[LifeGoesOn]

RCR has a great review of the stats around here somewhere. I could not find it. Basically, the stats are not infavor of the A. Something like 5 out of a hundred are married and still together after 5 years. But. Does it matter? Yours is the one that matters. Hmmm.

@ LG. YES! What defines "success"? And what is LOVE? Are they together b/c it is the easier path? Or to prove out of stubborness that it was true love for which they have sacrificed EVERYTHING ?

[Dontgiveup]

I think the info referred to by RCR is called Infidelity Statistics and can be found in the link to the blogs.

I think what is specifically being referred to by success in this thread is does an affair relationship tend to last, and the statistical answer is no.

[Mamma Bear]

 Plus think about it ..when two people meet and start to fall in love and move in together they let some time pass ...dating.....courtship etc          That's NOT what we are experiencing. We are experiencing madmen (or women) with DEAD eyes RUNNING down the street to get away from their families. (not just the wife)
 They were sad and depressed and in a panic when they did it.  How could that miraculously turn into a loving,caring ,thought out relationship. Their foundation is built on dog$h!te and wet oatmeal. Pull--EEEZE............especially since most of the Hs on here or Ws were NICE TENDER CARING PEOPLE before this happened. I mean really.......................
  You'd have a better chance of Charlie Sheen at the top of the Republican ticket next fall then for an MLC Replay Affair Down turning into Camelot

[LisaLives]

   You'd have a better chance of Charlie Sheen at the top of the Republican ticket next fall then for an MLC Replay Affair Down turning into Camelot

Is that very unlikely?  He still cleans up pretty well when he wants to, and all those Godesses would make a great cabinet...

[Synicca]

LMAO! Mamma!!

I can totally visualize our H's running down the street, butt-ass naked with their hair on fire...screaming
" I Cant take this anymore!!!!"

[Buggy31]

Are they together b/c it is the easier path? Or to prove out of stubborness that it was true love for which they have sacrificed EVERYTHING ?

I see this as being a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE part of the dynamic of why it takes so long for them to return...but eventually BS even gets exhausting.  Eventually and I think this is what takes so long...they have to dispel the LIES they are telling themselves.  I would imagine that is a tough place to get to when there is so much damage created ON TOP of what the MLCer is already suffering.

Very few things are in their favor

[truth_seeker]

  You'd have a better chance of Charlie Sheen at the top of the Republican ticket next fall then for an MLC Replay Affair Down turning into Camelot

Mamma Bear - You're hilarious!! LMAO

Affairs does not a MLC make.  Just because someone has an affair doesn't mean its based on MLC.  Some affairs do in fact turn into long term successful 2nd marriages.  Paul Newman and Sting are too examples of long standing marriages which started out as affairs from my understanding. Now I could be wrong but that's my understanding.  Don't agree with it but it happens.  But they were not having a MLC.  Don't know about the accuracy of statistics nor believe it's really all that important IMO.

A MLC person is not in their right frame of minds as we know.  The OP is simply a diversion from their reality and will eventually implode.  Two NUTZO insecure people will create more NUTZO craziness.  It's not healthy in any way.  Running gets exhausting and in time they will have no choice but to stop.  Now the MLC'er may keep running onto another OP but the same thing will continue to happen.  Different OP same problem.  They still need to face themselves even if it's the last thing they do.

[Stillpraying]

I look back on my relationship before BD and the more I read and learn the more I beleive I have been in an emotional and verbally abusive relationship.  Whether H will realise that and want to return remains to be seen but he tells me enough that "Our marriage is over" and this is his life now.  I don't disagree but he seems bent on letting me know at regular intervals.  I don't feel he will stay with her long term and be happy.

I'm curious as to why LBS'ers take their MLC'ers back while they are still continuing with EA.  My childrens' counselor strongly stressed that I was to be very careful in this regard as it's so upsetting for the kids.  Mine has left twice but when he came back the first time I didn't know anything about MLC or that there was an OW. 

Personally, I could not accept him back while he is #@!!# OW.  And I think his narcissm will keep him from ever admitting he has a problem because that's how he's always been (ie it's always some one elses fault and it's up to others to make him happy).  The only glimps of fixing himself was before I met him when he stopped smoking pot and quit 'cold turkey' .  We've yet to see that strength again.

[With Gods Help!]

Mamma am sure God sent you and LG to us to enable us LBS to laugh again that statement about h running off down the street from their family’s had me in stitches i nearly wet myself........its a bit like the movie FUN FOREST RUN.............OHHHHHH and im sure you and Lg are twins or come from the same cast, i never tire of reading your two posts lol...............sorry for the hijack.............xxxxxxxxxxx

[Dontgiveup]

It is correct that an affair by itself is not MLC.  There are a list symptoms in addition to that.....which for most of our MLCers, you can put a check by the majority of them.  The "speech" in some form, the urge to abandon or run, hopelessness, seeking happiness/fulfillment....the list goes on.

I also don't necessarily put that much in statistics themselves, but I would also venture to say that the statistics we do know can help us with our Stand.  And even throwing the numbers aside......statistical conclusions can be helpful.

For instance, would nearly as many people Stand if we knew that "most" MLCers did NOT make it through their crisis?

Would it be even harder to ignore the OM/OW if we knew "most" affairs turned into long term relationships or marriages?