[Musica]

Hi,I know that when I let go of my anger last year , but my H was still here, I couldn't be a friend to him, even though I wasn't angry, he was just too much withdrawn into himself and MLC and OW. Since he left in Feb this year, I was initially very angry, but more recently have been forgiving and open to meeting him, speaking with him, and he has begun to confide in me and even listen to the things I say and act upon them.  I hope that by trying to be friends again, he will see that he could become a part of out family, but whatever happens, we are all happier because we are not angry any more, and we communicate better.

Anger and resentment are destructive both personally and to a relationship.  It would however be very hard for me to be a friend to my H if he started seeing a OW again... I would find that very difficult to deal with. When he had the OW he didn't want to spend any time with me anyway, so problem solved? Maybe.

Lots of love xxxx

[Mamma Bear]

 IPXPE,, Hi. Ii never got ANGRY yet.  I'm almost afraid of anger sneaking up on me from behind. I guess after BD 2-11-11 I just cried,came here and started to get up and dust myself off.
  I figue if sick puppy is running away someone has to be the lighthouse Right?
  Luckily he respects my boundaries of keep ow talk and visuals away from me and OUR Ds. Period.  Still..if anger is something I need to go through then where is it?

[Synicca]

the strange thing about me, is I actually try to reach DEEP inside of me to find the anger...

and I have NONE.....Mamma, you may have the ability to "let it go" just like me??

Its hard, I wonder where it went...*POOF* its nowhere to be found!

I get angry at "situations" but that's about it...I may rant about it, but then its gone too..LOL!!

I used to hold onto anger like the plague....but for some odd reason, God helped me learn how to
get through it and not let it change me...

[Mamma Bear]

  Syn My Mother In Law speaks Ukrainian mostly. When I tell her a long drawn out story about anything that happens in life she always shrugs and says   "So don't do it."   and then I ask her 94 years of wisdom  What is your reasoning and she says "WHAT FOR?"       I love that so much. Think through the feelings you are having and decide how to RESPOND ( not REACT)  by doing a risk/benefit ratio. And the answer usually is Don't Do it. What for?

[Musica]

Hi Mamma, I don't think anger is good, it was just something that I felt and I had to go through . I would have been a happier person without the anger all along ... I am happier now I have let it go, we are all happier H and D's too. His anger has also abated.

You are lucky to have been without anger all along, I think it is a very negative emotion.  Occasionally I still can feel it deep in there, but I make every effort to change it into a more positive emotion, so my words come out differently and do not cause offense.

You must be a really positive person, its taken me so long to get to this place of peace. And I'm still working on it!  Mamma bear what a great name too, it sounds cuddly and warm!! Take care xxx

[Mamma Bear]

IPXPE,  I am afraid the anger is dormant but I can not detect it. Hmmm? Maybe my FOO issues with anger was tied to my drinking alcohol. Being alcohol free for 10 years maybe the anger left with the alcohol. I'm a pretty free spirit mostly. I'll give anyone the shirt off my back. But for some strange reason people are always getting up in my grill and start something or other.  I shrug it off as their insecurity. My boss this week was over the top....I kept thinking WTF?   Mean people suck. Our Hs really have been abducted by Aliens and I can see behind his eyes that he's trying to send me a signal that he wants out!
   Thanks for all those nice compliments. I am probably very much like yourself.

[Synicca]

Mamma,

My mom, says the same thing!! Why worry about it? "let go and Let God" you cant change it...

why worry??!! words of wisdom...gotta love the elders!!

[Dontgiveup]

Here's RCR's article that talks about LBS emotions.  Anger doesn't necessarily come right away.

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_unconditionals_forgiveness_stages-of-victim-development.html

[Dontgiveup]

From Limitless
"RCR writes about the LBS taking the crisis personally - and that we need to NOT take it personnally.  (I'm sure DGU knows which article this comes from)."


DGU in his best Lurch voice...."You rang?"


RCR's article Love & Indifference ends this way.....

"It is not personal; he is dead inside."

[Musica]

Yep my H said he felt dead inside ... said I had killed him too ... I hope he realises now that it wasn't me it was MLC. He told me today he's been looking at photos from 5-6 years ago and he's not smiling on any of them. This was the time his father was diagnosed with Cancer and started chemo, that was a trigger I am almost certain.

Mamma bear and Syn ... you're so right don't do it ... what for ... let go and let God. My Gran was 97 when she died and she was full of wisdom, I wish she was here now, and my Mum & Dad too, they were so happy and so wise. I hope my kids think that about me someday!!

Trying to be a forgiving friend, that's me! xxx Definitely nicer than angry me. lots of love xxx