[Synicca]

And if you do try to stop it...I believe that you also take the risk of stopping the MLC process there for causing it to rear its ugly
head AGAIN down the road, 10 fold...believe me...Been there done that!! and NO FUN!!

Let it ride out...It sucks, but trying to put a wedge in there can be a bad move.
Just my .02

[Patience]

I am in agreement with most here.  With a normal affair and a "normal" person exposure of the affair or the potential affair typically ends it.  With MLC that does not happen.  It's really one of the "signs" that the spouse is in a MLC.   For lots of reasons I won't get into now, I discovered and uncovered the affair.  H lied when I asked him about it post BD.  Supposedly OW called it off the day I discovered it.  Within a few weeks or days, it was back on.  This is how I knew he was MLC, and it was likely the OW was too.  Once that ball is rolling, there is no way to stop it with MLC.  We must let it roll.  The MLCer has lessons to learn from that affair. 

I've had the "fun" experience of watching it move from an EA to PA to EA to "friendship" to nothing.  He sees the bad things in her now, etc., etc.  This is played out as they try to end the affair.  Many of them try to retain a friendship or whatever.  The MLCer wants to continue to be the good guy and has a difficult time just ending it period.   LG is seeing this.  I've lived this.  Mermaid has seen it in the EA of her husband.  I think it's part of the whole clinging boomerang thing. 

LG is absolutely right.  It doesn't matter if it is PA or EA.  It is a betrayal and an interference in the marriage.  The actions we take as they try to end the affair and call it a friendship or whatever will vary as we are individuals.  Until that relationship is OVER though, the things we will do as we try to reconcile will be a kind of paving the way.  Although my H has been home for almost 11 months now, in hindsight, those first few months were mainly reconnecting.  The things we worked on in reconciling our marriage were building blocks that could fall apart as long as OW was some how still in the picture. 

[BonBon]

This is a really interesting question. 

For the record, my H still says he did not have an EA with his co-worker, two years ago (BD followed my discovery of Mr. & Mrs. Secret Friends).

I say he did indeed as per the strict definition of EA such as secrecy, and so on.  They spent alot of lunches together (she is a co-worker) and went out for drinks a few times (supposedly others were there too but I doubt that).  She called him "Babe" as witnessed by the text message I discovered.  He swore then and now that it was never physical.  (I will never really know that though for sure, will I?)

At the time, my biggest fear was that it would turn into a PA.  Now, looking back, I've often wondered if it would have made a difference but I can't really know that unless I experienced it.  For me, the emotional betrayal through lying and his obvious glee when she would contact him was nearly enough to sink our relationship.  It certainly damaged trust between us for the next hundred years or so.  But would it have been worse if it was indeed physical?  I don't know.  Sometimes I think yes, sometimes I think no.

As to the original question, I did in fact intercede but I don't believe that had any bearing on it turning physical or not (assuming again that it didn't).  I called her directly (I knew nothing of MLCs or how to deal with them at that time) and told her that her relationship with my H was OVER with the exception of work issues. 

I told him the same thing and told him he had to choose between her and me.  Since he has been relatively low energy, is this something he would not have gone further with anyway?  Or did I snap him into reality somewhat?  I think the answer is the former.  I think he is just low energy to begin with.  I do know though that just prior to my finding out about her, they had plans to meet ALONE on a weekend and he told me I was not invited and that her husband would not be there either.  Supposedly this was for him to see her dogs run...how stupid is that.  I told him if he went, he would not find me at home when he returned.  He didn't go.  I also told him if he ever had a PA, we were done.

So I just don't know what my reactions did or did not do.  Interesting topic.

[Standing in Patience]

So at the beginning I did speak with her and told her that I noticed inappropriate behavior between them and she said "I didn't mean to cause trouble." I now realize that her response was not just an acknowledgement that she was involved but really an admission (projection) that she was going to cause trouble. Of course, the fault is also with my h.

I didn't tell my h of the conversation unless after h left. Did I screw up? Should I have told h that I had confronted her right away? Should I have gotten her sorry a$$ fired? She worked for my h, of course.

Would that have stopped the EA from going to a PA? Woulda, coulda, shoula?

[LoveMeMyself]

When I discovered the OW about 3 weeks after my ex H moved out I confronted him.  The proof was in the cell phone bill..........texting between them like 24/7........I kid you not........and they worked in the same office!  Anyway, he had been drinking when I confronted him.  He said she was just lonely and he felt sorry for her...........REALLY??  What really got my goat was the fact that I attended an office gathering with him and he introduced the witch to me.........at the time I had no idea and they had been "involved" for about a month.  Well, she also had text him her concerns for me.......being alone during the holidays.......and how awful it must be for me to be alone.......yeah, right, like she really cared about me.  That was another OW game.  I didn't know what was going on at the time......didn't realize it was MLC.  So, I also confronted her through text messages/a few phone calls.  Anyway, she eventually quit her job because their affair was exposed.  The tension in their office was so thick you could cut it with a knife!  Then, once their fling was over my ex H hooked up with yet his second OW.....an old high school classmate.  I'm not sure about the second affair but I know the first one went PA after the EA.  I think the second one never made it that far..........not sure.  I also made contact with the second OW through Facebook and even talked with her on the phone.  In her defense, my ex lied to her and told her we were divorced.............she believed him.  I tried to set it straight with her and she broke up with him but apparently he lied to her some more and then she came after me with claws out.......saying all kinds of hateful nasty things to me.  Well, their whatever only lasted about 3 months.  I don't understand why any decent woman with morals would want to be with a married man and/or a man who cheated on his wife..........don't they realize what they are asking for? 

[Thundarr]

  I don't understand why any decent woman with morals would want to be with a married man and/or a man who cheated on his wife..........don't they realize what they are asking for? 

I think you answered yourself well.

And, isn't it touching that OW1 was concerned about your being alone on the holidays?  She is such a saint. NOT!!!