I'm not yet able to imagine the idea of a returning affair free MCLer still in replay.
Was putting order on my emails and found a very, very long between I and husband, after OW1 was gone March 2008). It is a very good talk.
We do not really talk about OW1. And he says, something he had always said, that she was not the reason why he left. That he felt breathless, that he needed to cut ties, that he wanted nothing more to do with the past. But that, during the months he had spend with OW1, he had talked with a lot of people that had made him see things from another perspective and that it makes no sense to want everything from the past putted away.
He also says that OW1 was just bad timming and not the right way of solving things. That, after all those months, he is a different man, a better man, or so he likes to think.
Not sure what happened to him becoming a better man... I never saw much of that better man. The better man never gave me a pence and, since OW2,has being taking me to court...But maybe, after OW2 and all this mess, he will have learned something and can really be a better man.
He also says he had just followed is heart and will still follow his heart, and fight for a better life and to be happy. That he will only stop fighting for himself if he will phisycal or psychologically become unable to do so.
He talks a lot about feeling without air, soffucated, that the marriage was not doing him any good. He admits that, in the last times, it was also not doing me no good.
I'm really surprised with the talk. I talk about what I feel, he talks about what he has done. And he says he still believes a relshionship can be forever, without an affair, but that both people need to be side by side and look ahead (I thought we did that...).
He says living OW1 had nothing with not had getting his happiness. I tell him I don't want to know why it ended, he does not say.
I'm telling him that, after all that happened it is rare that people still talk to each other (well, that was before everything that is been going on since the gap between OW1 and OW2 and OW2).
He is not monster in that talk. And I must say I really would like to know what had he learned on those months with OW1 and why did he thought he was a better man.
Nowhere he says what he used to say, that he will never be back, nor that he hates me. He does, however, not remember a series of thing he have done while during OW1. He says, I really don't remember, do you wann go down that path? I reply, No, I don't. It was just to show you that even if you would had BD the way you wanted, I would suspect OW1 had not come along after you left.
I must also had I'm very sad for that couple in the talk (I and husband). They seem to still love each other but are not very sure what to do. Or better, she has an idea that it does not make much sense not trying to recover the relashionship, since they manage to still talk nicely after all that has happened.
But, of course, that was March 2008. A lot, and I mean a LOT, has happened since.
One thing is certain, we are both very different people, and if/when husband will be out of MLC he will not find right what he has done.
Problem? He had got OW2. He just follow is heart.. will fight for his happiness .And, of course, he is not on his right mind. Because, if he his, why had he treated me so bad in a phone talk we've had late March (yes, March always looks like the month when things happen...)? Why that insanity of normal, sad, super happy,. crying, monster "marrying you was the worst mistake of my life" and so on?
In the March 2008 talk he does not mention divorce nor that marrying me had been the worst mistake of his life. Only that thing of not having air, wanting a new life, need to cut the ties and that he knows that he have not done things the right way.
So, what do you people think, are we gonna have a repetition of that after OW1 talk? When OW2 si gone? When we will be divorced and MLC over? Years after we've been divorced? Will he be able, if/when the crisis is over, to understand what he went through and what a MLC is?...Opinions wanted!
PS: I've also found a talk from one month latter, April 2008, and husband is yelling at me because "for you the divorce is just a commercial transaction. You have not changed at all! I will never, ever, give you any monthy money. If you want 1000 €, fine, I will give them to you. But that's it..."...oh...well...
The Alienator??? Many questions.....
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