[Dontgiveup]

I think the length of time has more to do with the MLC than the relationship.  If it was just about the relationship, it would seem the ones who do end the relationship with the alienator early would go back to the spouse.  But they do not....they may go back to the alienator, or they may find another alienator.

RCR's article MLCers Run Even When the Alienator is Gone discusses this a bit.  The relationship is a symptom of the crisis.....but yes, it does make one shake their head how long it lasts.

[Synicca]

That's one of the things that has puzzled me too......My H has been fighting with OW for months...
confessed that they fought the first actual date they had...,I have even witnessed some of their
fights and she is horrible....has cursed, pushed, hit...and even threatened to call the cops saying H
hit her when in fact he didn't....I have heard her blackmail him...

He has said that he doesn't trust her and she doesn't trust him...DUH!!  Cant expect much from a R that
started out by deceit...hellooooo!!! I think they are so wrapped up in the HIGH, they cant see straight...
How can THAT be bliss??

H and I hadn't fought in 5 years....we argued, but we had stopped the childish fighting long ago and he has even
said..that he told OW, That he couldn't figure out why they couldn't get along...and that him and I hadn't fought
in years...

I have even read a letter and email, where OW says she wish she could be a better person to H....that she was
always sorry for treating him the way she did.....her excuse was she couldn't get over the fact that him and I
slept together and that she knew he still loved me... ( even though, they fought before H even came home from NY)

I often wonder....WHY does SHE stay?? dragging her poor son across country and back...ripping him from his friends
and family....even allowing him to call my H dad... What will this do to HIM?? That just shows I would NEVER
allow my D to be around OW. Period. I would fight tooth and nail to protect my child. End of discussion.

[Anjae]

DGU, yes, if it was only the relashiosnhip when it ends they would either go back to the spouse or stay on their own. They seldom stay on their own. Running back to the alienator is also kind of strange. They run back to the alienator but do not come back to the spouse?...

Syn, that of your husband’s other woman can not get over the fact that your husband sleeps with you and loves you is so out there. Common, she is the OW, you are the spouse… I always find absurd when an alienator complains about the wife or husband. They are the extra one, they do not have the right to complain. They accept the situation, so, no complaining, no b!tc#ing the spouse.

I can get lust and pure physical attraction. Or that a person may drunk too much and end up in a one night love affair. Those things happen. But this alienator think of being upset because their OM/OW still sleeps and loves the spouse I found totally childish. OK, I know, I’m always wanting things to make sense and be logical. 

Dragging children into these situations is insane. Just goes to prove my theory that there a lot of unbalanced people with low self esteem and disregard for others.

Investing energy, time and give and money in a married person is loony. Bring your children into it even more loony.

[crazyforhim]

Ok everyone...
This is quite ironic that in a matter of days my H broke up with the OW then got back together a day later and
then oddly enough (LOL) the divorce papers come out tonight. How ironic- guess the OW has something to do with this.
Don't know if I should fight the divorce or give H what he wants.
No lawyers are involved, says we can do this cause we agree on everything.

Any advice?
CFH

Yes and the relationships between OW and H do last long...can I ask everyone if they could post how long their H's relationships have lasted with OW's?
Mine is (from the dates H told me) 16 months with 1 break up and get back together

[limitless]

So, she pressured him to do it...and he did.

Wow.....Just like the script says.

There are plenty of LBS on this site that have been served D papers, are in the middle of D, or are already D.  It doesn't appear to be the end, by any means.

I will leave it to those who have gone through this step to advise you.  It wouldn't be a bad idea to get some legal advice.....whether or not you choose to hire an attorney.  It would be worth the $$ to get some advice.

I'm sorry that it is coming to this.  Remember, MLC gets worse before it gets better.

Hugs,

L

[crazyforhim]

I am assuming the pressure to talk about the D is because of the break up
and that must have been a condition of getting back together.
Not sure how D could not mean the end?

[Dontgiveup]

crazyforhim

"Not sure how D could not mean the end?"

Because the MLC process will continue regardless of marital status.  That does not mean you agree to divorce.  Your financial situation may determine what you need to do.  While you really can't stop him from getting a divorce, you do not have to agree to one.  Make him do all the work.

[limitless]

Crazy,
There are quite a few LBS on this site who are divorced...Some of these LBS have as much, if not more contact from their MLCer than LBS who are still married to their MLCer (I am including myself on this one).

Some MLCers need to have the divorce to believe that the marriage is over to move forward through the tunnel.

In this for the long haul - is divorced....yet she and her ex-H may be reconnecting.....you may want to read through her threads....

Below is her first thread.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/story-threads-2010/never-saw-it-coming/msg12222/#msg12222

L

[crazyforhim]

Guess that is what I meant.
D to me means the end of the relationship...not the MLC.

Makes sense but figured if I fight him on the divorce that won't help my stand.
We only talked a bit about it and have alot more to go- so I am assuming that it won't happen tomorrow.
But just wanted some advice

Thanks all,
CFH

[StillStanding]

I would suggest that divorce is a legal process that brings and end to a legal entity; the "partnership" formed by your and your spouse. No more, no less.

Anyone who gets divorced and has kids knows that the relationship doesn't end, it merely changes. The same goes for people who don't have kids; it's just not as obvious.

People can and do get remarried quite often.