[Synicca]

TS,,

I know what you mean about the noose...H was able to come and go with Me, now he can't breathe
without permission from Ow...lol

It's a wonder they dont see the truth just from that. No freedom? Thats gotta be hard to deal with.
but then again, our H's are children right now and walk on eggshells to "comfort" the Ow.

sickening to say the least.

[truth_seeker]

I have no sympathy for her.
I can forgive my H forgiveness because he is wacko for it...but her? Nope. I personally think she is also going through
some crisis of her own...but maybe she is just like that....who knows! and who cares!

OW/OM are the scum of the earth and like scum will get flushed out in the end.  Do not worry about OW/OM.  They are damaged in the worst way humanly possible which is why they are so "easy" to pick up.  My H's OW is trailer park trash, who sucks the life out of everyone and everything she gets a hold of.  She's a 37yr who is on public assistance, doesn't work, spends like there's no tomorrow and is also a gold digger, needy person.  Recently filed for BK for what? She doesn't work but she does spend which will bleed H & MIL dry.  H has even bragged to my S she likes "sleeping with cops".    Now that's something to be proud of!!  Yuck!!!  She parties, is loose in every way possible and has 2 kids - one of which can't stand her and the other brags about wanting to be a mother!  The girl is only 12 yrs old!  The other dropped out of HS and lives with her BF!  Their F was an abusive alcoholic who died as a result of a DWI.  Affair down is an UNDERSTATEMENT!  H has attracted what he himself feels about himself.   

Do NOT get sucked into their negative energy.  Let it be through their own doing and put focus back on yourself.  Protect your finances, your children and yourself first and foremost!  Pray for your H/W's recovery but please do not put focus on OW/OM - you give them way too much credit!!!

Much love to you all!

TS 

[phoenixwoman1]

These posts could also be my XH! Left me for trailer trash, 3 kids all by different fathers, drug history, public assitance, etc. etc.  I knew when my XH left he was with her as a "rescuer".  I feel the type of men who experience MLC are so insecure and have such low self-esteem they need to feel superior to someone, a hero.  They are tired of feeling the need to step up and try to keep up with us independent women who grow and become more independent the older we get.  Maybe they don't feel admired and loved no matter how we treated them??  The same traits they "love" about these women, the dependency, the neediness  and attention that goes along with that that was so appealing in the beginning will be their downfall eventually..just a matter of time.  I know the OW is also a goldigger and has absolutely nothing of her own.  My XH owes me thousands of dollars in back child support, but promised to pay when he sold some property, but I'm not holding my breath! I'm sure OW will not be going anywhere until she burns through any extra money he has.  Right now he is down on his luck for sure, but still putting roof over her and her kids heads, buying her children (and her I'm sure) clothes, carting them around everywhere, etc. I'm getting better at letting that anger go, but am not 100% there yet.  I know that even if I have to work 60 hrs. a week I can support my kids without him or outside assistance and feel proud of that.  There is a certain amount of accomplishment knowing you can bear the weight of all that responsibilty on your own.  Just because they are losers without any integrity doesn't mean I have to be.  I try to think "If you can't beat 'em you can at least outclass 'em" Evidently not a hard task for some of us!!! I feel like just because he doesn't love me doesn't mean he can't respect me.                    XOXO   PW1

[Synicca]

I just read through this again....

reading it really helps to understand that the OP is really a messed up person.
no doubt that it wont last with our spouses!

AND its amazing how simular their R's are. The things that are said and done, a huge eye opener!

and the ADDICTION!!! It's right there in front of us..I think I just might refer OW to my H now as
"addiction" LOL!!!

[truth_seeker]

I just read through this again....

reading it really helps to understand that the OP is really a messed up person.
no doubt that it wont last with our spouses!

AND its amazing how simular their R's are. The things that are said and done, a huge eye opener!

and the ADDICTION!!! It's right there in front of us..I think I just might refer OW to my H now as
"addiction" LOL!!!

There's only one name I refer to when discussing OW "its trash ow".
She is NEVER referred to by name.

[Rosie2010]

It really strikes me how similar all of these OWs are!  My h's fits the mold.  I don't think I will ever forgive her.  But I don't blame her personally for my h leaving me.  He told me himself - If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else.... NICE!  He doesn't even realize that he fed me a textbook line from the MLC Handbook!  LOL!   It does hurt me to see him brought so low by this person - and I grieve for what he is going to be missing in his life and what he has already missed.  I am sorry that our kids suffer too even though they are adults now 25 and 29.     He does try to stay in touch with them, I will give him that.  He tells me that he will ALWAYS be there for them.  I replied once, yes, you will be there for them if you can, but you live 3 hours away now.    They can't call you up and say, come on over for a cup of coffee....or share something with you that they would have if you were still in our lives.   

Sometimes I feel responsible for all of this - when he tells me I did this or that which caused him to be unhappy.  But when he came back, I made such an effort to put our relationship first so I know that he realizes that  I cared and was willing to go for it 100%.  That changed my  reaction to him saying that we had grown apart and that were only roomates...it just simply wasn't true and he knows it (or he would if he would stop lying to himself)....

I would love to hear from others who had a similar experience - husband coming back, things in the relationship very much better and he still gives up and goes back to the ow......

