[Tsunami]

Kikki, they may subconsciously be trying to repair what they have ignored their whole lives with their families.  It baffles me, because I know how he honestly feels about his family.

[Glimmer]

All of my Hs family have been very supportive of me and our girls.  My H has never spoken to his parents about any of his MLC, so everything they know they have learnt from me.  I do feel pretty bad at times when they ask me how things are, after all it is their son I am talking about, but they want to hear it.

Pre MLC My H and his family were very close, but he has now alienated himself and barely speaks to them or has very little contact of any kind.  My MIL has told me that no matter what happens I will always be her daughter, and Hs OW will never be welcome in their home.  His parents, two sisters and brother are ashamed and disgusted at the way he has treated me, and would never have believed he would have done any of this.

Myself and 2Ds are due to go away on holiday in a few weeks with all of Hs family.  He is the only one not invited.  They paid for us to go away with them last year as well, only to have H turn up for a few days as he was missing me and needed to see me.  I'm betting on a repeat of that again this year.

My MIL has told me it would serve her son right if I were to go out and meet someone else.  I am not ready for that yet.  I have tried to explain the basics of MLC to his mum and oldest sister, but I don't think anyone could possibly understand the complexities unless it had been dealt with first hand.

I do find it very sad though how this has driven a wedge through an otherwise very close knit family.  His eldest sister has now given up trying to contact H, as he has made so many excuses not to speak to her over the last couple of years.  The one thing they have all said, is that they no longer recognise him as he has changed so much.     

[Mitzpah]

YUCK!
This IS a painful subject, isn't it?
My FIL died when we were both 21, we weren't married but we had already been together for over three years. My MIL died 16 years ago after a long, painful battle with cancer, in which I was closer than one of her daughter's!
I met my h. at high school and he and I and his sister were classmates for three years!
I was loved by his older relatives (grandparents, uncles and aunts, great uncles and aunts), considered a cousin by all his cousins - very much a member of the family.
My father is minister of the church and perfomed a number of weddings, funerals, baptisms, blessings within the family, even though the family is mostly Roman Catholic.
Before BD, BIL was put into a rehab clinic after a really bad crisis that brought on Wernick-Korsakoff Syndrome (I researched it thoroughly to be able to explain it to my SILs and h.) - This was in August 2010 and I believe the trigger that sent my h. over the proverbial edge.
H. became very close to younger SIL (half sister - result of his father's MLC affair) and continued the already close relationship with SIL (my classmate) due to BIL's crisis. SIL (my classmate) still talked to me a lot until BD, but SIL(half sister) was overjoyed to have her estranged big brother paying her attention, so she lapped it up and continued to exclude me as she usually did when he paid her attention.
As my h. entered the crisis and BD approached, I noticed less and less contact from ILs with me, after BD, I have had very little contact - they are distant and seem to have set guard around their brother (my h.). Nobody calls to see how I am and on the very few occasions I have had a chance to talk to SIL (my classmate), she has said that h. is much better  and that she does not see him changing in any way, she thinks he is happy and that maybe we were careless to let routine get in the way of our marriage, she says I have the children and soon I will have grandchildren and that life is like that She always says that she loves me, but that I am strong and everything will work out fine She says that I have the privilege of spending more time with the children now and that this is a great thing for me and the children - this last comment makes me mad - she doesn't have children and I feel that she is saying that I should be grateful for the fact I have children, therefore leave her brother alone, maybe I am not capable of having a marriage and children?
Very sore subject.
He never used to talk about his father and now is very interested in his side of the family and all he can find out about him. His mother, who was a constant presence in his life up till she died has disappeared from his conversations and he doesn't want me to mention her at all. If I mention his father (whom I loved), he is even more irritated, but he seems to think I will offend his father so he prohibits any mention of him by me. I think this is confusion with his own actions that so closely resemble his father's.

