[Dontgiveup]

AnneJ

"But it is not logical to believe such stuff."

"If someone who has being married/in a relashionsip come to me and started saying all those things about theirs spouse I would be a bit suspicious."

I agree.  The alienator is not operating on logic (and of course neither is the MLCer) from the basic standpoint of being involved with a married person or even recently divorced person.  RCR also has articles about the personality disorders that are sometimes seen in the alienator as well.

And, like you mentioned, the infatuation or "in love" feelings play their part too.  So when these things are all taken into consideration, it's no wonder the MLCer/alienator relationship rarely lasts.

[Synicca]

I think it has alot to do with their personality...I believe my H's OW has some sort of personality disorder..
She claims to have been molested as a child by her uncle and her mom knew about it and did nothing, also that she
divorced an abusive/alcoholic man 2 years ago...and OW claims to have ALOT of health issues...Cancer, lung issues, depression, fibermilagia (sp) and takes all kinds of meds...I say she is the poster girl for being the Mistress in distress! ha!

[Anjae]

Dontgiveup, well, the relashionships do last. It would make sense if such relashionships lasted 2, 3 months, maybe 6. But they do last years and more than many of non MLCer people. OW2 is lasting for more than 3 years. There are marriages that last less.

I have no idea if any of husband's OW had a peronality disorder. Just know that OW2 is the perfect and right woman to the current version of my husband. Maybe that is why she is OW2!  The one willing to live that regressive too young livestyle of his, the one who is happy with her party boy boyfriend. Good for her and for him. Meanwhile, I'll be very, very away from that insane over fast type of life. 

[Moving Forward]

I've mentioned it before but www.baggereclaim.com will give you an insight into why people become OW in relationships and the personality traits a lot of them share. There is a forum on there where OW talk about how they extracate themselves - it's a useful site to read as it focuses on how to have healthy relationships and is pro intelligent choices and good self esteem

P
x

[Dontgiveup]

"the relashionships do last."

Here's a blog from RCR on the subject

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?paged=10

[OldPilot]

Dontgiveup, well, the relashionships do last.

50% of first marriages end in divorce,
the article that DGU posted says 75% of affair marriages fail (strike two)

So you are talking about the 25% here - Anne?
Is that the ones that last?

[Anjae]

"the relashionships do last."

Here's a blog from RCR on the subject

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?paged=10

I've read that feature.

My reasoning is that more than 3 years is more than many marriages between people who were never married before last. Given the insanity of MLC one would expect such relashionships to be very short term. But they are not.

"Most affairs do not result in marriage and of those that do most will end in divorce." True. But it does not make much of a difference if the marriage that resulted from affair ended or not in divorce. The marriage that did not resulted from infidelity also had ended in divorce.

"...and the more liaisons a person had, the more likely it was that they would not remain married to the first spouse. "
I think this is so. The more people you have relashionships with the least change of remaining married to the first spouse.

"There is a greater likelihood that the divorcing partner will be back with the original spouse in five years than that the romantic affair will be a stable marriage at that time.5"
Maybe true. However, imagine me. I have been on this for 5 years. Lets imagine it takes one more to divorce to be final. That makes 6. Even if it only take husband a year after divorce to be back I do not think I will be available. Sorry, too much time has passed.
At the present moment there has been more time with husband has a vanisher than as clinging boomerang/boomerang. The man is a complete stranger to me. And he will need a lot of time to heal and change. Each day I find it more and more difficult that a reconciliation, even if after divorce, will happen.

Still, this is about the alienator. It really makes no sense to spend 3 or so years of our life with a married man/woman. Nor wanting a person who does not mind living the spouse for us.

However, there are always exceptions. Sometimes OW (in the two cases I know not from MLC) lasted long, or as long, as the wife. In both cases the man did divorce the wife and OW become wife nº 2. Those relashionships have been lasting for more than 30 years. Still, it was not MLC.

[Anjae]

Dontgiveup, well, the relashionships do last.

50% of first marriages end in divorce,
the article that DGU posted says 75% of affair marriages fail (strike two)

So you are talking about the 25% here - Anne?
Is that the ones that last?

I'm not talking about marrying the alienator. I'm saying that these relashionships with the alienator do last more than many marriages between people that marry for the first time or that many relashionships that did not begin with infidelity.

Many relashionships that did not begin with infidelity last less than 2 years. Sometimes they last 3 or 4, marriages includes. However a relashionship between an MLCer and an alienator can last as long or more.

That does not makes much sense. At least not to me...

[Synicca]

Anna- My dad married his OW...They were having an affair for about 8 years, even though we suspect it was more like 10 years..
When my mom found out, she filed for Divorce...my dad didnt want one....BUT, he didnt want to give up OW either...When my mom
filed...and left, my Dad moved in his OW and they married shortly after the D was final....like a month after..UGH!

My dad has been married to her now for about...10 years and HE is miserable and UNhappy...but, he also feels stuck because he thinks
he cant leave the OW now because of Money...and my dad is now 70 yrs old. so even if they stayed married...doesnt mean they are happy at all..

[Anjae]

One of the man I know that married other OW is my uncle. He is happier with her than he was with my aunt at the time he left. He would not had been happy if he had stayed married with my aunt. Even my aunt says that. But one never knows, maybe they can end up together many years from now. My aunt has been having a boyfriend for the past 14 years so I'm not seing that happening...

But, again, it does not matter if they are happy or not. The thing is those relashionships can last. Saying that they can't is leading people to believe that those relashionships always fail. They don't.

Of course most of them are going to feel stuck, miserable and unhappy. In case of MLC is that thing of the LBS as move on, because the LBS was ready, and the MLC was still in the crisis. The times do not match.