[Anjae]

From AnneJ
"a man that cheated on his wife will not necessarily cheat on another person"

Whether he actually will or not, I don't know.  But the alienator knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is capable of it.....since he cheated on his wife to be with her.....and what effect does that have on the trust between the MLCer and alienator?

From RCR's article The Woman Scorned part II
•She's in a relationship with someone who has proven capable of cheating.

True, OW/OM is in a relashionship with a man/woman that has proven his capable of cheating. But it is also true that we will be (or are) in a marriage with a man/woman that is capable of cheating, abandon a do bunch of mean crazy things to a spouse. So, what effect does that and the existence has on the relashionship and trust between husband and wife? From a logical perpective, the wife/husband has it worst. He/she married her/him and had cheated on her/him. OW/OM is just OW/OM, he/she did not married her/him.

Does this makes sence to you DGU?

[Dontgiveup]

Yes, trust will certainly have to be rebuilt between husband and wife.

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_assurances_trust_deception-destroys-trust.html

[kikki]

I've forgotten where I read this, but it was something along the lines of  - with our spouses relationships with OW/OM being built on lies and deceit, this puts it on a very different platform than the relationships that we built with them over the years.

From the word go, these people will be waiting and watching our spouses for any signs of the same behaviour (well, not too far into their R anyway), and this is not a position from which strong roots and foundations are built.

After being together for so long and having such history, we're dealing with something completely different than the superficial replay R with OM/OW.

My H has said on a few occasions how selfish both he and OW are - nice!!!  and that when he left he was no longer capable of having a R with me and - in fact I'm not capable of having a R with anyone .......  'Well no sh*t sherlock' as Affaircare said somewhere .......

[Dontgiveup]

Kikki

You may be referring to this blog from RCR.

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?paged=31

[Anjae]

True, our relasionship with them begin in a very different way, frame of mind, emotional state.

With OW/OM it may be superficial but it can last a long time. too long for such shallow thing.

Kiki, at least your husband is aware of how incapable of having a deep relashionship with anyone he is at the moment.

DGU, right now I do not trust my husband. The man has even lied to court about where he lives and the reasons why we are separated. And he had never told me that there was OW2 and that he lived with her. However he had no problems with parading with her around town, have their "relashionship" on Facebbok and invitev people into their house. Of course I found out that there is OW2 and that they live together. But never made in any questions about the subject.

[Dontgiveup]

"DGU, right now I do not trust my husband."

You should not trust your husband right now.  You have no reason to.....quite the opposite.

[kikki]

Bingo DGU - It's in the Blog! 

How do you do that?

'Adulterous relationships rarely survive because they are adulterous. They don’t break up because of irreconcilable difference or incompatibility. No, they fail because deception is not something upon which to build anything of permanence. With deception comes a lack of trust and with a lack of trust comes jealousy and attempts to manipulate and control.'

[Anjae]

I know, DGU. But 5 years of not trusting someone you've trusted for 20 years is weird. Husband always gets very upset because I don't trust him.

"Adulterous relationships rarely survive because they are adulterous. They don’t break up because of irreconcilable difference or incompatibility. No, they fail because deception is not something upon which to build anything of permanence. With deception comes a lack of trust and with a lack of trust comes jealousy and attempts to manipulate and control."

True. But I still think they last a long time for the nature they have.

[kikki]

True. But I still think they last a long time for the nature they have.

True - This is a very depressing fact

[Anjae]

More than depressing it is intriguing and puzzling. If they would last 2,3, 6 months, a year in the most, that would make sense. But years? 

There are lots of people out there willing to put up with such relashionships, our spouses included.