken to his Mom in 16 years...( Family Issues). I too was wondering if it makes things worse or helps the to face their fears.

[Synicca]

Thats gotta be tough.....losing a parent even if they werent close.....seems like it would make it
worse.....or ad to the guilt?? idk but I would like to know....

[Mitzpah]

Me too, Syn,
My h. may have to face his brother's death soon, he is out of rehab but is drinking again - he has wernicke-korsakoff syndrome, so the abstinence period will come again and then, who knows? I just wonder how much this will affect him...
My h. is still in replay, not so intense, but there nevertheless.

[Mamma Bear]

 I thought I read in one of the articles that if some tauma like that occurs it can wake them up too soon or something and they might come out too soon without their skin or something....then they have to GO BACK and finish the right way...don't listen to me I'm just thinking out loud

[Synicca]

LOL Mamma!!

and I thought I didnt make any sense....

[Mamma Bear]

 No really. I read something about that in an article..where is DGU? Isn't he the one that can pull a rabbit out of a hat   or an article out of an articles section?

[Synicca]

oh I'm sure you did.....just giving you a hard time....

I agree.....where is DGU? ooooh DGuuuuuuu...we need your expertise over here please!!!!   

[GottaBeMe]

LOL at Mama Bear....."without their skin"? 

I'm not DGU but since I just read this not too long ago, I found this from HB where she addressed the topic of trauma.  Don't know how to do quotes, and some day I'm going to learn, but here it is:

On the other hand;
IF they experience heavy trauma while trying to get through OR even come out with an "emotional block" of some kind, they WILL come on out BUT...they will experience recurring cycles of crisis, and the process is attempted again, only in a different fashion...there will be components missing from the first crisis, because those issues have already been faced/decided within them.
What they end up cycling in, are issues that they "skipped" or "missed" while within the tunnel the first time.

What usually results in this is a person going through a different kind of tunnel/crisis trying to catch up on what has NOT been faced/settled.
This is a confusing time, if this happens as the stages cannot be looked at to see where they are, you will NOT know for sure...so MANY things will be MISSING, and it will make you think you've missed something yourself, when you haven't.

It has been said that if a person's processing is interrupted, it can result in them not finishing; while that is possibly true, I cannot say that for certain, as I had watched my husband exit the tunnel, go into Acceptance, begin the "settling down" process, and a year and half later, I observed a "going back" personality changes going backward, and much later, I discovered that a child of his issues had been missed, causing a different kind of crisis, different type of tunnel.
This time, many components of the BIG ONE, were missing...only a child was evident, and I was put into a position of authority that I didn't want to be in, but SOMEBODY had to take responsibility.....

[LisaLives]

My H had a heart attack in the tunnel, and what happened was OW and his parents rallied to be by his side.  He wanted me there too, one big, happy family, but I refused.  You could say I missed an opportunity to pave the way but there is no way I was going to do that and put my kids in that position.  So, I think that put him totally back into childhood.  He isn't even a teen anymore, he is 4, and he has TWO women who are willing to put him on a pedastal and cater to his every whim.  Perhaps it depends on what kind of crisis it is and who steps up to help that determines the path.  All I know is I think that was when he decided they would get married...