[Mamma Bear]

   Synnica, No A lot of alcoholics I know can see it in others but not THEMSELVES!     People sometimes only see and hear what they want to see and hear. especially about themselves. What else is MLC but a running away from looking at yourself. Trying to start over with a clean slate.   Too bad the other slate they had is thrown under the bus!
  I think I was answering a question from a previous page that asked  "Can't they see MLC in themselves?"

[Thundarr]

I swear, is my W the only freaking one out there who doesn't admit or doesn't realize that she's going through something?!?  She says she jus saw an opportunity and decided to jump at it and not look back.  This just pi**es me off to no end that she is so adamant about not being wrong that she will push this to the ends of the Earth.  It's all me that's wrong and she wants away from me.  She's not going through anything, I'm just an a-hole.  An a-hole that sacrifices everything for her kids but still an a-hole.  Damn it.

[LettingGo]

MsZing, mine has hinted at a timeline of two years as well.... WTH??

He also continually says he doesn't know why he does the things he does, but that it will get better, he promises! So, perhaps it's like they are in prison, and all of our anger and pushing to get them to "make a decision" is ridiculous.... they can't get out before their sentence ends!

Thundarr, your wife is too new in the prison system.... she hasn't been scared straight yet, LOL!! Give her time.... she'll figure out she's going through SOMETHING, but she may never admit it to you. They think they are going crazy a lot of the time... and it's scary.... so better to put the blame on YOU and the marriage for stressing her out to that point... for keeping her "down". My husband has used every line in the MLC script including "I feel like I missed out on some things"..... and he consistently uses "I'ts not you, it's me...."

They know something is wrong, but they can't figure out what.

[Thundarr]

I think my W may have said at one time that this was about her,not me.  But, every other time has been "It's not me, it's you."  In regular breakups, saying "it's not you, it's me" really means "it's you."  So, with MLC being opposite and all, maybe "it's not me, it's you" mght mean "it's me."  I don't freaking know.

[BonBon]

Thundarr,
From what I've read here and in other places, I think women are more reluctant to see that they are in MLC.  I might be wrong...but that's been my take. 

My H realized what it was before I did though he found it very embarrassing and still denied that everything he said or did was due to MLC.  Now he says he's all done with MLC.  LOL!!!!!!
hahahahahahhahahahahahaha!

[MsZing]

Letting GO

I must say the timeline thing is interesting! Are they thinking that theyu just want to party for 2 years? well, not thinking , but driven . I dont thinking really comes in to it.

After initially crying the day of BD I have not cried in front of him, not begged or pleaded or anything else. Dont even contact him unless it is in response to a txt from him.

He told me I am wonderful and have been so good to him and he doesnt want to hurt me. I pointed out it was too late he already had!
Im just leaving him to it..the journey he is on is HIS. I have my own

[Musica]

My H has read a lot about MLC the past few months and says that he is a typical example. I think maybe he's starting to think he can use it as an excuse for more bad behaviour! Maybe its better if they don't actually realise, but the LBS is the one with all the knowledge.

[BonBon]

lpxpe,

I agree.  As I wrote before, my H told me...not the other way around..that he was having an MLC.  I thought this was good and in some ways, I think this knowledge has kept him from going too far off the deep end but now I also realize that it has been used as an excuse to explain things which require more explaining.  At times, he has seen it as a pass for bad behavior which it of course is not.  And that is quite galling.

[LettingGo]

Well, just going on record as saying I don't believe they are that diabolical to use MLC as an excuse..... most of them are pretty darn miserable after the first few months of replay behavior..  it still sucks, but sick people aren't out to get you....

I think the timeline is some INNER clock that they feel.....

[Musica]

Sorry but you don't know my H ... its his birthday tomorrow, my D's (age13) had got his presents for him, then he saw them yesterday and said he is busy till next Monday ... they are so disappointed and hurt. He uses the excuse of MLC as he has just reconnected with OW and is going to be busy with her and his drinking buddies ... his birthday being the excuse. I know he's not happy either, but these fixes of pleasure sure give him a buzz that he doesn't like to miss for anything, not even his children, whom I know he loves very much. He is an addict to the high and he uses MLC as an excuse to justify it ... he's said that to me, I'm sure he's looked at this forum ... he goaded me with it just yesterday, MLC takes time you know ... those were his words.

He may just surprise us and show up ... who knows, sometimes his guilt gets the better of him. We'll see.