[hyperglad]

Well TBH if he goes he goes...at the moment i don't care (new name maybe he he ) , of course I would prefer he woke up, presented me with a big bunch of Flowers, whisked me off to Paris for a romantic weekend but somehow, I cant see it happening...

what I did see happening was him knowing he was safe, safe  to do whatever he wanted and i feel , even though OW is gone now, 2 months ago he connected again...and that was DISRESPCTFUL , MLC yes, but disrespectful never the less

It has made me think. I told him last night, go to her she is not the problem, that lies in you (of course he said i don't want to durr) ,

no R talk I know... DGU kill me now ha ha but tell you something i feel a lot better for being me for a change...sorry tight lipped Lizzy and putting up Petra just doesn't fit for me...I tried, i failed and i may live to regret it...But at least I now feel I can breathe again

We need TIME as OP says, the gift... but not together , not for now anyhow.

[Dontgiveup]

"no R talk I know... DGU kill me now ha ha but tell you something i feel a lot better for being me for a change"

I have no issue with what you chose to say.  My goal is to encourage and help educate about the MLC process in regard to time frame and acceptance.

[hyperglad]

DGU I know and i find you links so useful, i was only kidding  .... I am doing this for me and I feel so much better TBH...may be a short fix but hey 

[With Gods Help!]

Mmmmmmmmmmmm lets see what mistakes have i made...........probably not kicking his head in and also castrating him cos lets face it he wouldn’t remember it was me would he  lol  ...............to be honest i cant think of a lot really apart from detaching sooner....... i feel we go through this journey and learn from our mistakes........if not how do we not know there mistakes until we've been through it.............people can tell us til their blue in the face but we don’t get it til we get it if that makes sense  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[stayingthecourse]

Mistakes - wow!  I did the crying, pleading, begging.  Wrote long letters, apologized for everything under the sun.  All the classic newbie errors. 

I am glad that I wrote the letters, it was a form of journaling that helped me to see the things that I really needed to work on for myself.  I have done a lot of ME work.

I have really, really detached just in the last few weeks.  The conversation with my H a few days ago, made me realize that I had detached.  I am finally able to REALLY stand back and watch the show.  This does not mean that I do not feel pain from the things he does and says - I have given my H lots, and lots, of my life - and he can still hurt me.

The difference now is that I KNOW I can make it without him.  It is TRULY his loss.  I also KNOW that this person is not the man that I married, I have not lost the dream of growing old with this person - I lost the dream with the man I married.  I spent almost a year trying to figure out why what I was doing was not working and trying to get my H to respond to me the way he used to.  I kept expecting him to "wake up" and be the man that I know.  That man is gone and I do not know if he will be back. 

So now it is truly all about ME.  Beautiful, lovable, fun, happy, joyfull, laughing, strong, independent, ME!  hehe.  (a year ago I would not have given myself any of those attributes!)  and if MY REAL H ever returns - we may have a shot at a future, but there is no way I am going back to what we had before.

[Strong girl]

STC---

looooove what you wrote! that is awesome! 

[hyperglad]

well said STC exactly how I feel 

[subooru]

Mistakes, I made SO, SO many.  I was stubborn and thought I could "fix this" MLC.  I have been on the forum since May 2010, and BD was August 2009.  Just in the last few months have I started to finally get it.  That is nearly 2 years from BD.  I still get sucked into H's drama and he has swung from monster to seeming to come through the tunnel to monster to moving out after threats of over a year.

I still make mistakes, but the difference is that I don't beat myself up as I did for the mistakes.  I did not rewrite our history, H did.  I did not have the affair, H did, and I did not leave my wife and daughter, H did.  I make plenty of mistakes.  I came from a place of fear for so long, I didn't even know I was still so fearful.  Now, I am not afraid.  I am sad that my H is still so far gone, and who knows how long it will take him to come out (if he does).  I am not waiting to live my life.  I am living it and doing the things I want to and need to. 

MLC is the most confusing, frustrating and painful experience of my life, but it also was the catalyst for the most dramatic growth and personal development I think I have ever experienced.  Do I wish MLC had happened? No, but the insights, growth and confidence I have gained is so important.

I still have the "knowing" (as HB and RCR call it) that at some point my H and I will be back together.  That intuition has never wavered. I have gotten worn out and felt like giving up, but I still "feel" that giving time, my H will start to come out of the tunnel. I am trying to be the lighthouse right now, but this lighthouse is shining and I am shining my light on me and making my life as good and happy and focused as I can.  This little light of mine, I am going to let it shine!

Great idea for a topic!

Subooru

[hyperglad]

Oh Sub I could have wrote every word as it all relates to me and my sitch and my OW BD was Aug 09 so I am too only just getting it...

[stayingthecourse]

Subooru,

I agree with Hyper - this is the same with me. 

Funny how as time goes on, us LBS seem to "get it" and then have our own script that we follow.  LOL!  I like this script much much better.

STC