[Mamma Bear]

 LG    I wasn't hyper bonding, was I?  Oh, what is that?   I do leave him alone. What were you referring to.    I never call him. I never go anywhere I might run into him.  I have duct tape over my pie hole. Were you referring to the above post? Where I tried to give him a kiss?  That was Washington's Birthday back in February. Since then nothing...I wouldn't want to appear too forward. I mean I've only know him for 16 years. Been married for 11................

[Shantilly Lace]

Hyperbonding is when both of you bond again (temporarily unfortunately).
 
It will involve lots of great sex, affection and fab times.
 
Then as far as I can tell they withdraw again *sigh* 
 
Mine lasted about 3 or 4 weeks.  Before that I was nothing.

[Mamma Bear]

Thanks Shant,  I'm starting to HATE THEM...You can not make this s**t up. Holy Cow. What insanity!  OK I'll watch out for that ....sounds like something I would not want Not he new improved me 8)Especially since I don't drink anymore.......LOL

[Shantilly Lace]

Well for me I thought he was coming home.  And he did for 3 days.
 
It isn't something you realise till afterwards it feels real and solid and yep he's coming home, a celebration almost.

[Mamma Bear]

  Ouch! Sorry. I forgot we don't have a crystal ball. That must've really sucked
  I got thinking before about this topic (what was it again?) Statistics..there is no way there could be statistics worth anything b/c of the nature of what we're dealing with here. Too many variables.
  I guess if you think about what a lot of us are looking at it's like watching someone HIT ROCK BOTTOM.  When that happens they either turn back for assistance from a place of trust and safety or they spiral further and further down into a black hole. Thats the choices as I see them. These crazed maniacs are not abandoning families and skipping down a path of tulips and parasols.  100% chance of that

[Rollercoasterider]

The article you're looking for was in the original newsletter and I just put it up on the blog.

Will the MLCer Marry the Alienator?

[TrustingMyHP]

RCR,

Thanks for posting the link to your earlier article.  I'd remembered reading it when I first came onto this site and it was good to reread.

Unfortunately, in my little circle of friends and relatives (maybe we're talking 150-200 people here) I know of 2 marriages that resulted from affairs and they are still ongoing (from 20 to 25 years.)  I've also made it a bit of a study in talking with friends since my H left 6 months ago and have heard a number of stories from them about marriages that were the results of affairs.  Two girlfriend's fathers, for example, left their mothers for OW and the marriage lasted until the death of one of the partners.

There are also, of course, more examples among my family & friends of affairs that did not result in marrages/the marriages did not last. 

So, if in my small circle there were 2 long term marriages as the result of affairs, it makes me queasy about the chances for my marriage.  I'm not saying I don't believe the published studies, I do.  It just is uncomfortable to know that these situations, in my limited circle, have happened.

TMHP

M  58
H  60
D  22
M  38 yrs
BD  Jan. '11
H living with OW

[Moving Forward]

I am in a minority on this site I think in that my ex husband has married his OW.

He started his emotional affair in November 2008, left me after I confirmed his affir (he denied it) on October 2009, the divorce was final on 11th April 2011 and he married her on 17th June 2011.

She was his ex girlfriend from 27 years ago and had never married and has no children.

I'll keep ya all posted.....

Peace

P
xx

[Synicca]

This was a subject my friend and I were discussing yesterday,

If the Affair R does last...and they do marry...and are in MLC....What are the chances then? If they are so screwed up
in the head and stay in Replay for years and years....do they stay in the marriage because they are stuck??

 just because it lasts...doesnt mean they are happy, My Dad is miserable now ( married his OW, going on 9 yrs )
and he is depressed ALL the time, doesnt really want to stay married to her but does because of finances. ( his excuse)
but he is almost 70 years old.

IDK, hard to tell...this friends EX married his Affair woman..and he is miserable too...been married for almost 10 years,
He says his wife is a mean person, and recently cheated on her, but wont leave her because SHE has everything in
her name now? dont know if that is a resonable excuse..

[Rollercoasterider]

Unfortunately, in my little circle of friends and relatives (maybe we're talking 150-200 people here) I know of 2 marriages that resulted from affairs and they are still ongoing (from 20 to 25 years.)

So, if in my small circle there were 2 long term marriages as the result of affairs, it makes me queasy about the chances for my marriage.  I'm not saying I don't believe the published studies, I do.  It just is uncomfortable to know that these situations, in my limited circle, have happened.

 
Technically the affair-to-marriage stats would be based on a sample made up of people having affairs--so out of 200 affairs a certain percentage may end up married--and tha marriages themselves would have a high rate of divorce.

But let's use your sample of 200 people. From that 200 you know of 2 couples, 4 people who had an affair and married. That's 2%. That fits the stats.

Before Sweetheart's MLC I personally knew of very few situations of infidelity. Now there may have been many going on that I didn't know of, but the one that rises to the top of is not just a memory but more of an experience. I can only think of that one case where I was certian of infidelity. I have a suspected case on the other side (you'll know what the other side refers to in a moment); but only one where it was certain.

And my stepmother is still married to her OM. She and my Dad will celebrate their 25th anniversay in February.

As for my Mom...well there was the very close (suspicious) relationship she had with my Uncle--my Dad's sister's husband. They were separated for a few months when I was about 4, but they got back together. And yet I don't think I'd say they were very reconconciled. They loved each other, but in the way the Bickerson's or that couple in the comic strip--the Lockhorn's?--and they didn't have sex for 25+ years. I know because they were vocal about it.

But if I were to take the sample from my life, of the definite affairs 50% ended up married. I almost said 100% because I actually forgot to include Sweetheart! Awesome, I forgot!