[Mitzpah]

I have this article printed out and I gave it to my parents, my father is a pastor.
Like you, I found it very relevant to those of us who are Christians...
My h. also was a professing Christian before all this happened, even on the parish board, when we were youngsters, he and I ran Sunday school for the little kids!
Nowadays, he wants nothing to do with church or God - it is so sad - that is why I stand in the gap for him.

My father said that the article was excellent and he saw paralels with his midlife transition 30 years ago - it was when he decided to become a pastor, so you see that some people turn the right way He is also an engineer and still works as one - he says he sees the signs of MLT in many people but that it doesn't always turn into a crises. He said that the article made him thankful that he got through this stage in life without a major mishap!

[covenantkeeper]

I have read this before, but I can't remember if it was an article or part of one of the many books I have read. Can you let us know who the author is?

I also did not view this as depressing or hopeless. I read it like a doctor would give someone an honest answer to a serious illness. Here are the facts, here are the side effects, here is the outcome of this illness if you make no changes, and here is a list of what can/will happen to your mind, body, and soul as you face this journey making changes along the way.

Just like a serious medical problem, we can get depressed along the way and bogged down by the physical and mental changes that occur. I'm sure we all know people who have had a positive attitude, regardless of their illness, seem to heal quicker. And vice versa, those people who complain constantly and their motto is pure doom and gloom.....they suffer more and many times do not make it.

MLC is a long journey. I appreciate this author's (and it's driving me crazy that I can't remember who it is! LOL!) accurate description of what goes on during MLC for the man or woman.....and of course, for the spouse and children whose lives have been turned upside down.

I think it's important......vital....that we understand what MLC has done to our spouses. Knowledge equals power. Also remember, our spouses are watching us at how we react.

What's that saying?.......you can tell what a person is really made up of by how they react during a crisis.

[Rollercoasterider]

CovenantKeeper,

You've read it because you started the original thread about this article! I googled it so I could add the source but found your thread--so I merged them--and a reference to where it used to be, but the page doesn't work.

[Covenant for Life]

RCR - I, Covenant for Life - started this thread with the original artilce - not Covenant Keeper.  Similar names, but two different standers.

[Mitzpah]

Ok, I checked my files  The author of the article is George Ohlschlager, J.D., LCSW - Senior Editor and Writer of Christian Counseling Today and othe leading AACC publications.

[Rollercoasterider]

RCR - I, Covenant for Life - started this thread with the original artilce - not Covenant Keeper.  Similar names, but two different standers.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
My Bad!

[covenantkeeper]

Thank goodness! I know I have no memory, but I thought I had lost it for sure!!!! 

[Mamma Bear]

  How could RCR and BAD be in the same sentence?

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

Moreover, living in that seductive lie of the caged life for too long begins to make old habits—and old temptations— look increasingly attractive. A man’s cost/benefit analytical abilities—which are otherwise well-honed and useful by this time in life—become distorted and untrustworthy. Over time the up-side of wrongdoing begins to shine and the negative consequences slowly disappear. The sins of one’s youth—which God may have rescued the man from when he was first saved—are re-introduced by the enemy in the mind as the swash-buckling temptations they may have once looked like.
 
When he becomes committed to it, he deliberately locks out all pleas of safe return, and locks in a dedicated effort to escape and enjoy it in every way possible. No matter how truthful—how soaked in Christ—your words of warning and pleas of return are, they are usually useless, falling on the deaf ears of a man lost in trying to recapture some utopian fantasy of his long lost youth. It is like you were speaking a foreign language to someone who has not the slightest comprehension of its meaning.

I read this and was like Yep, that's my H.  I'm always tempted to try and talk to him.  This reminds me it wouldn't work.

[TrustingMyHP]

This is a very interesting article, whether from a "Christian counseling" perspective or not. 

I remember when I first read it last fall I thought it was fascinating but this time around I found it even more convincing--and also deeply disturbing.

Perhaps as I've traveled further along, and am seeing just how intractable and lost my H is, the case the author is making becomes more real and, frankly, scary to me.

Of the six "common elements" that "make the storm so appealing" the author outlines, my H had or still has ALL SIX.   

What is depressing/disturbing to me is I think the author is right that the only way out of this is some sort of religious/spiritual "intervention."  I do pray for my H, and for OW, to "awaken" but I've recruited no prayer warriors to help me.  What can one person do against so much darkness?

The author's recommendation about "seeking help from the lost man" makes sense.  My H, however, is no longer in therapy (interestingly we had been in therapy, both individually and together, for six years(!) prior to BD.  Turns out H was lying to our therapist about OW and his relationship with her for a long time.)

So I don't see any help coming from the "lost man" at this point.

This article, for me, is quite depressing.  But I'm glad I read it and I do think it makes sense.

TMHP