[Anjae]

If HE brings it up, you can say "I need time to think about this...." that way, he can tell OW he "tried" and to back off for now....

I've done that during OW1 and it worked. Not divorce pappers, no court cases. But it stoped work since OW2 come along. As soon as their relashionship was public he went staright to the court and file for a fault divorce. Any ideia why such change between OW1 and OW2, LG?

Have you ever considered that, like a teenager, he secretly wants you to stop him somehow? ...What if he is secretly hoping you will not agree to a divorce?

I though I was the only one that has always thought that husband would want me to stop him somehow. And not just the divorce, all is crazy life style as well.

Of course, If I say I'll think about divorce, we will not come back, if I say no to divorce he will be monster, if I say yes but only if my finantial protection and assets are split I get moster and court. If I ask if we would like to be back and get spewimg monster and "Never, marrying you was the worst mistake of my life" said amid hysterical laughs and a mad tone of voice...So, wonder what the man really wants...

[crazyforhim]

Now I have been told by many that OW is not controlling at all. I guess manipulating is a form of control though, right?
And how do I really know that she is becoming "CRAZY" so to speak...??
Sometimes I wish I was a fly on their wall...no that would mean I am focused on them too much. I am learning...lol
My H absolutely hated when anyone would try and control him, whether it be me..his mom...anyone. So I find it so hard to believe he allows her to do the same. Just craziness- something he would never allow anyone to tell him what to do.
So is it possible that he would put up with this less because of that part of his personality or would MLC take over
CFH

[StillStanding]

Now I have been told by many that OW is not controlling at all. I guess manipulating is a form of control though, right?

It absolutely is a form of control.

[Foxberry]

Touché JA xxxx

Point taken 

Fox xx

[Mamma Bear]

  Annnej There was someone on here once that said their H said " Why didn't you try and stop me..."        Remember LG? Who was that?    LOL...  My Hs eyes always look like he can't stop himself and I  guess from everything I've read and heard they are compelled to abandon,run and start NEW LIFE!!!
   I'm glad I just read a bump on a different thread by HB where she describes how close to insanity the MLCer really is . It's in the thread called Laughing During MLC. There is a really great explanation she gives for their craziness!!!!!!  I'm printing it out and keeping it. Reminds me to stop asking WHY?   They are insane for now.

[angelgirl]

The OW in my situation wanted someone to help her "escape" her own loveless marriage. Or so she said. She wanted to replace her H. My H was going to "save" her. I was a lazy, good for nothing, user manipulator and I didn't deserve my H and I deserved to be abandoned. According to her. And when my H said he was going back home to us, she gave it to him with both barrels: I was lying, manipulating him, my 'changes" were superficial and temporary; that I was insecure and I needed a meal-ticket and that I was a horrible mother for taking him back and setting a poor example for my kids. For some reason (God?) my H resisted that.

Here's something: One of my "friends" is an OW. She hates the wife. Absolutely HATES her. Calls her "lucky" for having the H for as long as she did, and now she should get over it and get the divorce because SHE (as OW) needs to start saving money with her much older boyfriend H. Disgusting really. Frankly, i tell her so. As an OW, she is very pushy with H. The only difference is that I don't think that particular H is an MLCer. But she's an Alienator. Oddly enough, she is kind and compassionate in all other areas in her life. In this respect, she is absolutely selfish.

The OW in my personal MLC situation told me nicely in a letter that my H speaks highly of me, and that I should muster all of my strength to deal with the situation to come. In other words, "take a hike lady. I don't care if it hurts the kids and the family. I want your H, he's mine and get over it."

(Now that H is home, I fantasize about sending her Her own words back, but I won't lower myself.)

Toward the end of their relationship, she called my H a cheater, and 'weak" and accused him a lying about plans etc. There was no way a relationship like that was going to work. I often ask myself, why would you want a man like that? The OW in my situation was a psychology major. Didn't she see the trouble ahead. I'd love to ask her "WTH were you thinking???" but, i don't want to hear her voice, and I don't want her to think I care any more than just a morbid curiosity of psychotic behavior.

angelgirl

[Mamma Bear]

  Angelgirl, That was interesting, Thanks. I sometimes work with an OW. I didn't know it.  But we were talking one day and I had told her about BD etc 7.5 months ago. She says "Oh my boyfriend Fred is married. He said if his wife was nice to him he'd go home."        She didn't care either way if he stayed or left. So nonchalant.  Hmmmmmm!  I think  OW Bowser has impressed her trailer-park-like self by bagging my handsome H. Too bad he looks as HB puts it "On the edge of total insanity...."        and they are. Sad part ...I feel so much better knowing that.   It's a big nut to crack.

[Synicca]

Angel,


isn't it funny how the OW thinks they know everything about us?? My H's OW told me that I needed to pick myself up
by my bootstraps and get over my H...That he didn't love nor want me anymore.....LOL!!!

She also told me that I needed to get a job so that HE didn't have to support HIS D...

And at one point..( in the beginning) said that she wanted her and I to be friends HUH!!

[Anjae]

Mamma, went and read what HB wrote on other thtread. Quite interesting. Something tellsme that, one day, I'll be hearing that Why didn't you try and stop me..." 

Start new life, for sure. Husband had said that lots of times, start from zero, live a new life.

Just fear that some of them will became insane forever or will never be totally sane again. Maybe I'm just being silly with this worry...

angel, on the risk of saying the same over and aver and over, never get why OW/OM hates, dislikes or is upset with husband/wife. I know, they OW/OM, like the LMCer, also are not thinking straight. 

[LettingGo]

Oh, Lordy!! I don't know much about my husband's OW... other than he told me she says he "gives me too much power over her" huh?? I'm his wife, ya big dummy!! Also, that she NEVER wants him to EVER step foot in our house AGAIN!!!    Obviously she doesn't know we SLEEP TOGETHER if I WANT to, LOL!! What an idiot.... he lies to her more than he lies to me... I guess that's an improvement, hahaha!! The worm has turned, and eventually we will come full circle where he gives her "the speech" as he ONLY has eyes for me... we're getting very, very close!! 

AnneJ, the reason OW is upset with the wife is because SHE FEELS ENTITLED TO YOUR HUSBAND!!! It doesn't matter if he EVER even made false promises to her... she FEELS ENTITLED!! She is a selfish BIT**, plain and simple.

Often times, they appear to be "strong women" who "don't need a man" and that is attractive to SOME men.... my husband's Mother falls into this category, but she's really a wuss and wants a man fulltime, just can't get one because she's TOO INDEPENDENT, if you know what I mean... it's not a real independence... it's just a "I prefer my life with no surprises" mentality... well, my husband was attracted to his clone of a Mother (I suspect) in order to work some things out in MLC, but NOW, finds it a COMPLETE turnoff... especially when he notes what a BAD mother she is (thinks the same of his own) and how she "doesn't need a man" (therefore rendering him USELESS in a relationship other than as a paycheck...)........ anyway.. it's complicated and twisted.

OW are delusional and they think that just because they have 5 kids with 5 different baby daddies that don't support their kids and they work all the time as a single Mom, that ALL women should join the club... well, excuse me!! BUT, I am in the club of "married, had children together... building a life together..." .

RCR does address the difference between Men and Women when it comes to love and war.... women don't GIVE a damn that we're on the same team... as far as they are concerned, we are just COMPETITION..... so you'd better get TOUGH!!