[NewBeginnings]

phoenixwoman1~Wow, what you said  nailed it right on the head for me.  It was like reading all about my H.
My H is her hero.  He is her families hero.  I was told they are all trailer trash people.  I don't know if I really know the meaning of trailer trash but I do know they are all very poor.  On FB I saw my H gave our furniture away to OW's brother and his wife.  I was shocked.  OW is needy, poor, 2 kids with different daddy's, lost custody of kids and was told she probably has STD's.  But my H loves her and has cut me and his son off for a month today from all money.  He's trying to starve me out of the Villa I rent.  Wants me to get something cheap.  I have no money to move.  My Atty told me to  stay were I am at because if I settle for less now I will be screwed and the longer H goes without paying me anything, the more trouble he is going to be in and the Judge is going to kick his ass. He is in contempt of court and he doesn't even care.   Looking forward to that.     He is being so cruel to me and our S.   We have had NC for a month now.  Found out today my emergency court date isn't until Aug 3rd.  I guess the courts don't know what emergency means.  Also, H was supposed to have his financials at my Atty's by last Friday.  Not there yet but he did make a settlement offer and it is soooo rediculous I can't even tell you.  I guess he thinks I am stupid!   I really didn't want this to get ugly but I'm afraid it's going to.  He is just being to mean and he doesn't even care if his son and I end up homeless in a tent someplace.  This is all just to shocking. 

Anyway, everything you said about H and OW is so true.  My H has low self esteem.  He's always needed alot of praise which I know I didn't give him anymore.  OW definately builds his ego up.  She kisses his ass and H just loves that.  She makes him feel so important.  Unbelievable that H's can leave their families, kids ect. just to have someone build up their ego.      The part about us wives becoming independent makes sense to as I got my RE license last summer and H has thrown that in my face a couple of times when he first abandoned us.  I think he was threatened by it.  I think he felt like I didn't need him anymore.  So sad.  Here I was doing it to help us.  I wanted him to be proud of me.  I am so happy that I got my RE license but in the same sense I feel like it backfired on me. 
Life does go on.  It's been 3 months since the BD and a little over a month since I found out about OW and I am definately in a much better place.  Before knowing of OW I was very depressed but since finding out about her I am mad.  And now that he has cut me and his only child from money, I am furious!   

[Mamma Bear]

 Heartbroken so sorry all the bad stuff. Keep your chin up. I know it's hard. Our MLCers are like drunk drivers swerving all over the road. They don't know what they want.  Yet..
  Trailer Trash refers to Trailer Park Trash b/c some people who live in these trailers act kind of "LOW CLASS"  It is really not about wealth but more a lack of decency and everything makes your face scrunch up like this
    They let their kids run outside in street with no shoes...ripped messy clothes.. ketchup on turkey at  Thanksgiving.   No nothing..no inspiration. no desire to be kind..well educated always fighting always cops always alcohol and drugs and unexplained pregnancies etc etc endless garbage and ugliness. Never a good shining moment. ALL WRONG.  My take on it anyway..

[Foxberry]

phoenixwoman1~Wow, what you said  nailed it right on the head for me.  It was like reading all about my H.
My H is her hero.  He is her families hero. Anyway, everything you said about H and OW is so true.  My H has low self esteem.  He's always needed alot of praise which I know I didn't give him anymore.  OW definately builds his ego up.  She kisses his ass and H just loves that.  She makes him feel so important.  Unbelievable that H's can leave their families, kids ect. just to have someone build up their ego.     

Heartbroken,

How true  ......when my H came back at Easter, contrite for 24 hrs and then the blame game started at me: my fault for everything including his affair! How when I was dancing with him - I didn't look at him but round the room??? I said "Did I?" ; the petty things he told me were unbelievable, but I allowed him to diss me for over 10 days...my self-esteem was non-existent and I just couldn't understand why my H would come back supposedly to make our marriage work; finish with OW and then start  to rip me to shreds personally - obviously because he was still in love with all aspects of OW and missed her attention... hard for me to say but clearly spending time with me wasn't what he "needed".  He was used to OW soothing his ego, using her favourite word that he was "special"; letting him persue his "reinvented" self....me? I was boring and part of his old life.....I just wish I could have said or done something to "compete"....

Having a bad day today     I still miss him, despite what he has done to me... but I know he's not coming back, too much water under the bridge really.... too many dreadful things said by both of us....and OW will neer let him go.... I try every day to move on but it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  He's going on holiday with OW and her family next Saturday to Spain for a week - even though he has no money and she is supporting him!!!  How wonderful does it make her look?  Irony here is that he accused ME of booking holidays despite US having no money     I really don't understand how he can do this to me....

Fox xxxx

[NewBeginnings]

FOX ~ I am so sorry.  I can only imagine the excitement you had knowing your H was coming home for Easter only to have him be cruel to you.    My H left a month before and Easter was mine and my sons first Holiday alone and it was dreadful.  He said he was alone and didn't do anything.  A month later found out about OW so I know he was with her and her family.      I don't think I will ever understand how these men walk away from the wife and children just like that. 

I like you, miss my H but he is being so cruel to us that I am beginning to feel hate towards him.  He hasn't given me one  penny in a month.  I had to file to get support and found out my  emergency court date for support isn't till Aug. 3rd!  H is breaking the law.  He mad a rediculous settlement offer yesterday through our Attorneys.   I just laughed!  I am not going to accept anything until he has to go to court and he has to face the consequences for cutting me and his only child off from all money for months!   I have no money and he knows that.   I always feel like he won't come back to.  In all honesty, I don't feel like I would ever take him back anyway but it would be nice if he came crawling one day.      I hope you have a better day.  I have my really bad days too.  Take care.