[Trustandlove]

Baxter,

I didn't exactly counter-sue; where we are you have to have grounds for a divorce in the first 2 years, i.e. one has to accuse the other of 'unreasonable behavior'.  What I did was write back (through L) to say that I didn't admit to those accusations, but that if he was so determined to divorce then I couldn't stand in his way (was very definitely advised not to contest, as here that means a trial, and basically just costs huge amounts of money without stopping the divorce) and if I had to be divorced then it would not be on lies, and that I would be the one to file.

That would have meant that I would have had to accuse him of things.  I had told him that putting such accusations about me on public record was a cruel act, and that I would have given him many qualities, but never cruelty.  That really hit him hard; he doesn't like to be thought of as bad. 

It never got that far; somewhere during that time he broke down and said that he was a mess, was miserable, had no one to talk to, all that.  I then wrote to him saying that he should know that I had a meeting to take the petition further, but that given what he had told me I would do what he wanted, i.e.  go ahead, postpone, or cancel.  He said to cancel, as he didn't know what he felt. 

I now know that that was around the time he realized that the alienator who had precipitated him leaving was a total nutter, but it could also have been the thought of being accused that stopped it.  H has always had a fear of being thought the bad guy or the villain in this, he has said so in those words. 

He has never picked up the action, even though at this point accusations would no longer be necessary.   When our daughter asked him back in the fall if he was going to divorce me, he told her that he would 'at some point'. 

Who knows.

[Still]

Just bumping this up......some insight into how much has changed in Baxter's situation.

[limitless]

My H told me and our kids that he wanted a divorce on the day he left. (6 weeks ago).
One week later when asked if he wants a divorce, his response is "I can't answer that question."
No talk of it since.

[Undaunted]

My H filed the same day he left town to parts unknown. To him, it wasn't a bargaining chip. D seems to represent a ticket to freedom and independence. Though without a job, I don't know how H will fund that independence.

I'm also noting the vast change in Baxter's sitch since this thread was first posted.

[LIVINSTRONG]

My H asked 2 weeks ago I told hime he would have to handle it and he has not mentioned it again nor to my knowledge has he contacted the attorney

[OldPilot]

RCR -  I guess it just looks like with the 3 or 4 of us on here... it seems like we were served  in the early stages.   I am expecting papers next week, myself and my MLCer does not have an OW,  guess I am just looking for answers that are not there... UGGG

I will point out another part of this that changed, was that she thought there was no OW.
Turns out there was one.

Not that it really matters at this point, but it could have been another reason he was asking for a divorce.

[missherlove]

Just posted an update to my thread and that is the major thing I have noticed in my sitch.  My wife could have filed on August 26 and and said she was going to file back on June 8th and I never mentioned it again until September 9 when I asked where our relationship stood.........still I have seen nothing. 

I researched it, at this point either one of us could file and it would cost approximately $167.  I don't think my W knows how to do it herself and would enlist the assistance of a lawyer which I definitely know she does not have the money for.  I have determined that I am not going to say anything else about it again.

Maybe I will get a chance to introduce her as my "wife" when we go for parent/teacher conferences in the next 2 weeks.  I am not sure how I am supposed to intoduce her when we are together.  Kind of funny actualy.

Cheers

[readytofixmyselffirst]

My w has never asked for a divorce but has brought it up often. She also will tell me that she does not want a divorce but if she had to make a choice right now, she would choose a divorce. Talking about being confused. I keep postponing any talk of a d because it takes six months from the time you file to completing if the divorce is uncontested. However, if I contest it, it could take longer especially if the courts become involved.

My hope is that through IC, she may have some time to give up OM, deal with the withdrawals and come back to reality. I think my situation is difficult because she is in love with a fantasy. As long as this person is a fantasy and I am real, fantasy will beat out reality everytime.

Of course, things could change if the OM starts to get pushy or if his w finds out. Who knows because I don't want to intrude and for all I know, his w could be in on this whole thing. It is too bizarre for me to figure out or even try to understand.

[Glimmer]

I asked my H if he wanted a divorce at bomb drop. He said (at the time) that he didn't then, but he may want to way into the future. We have never discussed it since.
I think with a lot of MLCers the possiblity of D is there right at the beginning because they are so sure they have made the right decison to walk away from the M. In their minds it would be a natural progression as they are so certain then that the marriage is over, and they have no intention of returning.
As time goes on and they start to cycle back and forth, I think they then start to get nervous and panicky that their LBS may have believed them and would not want them back. I know with my H he has told me he gets scared and he doesn't want me to give up on him, even though for now he can't give up OW. 

[Still]

I don't know, Glimmer. Like everything else, I think each situation is different.

My H never mentioned divorce until speech #3....which was a year and a half after the initial speech and nearly two years after he started drastically changing.

My H doesn't cycle back and forth either.

So, I think it is a roll of the dice either way.