[summer progress]

My friend was recently talking about the OW in her sitch. Her H has cheated on his OW through their whole R. The OW is emotionally needy and constantly forgives him. The other day, I guess OW had enough and kicked him out after he finally showed Monster in a public place around her kids (and everyone else). She left him over an hour away from their home. The OW and my friend have talked before (initiated by OW) when the WS had cheated on OW the first time. My friend listened and told the OW ... if you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you are married to a man who may cheat on his wife. She was not agreeing with their relationship, but showed the OW that she (the OW) had no affect on her. She could carry on a conversation with her and not let it get to her when the OW was trying to get advice from the wife (totally weird... but she successfully let the OW know that the OW had no control over her). She had no positive advice for the OW who was trying to find out where her BF (the WS) was.

He is now living with his sister and my friend wonders if he will finally hit rock bottom and start working on his own issues. Things in la la land are not always as bright and sunny as the WS would have the LBS believe.

Don't give the OW any thought or energy... just sit back and wait for the building to crumble.
Summer

[LettingGo]

CrazyForHim....

Your husband was not ready to come home.... he is in a stage of breakup/makeup with his OW that can last an exasperatingly long time... he will use you to "keep her in line" as in "You're a crazy bit** and I can move home any time... I'm still married" which is the BIGGEST threat to her... she then gets hysterical and begs n pleads..... tells him she won't be so jealous, needy, insecure any more... that she'll do anything to behave.. whatever he wants.

Remember, he is trying to find PEACE in his life.... he needs a soft place to rest while all of this craziness is swirling around in his head! In the beginning, OW was that place... now she's a pain in the a**, but he knows that HOME is not peaceful, cuz his wife will snap and berate him about his affair, LOL!! Sometimes they just need a place to rest.... Your husband isn't there yet... they will break up many more times... you may even hear him tell you he's got all his stuff and it's over for good with her, only to find he runs right back in a couple of days with some made up excuse.... Try not to take it too personally, or to bother telling him no... you don't NEED to... he will say one thing and turn it around immediately, so don't sweat the stuff like "where will he sleep if he moves home"... it's not going to be a real issue for a while. Sorry....

Also, the fact that your husband is still married, and has a HOME with his wife will ALWAYS keep OW insecure..... but they can go on for years that way...

[crazyforhim]

LettingGo,

Not the answer I was looking for but I actually could feel that he is not ready. And OMG I can't believe this could go on for years....
It's so crazy to think that all this drama makes him stay there and makes her stay with him.
Absolutely crazy!!

I would rather be the LBS than the MLCer for sure.

Keep posting,
CFH

[crazyforhim]

I know this question is counter productive but can someone tell me why everyone else that has met OW has said she is so nice and sweet and treats my H so good. So I guess it is hard to get that out of my mind...if I knew she was horrible and mean it would be easier to accept that the relationship was falling apart. So I am trying very hard to wipe images and thoughts from my brain cause she is portrayed as this saint...(omg sounds so crazy) especially when the forgive H for everything they do.
Please tell me how the relationship crumbles if she is doing everything to make H happy?

[Dontgiveup]

This is how....

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_dealing-with-infidelity_woman-scorned2.html

[Synicca]

Crazy,

It gets really strange when they are breaking up and making up....it can be exhausting!! Ugh! Just hang in there...You will be fine!

Just continue to watch from afar...This is when I really started paying attention to my H's behaviours as it changed dramatically
about every 3 days or so...HUGS


My H's OW treats him like dirt....uses blackmail and sex to get her way.

[crazyforhim]

Yes it does get strange...just when you think it can't get any stranger.
This is only the first breakup and get back together so i guess watching from afar has opened my eyes to a few things...
H doesn't seem happy. OW is trying to make everyone believe they are so happy

Im getting there...I feel stronger!
Only time will tell...lol!!!!

CFH

[Anjae]

Crazy, everybody will that has meet other woman will tell se is so nice and sweat because that is how she is presenting herself to everybody. She has to be so nice and sweet. He is married, she has to convice everyone she is the one for him.

Everyone that had meet husband’s OW1 would say the something about her. In reality, for the little I knew of her, se was nice and sweet. And clingy. And she had me on her way. OW2 also is charming with everyone. But unlike OW1 she does drive husband to be against me. Yes, even if OW is doing everything to make husband happy the relashionship will end. OW1 was everything husband needed, she was all I was not, she was what he wanted to invest in. Well, she is gone forever. True, they never lived together and now there is OW2.

LG, funny that think of them always fighting and making up. And the fact that the man still married is a thread for OW. We no longer have marital home, so, no way husband can come back home in that sense. However, if all they want is peace, why do they stay with somenone that, like my husband’s OW2 just ads to the mess and stress? I know for a fact that husband filled for the second fault divorce against be after the tow of them had a fall out. There has been a public event and OW2 though husband was giving too much attention to another woman. Next thing you know the man is filling again against is wife. Why on earth do they have so much trouble trying to please or prove something to OW/OM? Why put up with an insecure person and with stuff they would never put up with a spouse? And the ones who’ve had a first OW/Om already know what happens even if they do everything to please the other person. It will not end in happiness.

Summer, a man that cheated on his wife will not necessarily cheat on another person. But some do. But we have spouses that have cheated on the wife, so, why are they good for us and not for someone else? They may just cheat on us again as well… Do we sell ourselves short?...I always wonder about this one because we would not want a relationship with a man that has abandoned and cheated on the wife…It’s a paradox…

[Dontgiveup]

From AnneJ
"a man that cheated on his wife will not necessarily cheat on another person"

Whether he actually will or not, I don't know.  But the alienator knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is capable of it.....since he cheated on his wife to be with her.....and what effect does that have on the trust between the MLCer and alienator?

From RCR's article The Woman Scorned part II
•She's in a relationship with someone who has proven capable of cheating.

[LettingGo]

Crazyforhim.... Ow might be nice and sweet, but she will turn into a raving lunatic VERY SOON!! Remember how your husband made you CRAZY prior to BD? It's now happening to her.... she doesn't feel secure.... doesn't trust him, is starting to notice he is weird, but she's invested a lot into her married boyfriend and NOW, he "Owe's" her as far as she's concerned....

Also, she may have waited on him hand and foot and never complained about anything..... but now it starts to feel like S'Mothering.... I see it in the young women I work with all the time... they are "so in LOVE" with their boyfriends and can't WAIT to play house and move in with him, but I'm already hearing that cutesy "OMG, I'm like.... do your laundry!! Why are you such a slob? I get MY laundry done.... you should be doing that instead of hanging out with your friends!"..... right now it's cute, cuz they haven't hit the two year infatuation wall yet... after that... it is perceived as NAGGING, LOL!!

OW doesn't have to be NASTY, all she has to be is CLINGY and DEPENDENT!! My husband was SO enamored with how "independent" his skank OW was..... now she's "TOO dependant" so I asked him, "well, which IS it? Is she a woman who doesn't NEED a man... or is she TOO NEEDY for a man?" You should have seen the look of confusion on his face... it was priceless!!

Trust the process!