[forthetrees]

nada, nothing, zip- it is as if i never existed to the in-laws. rather amazing and quite painful. like someone else on this thread said, it is confirmation of FOO issues, eh? somehow that confirmation doesn´t take away the sting.

it is somewhat comforting to know that this is a common in-law reaction, but at the same time rather disturbing to see that it is common. maybe this is all like the movie the truman show and everyone is following a script. will we, the lbsers be the ones to break free from the script? really, this site has become a social experiment in real time of great interest. i´m hanging in there sometimes out of scientific curiosity to see if the "wait for the process" theory holds any truth.

hug,
FTT

[Mamma Bear]

 FTT This site and the wonderful people on here have gotten me out of the habit of using the word "Waiting"...no no no
 We are forging ahead the great beyond with our wonderful power of positive energy.  Creating new avenues to pursue OUR
  DREAMS.     And if my Dufus H notices and changes his current path due to my moving forward and further enhancing myself and the Ds then that will be wonderful.  I am just bustin' on ya....I wish the next 10 months would fly by also.................

[Silmarion]

TMH - sorry, better late than never....!

My MIL, SIL and her H, and some of my H's sibs have all been supportive of me.  In fact MIL, is coming to stay with me soon.   

It is a difficult and uncomfortable sitch as obviously H is seeing OW and at some point wanted her to visit his parent's home.   SIL quite rightly said NO - waaaay too soon and don't want to get involved with another family (BD: Mar 11).  I too, made it clear that should it come to OW visiting and staying in his parent's home I would be sad as I would no longer want to visit the home where my H has slept with another woman after 22 yrs of marriage.  That appears to have quitened things down.

The main reason IL's are keeping in touch with me and visa versa is we all want the best for the children.  Not just our's but all the cousins, etc.  Above all else, it is not their fault and therefore they shouldn't have to suffer.  However, integrity also has a say and from my stand point I want to bring up my child to know that sleeping around whilst married is not OK and to some degree we are all singing from the same songsheet on this matter.

[Mamma Bear]

 It's hard to believe these people aren't saying to the MLCer" Dude or Dudette, What are you doing? Abandoning your family? "
   I hate this whole attitude of "I'll stay neutral."  Lucky for me my ILs are horrified and disgusted by him and they show it. He's been playing that poor me violin forever. They like ME
 

[NewBeginnings]

Mamma Bear - You are so lucky your IL's took your side.  My MIL took her son's side, even helped him and OW move
into a new house with my furniture ect.. Shocking 

[Mamma Bear]

    Heartbroken I'm sorry. How horrible. Where is that Karma Bus?

I can't understand that. I have a really big mouth. I am not loud but I'm from Brooklyn originally and proud of it. I have class and dignity but if something's not right I'll be the first one in everyone's face saying "HELLO? He abandoned his family."
   My D when BD hit was 8 years old. She even asked "Is what Dad did to us legal?"
    That MIL helped your H move is a disgraceful example of Satan walking around free. How can they sleep at night?  (((Hugs)))

[Buggy31]

My inlaws were horrified, disgusted...not on H's side for much of the year after BD....but....they did meet OW...and are starting to visit OW/H's home.  They are still trying to play both sides and I know they don't like it but I think H has pressured them too as it is all part of the justification.  Ready had a great quote about it...where he said they want to pull others in so that only the LBS looks like the one who thinks it's wrong....EVERYONE KNOWS ITS WRONG...but people are so horrified deep deep down that they have to make up a story about it....a fantasy...like a bad marriage...or LUHHHUV...or who knows?   

As LBSs we need to stand in our own truth regardless of who or what surrounds us.   They betrayl goes far beyond the affair as the MLCer will lie and rewrite history.   What is your TRUTH?   Do you believe it?   IT sucks to experience all the levels of betrayl...but there is a guiding light that will never betray and if you focus on that then what other people say and do will be of little importance.  We all must learn to walk in our own truth and the betrayl very likely will extend to extended family.  There are pathological issues being worked out and most likely they originated in those families of origin.  Not to blame anyone...it's just the reality perspective. 

I am dealing with the emotions of this now and what I feel strongly is to step back...walk in grace and keep your integrity...don't try to defend yourself or your truth...It is between you and something much greater and things will take care of themselves...Even if you love your in-laws ...we could all use a break from in-laws...so take some time to feel free from those obligations 

HUGS
BUGS