[Synicca]

LMFAO Mamma!! See?? Thats what I mean by making my day with humor!!!

[Mamma Bear]

 Synn,    Glad to help....... That's why this makes me so crazy. I never did anything to bug my H except ask if he could " get off the couch and HELP!!!!!"
   He told me once "You liked me when we first met and I was hooked on vicodin."     
  Why don't you like me now? You shouldn't try and change me...find someone else
  That drug addiction is really a BEAR.  Put MLC on top of that and we are "Off to the Races."
 Also he forgot that the reason I was drawn to him was I wanted him to GET OFF THE OPIATES!!!!
  He seemed too smart and handsome to throw his life away over an addiction with so much help out there. 

[kikki]

LGO, thanks for posting that info - is pretty disturbing though!!

My H's OW also preyed on him for a long time and conveniently had the accommodation all sorted for him to run to.  All organised so that he didn't have to do any thinking ........

I'll never forget him coming back from the first 'business' trip with her.  He announced that she'd said 'how does your W handle you travelling with other women?'  He said that he is always clear with his boundaries, and they never get crossed! 
I remember at the time feeling a little uneasy.

At BD, he said that right from that first trip they had 'so much in common!'

Hearing of her early interests - was like reading an infatuated teenagers speel - I just love EVERYTHING that my boyfriend loves!!!'

Very interesting to read that that is all part of the lure .........  creepy
Glad I'm not a sociopath - imagine the hell of being them .......  karma bus on its way ........ doesn't anyone ever hope that one day it gets upgraded to a larger engine, so it can go faster!!!!

[Freddygone]

Homing in on a target like a heat seeking missile, adjusting trajectory to suit the characteristics of the target. So much research, adjustment, destruction, devastation.
All in the name of 'Love'.
What chameleons, charlatan's . Devious  treacherous, fraudsters. Intelligent, charismatic, charming, lying, immoral and sad. Attention seeking, egotistical but flawed individuals.

Who gives birth, adjusts the characters of these people within our society. We are all so vulnerable when you look at the statistics, these people are everywhere.
Some interactions end in crime, violence, death, not only the break up of a marriage.
 Are we lucky to be aware? Can we do anything? Our families are damaged and we see, here on this forum, people whose lives, maybe 30 years of building a family are taken away by these people.
This is not the MLC I am talking about, this is the Alienator.

The Alienator is the 'Pendulum' a person who seeks to take your power from you, so carefully described in Reality Transurfing ..The Space of Variations by Vadim Zeland . These are people you don't want to interact with as you give up your power to them. They seek only to take your power. In this book he explains how to deal with them.

If you don't give 110% to your relationship, these characters are simply waiting for you to slip.

[Foxberry]

Wow.....Freddygone...what a synopsis of clear thinking on OW/OM...

You have put into words what has been spinning around in my mind for a year now...feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, betrayal, incredulity, bewilderment and sorrow...... I only wish I could send your post through to my H and that he would read it and truly realise what a dreadful person he has entangled himself with....a true "black widow" and "bunny boiler"....who WILL let him down, betray HIM and continue to weave a web of deceit and lies around him, all in the name of "love"...I only hope eventually my H and all the lost H's and W's will realise what he/she has lost.....the people who really loved them

Thank you.....

Love and hugs
Foxy  xxxx

[Freddygone]

Thanks FB,
this too has been swirling in my mind too.
But the bitterness and poison eventually you can see in their faces. It eats them up inside, both the Alienator and the MLC.
They must be in torment, because it certainly knocks the hell out of me, and my girls.

At some point, when will that be? We may have to slowly, walk, away.

[honour]

If you don't give 110% to your relationship, these characters are simply waiting for you to slip.

In this sentence you are doing yourself an injustice. You can give 200% to your marriage but it will make no difference. Mid-Life depression + Alienator = crisis.

Even if you give 200% to your marriage a depressed Mid-Lifer will pull away from you because your "goodness" makes them feel inferior, unworthy and bad. They need to get away from you to stop feeling bad. That is the confused, back to front world of MLC.

honour

[Freddygone]

Hi Honor,
Maybe you are right, but I don't feel so good and the stress on the family puts a strain on my relationship with my daughters. There is no right way to deal with anything and at each turn I find my action or inaction criticised. Going Dark is seen as a negative. I had to be hard with my girls and tell them that there is a little role reversal needed here. The grown daughters need to understand that the parents may be behaving like children and that we don't have all the answers. We can't fix everything like we did when they were small.
It is very hard for them too, very hard and they hate the Alienator, but there has been attempts to force feed them. But as adults, they can see a psychopath or sociopath and instinctively pull away.

[LettingGo]

A strong LBS is the antidote to a predator.... they cannot stand in the light... as long as you are LIGHT, they cannot "win". They can do a lot of damage.... but if you are unwavering, eventually they will fall away. It's called "having heart"... and it's what makes a champion sometimes from the 90 pound weakling... or the runt of the litter. HEART.

[Freddygone]

Interesting LettingGo,
so what you are saying is that Going Dark allow the predator space to operate but if you reappear it rather upsets their plans.
I do find that when I do return home on occasion's when things need to be done, my wife disappears from the house before I arrive, but I have not seen this predator for 2 and a half years.
My tactic has been to refuse to speak with him or acknowledge him (which he finds upsetting) as Narcissists like to feel important and acknowledged. I explained a long time ago that he was a symptom of the problem, but was not so much the problem. Now however he prolongs the current limbo. Something has to change.
But maybe you are right. Maybe I should step into the space again and have a presence.
Certainly I am not afraid of him and I think he knows that.