Skip to main content
Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Down

Author Topic: MLC Monster Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?

S
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 337
  • Gender: Female
MLC Monster Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
OP: September 14, 2011, 02:29:26 PM
Am curious? Could it have been stopped? I think some here said they did.

Could a PA go back to a EA and then back to a friend and then they have no feelings for each other?
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 14, 2011, 02:35:45 PM by justasking »
2010
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2139
  • Gender: Male
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#1: September 14, 2011, 02:51:04 PM
I suppose it's possible, but I wouldn't try it; you're more likely to push the two of them together the more that you fight the OP.

Your MLCer is going to do what they want to do.
  • Logged
Me: 45, Her: 40. Married 16 1/2 years, together(-ish) 20.
Status: BD 8/25/09, she moved out 8/28/10. No talk of D.

Every day is another chance to get it right.
http://www.vachss.com/mission/behavior.html

"Counting days won't buy us years" —Wings by HAERTS
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."  —Lily Tomlin
"When we commit to our lovers, we implicitly promise to forgive them. There is no other way we can live with someone for better or worse or until death do us part." —Dr. Frederic Luskin
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 2280
  • Gender: Female
  • Be strong, be brave, be YOU.
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#2: September 14, 2011, 03:17:31 PM
Im not sure if someone going through MLC can "stop" it from going further...Everyone is so different.

but normal people can....It happens all the time.

  • Logged
Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
k
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6918
  • Gender: Female
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#3: September 14, 2011, 03:28:31 PM
HB says that sometimes we and our spouse both yank them out of the crisis, only having them return to a much bigger and deeper crisis further on down the track.

If it's MLC - nothing you do will help. 

I think I yanked my H out of crisis #1 about 10 years ago.  Put a holt to his EA back then.  I really wish I hadn't now.
  • Logged
  • ***
  • Full Member
  • Posts: 200
  • Gender: Female
  • Trying to get through the haze
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#4: September 14, 2011, 04:14:17 PM
At the best of times I dont think we can stop anything  and with MLC there's no point trying.

At the end of the day, our W/H needs to WANT to be with us and not allow EA's totake place. We all have those choices and are responsible for our actions...I talk of regular sane life here!

MLC? PLEASE! I dont think they even know what EA means anymore! I think my H saw it as maning that this was a PA waiting to happen as long as he could get away from me. DIdnt happen , so now he is alone

There would be no point trying to step in or rationalise with a person in MLC
  • Logged
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 16546
  • Gender: Female
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#5: September 14, 2011, 06:09:22 PM
Yes, is it possible to stop a EA from ebcoming an PA. Many times that does happen. But I think not in MLC. In MLC theb affair is about emotions, not the sex or physical attraction.

A PA can also go back to an EA, or to friendship. It can also go from PA to frienship and then no feelings. Or from PA and then no feelings. A PA does not require friendship.

  • Logged
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)
S
  • ****
  • Sr. Member
  • Posts: 337
  • Gender: Female
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#6: September 14, 2011, 06:19:29 PM
Kikki,

How did you yank your h from the EA? What did you say that made your h stop it? How did he stop himself that time even though he was destined to become a future mlcer?
  • Logged
2010
k
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6918
  • Gender: Female
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#7: September 14, 2011, 06:37:10 PM
Standing - well, I discovered the phone records, I phoned the OW and told her what I thought of her (I knew her too - vaguely), I kicked him out of the house and told him he wasn't going to set foot back in it while he was communicating with her, and that if it was a PA to not ever bother coming back.
AND I MEANT IT!

But, in hindsight, although he was in a weird foggy tunnel, he was no where nearly so far in as he became this time. 

Somewhere - I was still able to reach him.  This time - no way - he's a fully blown loon.......

The funny thing is that once he came out of the fog properly a few months later (first time round) he often mentioned what a dysfunctional and destructive person the OW was???
A few months before BD 19months ago, he mentioned that OW2 (still an EA then) knew of OW1 and that she had a reputation for having affairs with married men.
Shock horror!  My H and OW2 both thought she was AWFUL!!!  So distateful these types of women - I would have to wonder what OW2 now thinks she is?  Oh that's right - his soul mate - I forgot there for a moment ......
  • Logged
« Last Edit: September 14, 2011, 07:20:11 PM by kikki »
  • *
  • MLCer Type: Clinging Boomerang
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 4622
  • Gender: Female
  • Husband: 46
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#8: September 14, 2011, 07:20:00 PM
Although we say that OW is nothing but a bandaid... a distraction... means nothing.... would be someone else if not her..... I believe that many times the MLCer is working through some FOO issues with his particular OW/OM.... In the beginning they are attracted to qualities that seem to be admirable to them, but as soon as some time has passed, they often times complain about OW/OM as being just like their MOM, or too much like THEM....

This is only a theory based on a very small amount of anecdotal evidence.

Given that the OW/OM DOES actually serve a purpose, stopping it from being a PA doesn't really make sense.... EA or PA, it's still a betrayal and separation from the marriage... bringing a third person into the mix... giving them importance.... allowing them control and influence....

For the record, I absolutely HATE the PA..... I have resisted accepting this part of the MLC process tooth and nail.... I HATE it... but after 19 months, I'm seeing that the power has shifted BACK to my marriage and to me, so I'm not as threatened by OW relationship.... I know where she's headed. I still hate it, but I know he is working some stuff out with her (yuck!).... so now, the PA is essentially just a used tissue that needs to go to the rubbish bin.... eventually.

Don't focus on trying to stop it.... you really can't. :'(
  • Logged
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

-- Will Rogers

The softest of stuff in the world penetrates quickly the hardest insubstantial. It enters where no room is...

Lao Tsu
k
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 6918
  • Gender: Female
Re: Can you stop an EA from becoming a PA?
#9: September 14, 2011, 07:24:22 PM
Quote from: LettingGo on September 14, 2011, 07:20:00 PM
Although we say that OW is nothing but a bandaid... a distraction... means nothing.... would be someone else if not her..... I believe that many times the MLCer is working through some FOO issues with his particular OW/OM.... In the beginning they are attracted to qualities that seem to be admirable to them, but as soon as some time has passed, they often times complain about OW/OM as being just like their MOM, or too much like THEM....

LG this makes sense.  Otherwise, what on earth would the irrational major pull be to that other person?
Our MLCers certainly can't seem to explain it
  • Logged
Pages: [1] 2  All   Go Up
 

Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.