[dadspearl]

Such a good reminder. Thank you.

[EmeraldCityToo]

Thank you for this post.  I am making sure I check back here frequently just to remind myself this is about H not my fault.  He is so textbook.  A little slow, as we have been at this for a while, but textbook none the less.  Thanks!

[Thunder]

I read this article for the first time and wow.
It hit my X on so many points.

Thanks for posting it.

[Searching4Answers]

This s a good thread for the newbies - actually is good thread for everyone. It helps me put things in perspective.

[Thunder]

Number 2...yes, yes and yes.  Mine is still VERY sensitive to what I say and takes it out of context. 
The yard looks nice?   So it didn't before?

Maybe it might be a good idea to....  I KNOW that!

I don't even give advice anymore unless he asks.  Let him figure out things for himself.   

[Searching4Answers]

I haven't read this in a quite a while - now that I am further along I see my MLCer checking off several of these

#11 MLCer's are Control Freaks

How does the Ml'er control their environment? Moving constantly, traveling more than usual, changing jobs, changing what they eat, changing how they dress, changing their overall appearance, what they drive, changing their friends, replacing their spouse, replacing their children, etc....

I never thought about the travelling as a control issue - I just took as running (escape). This is my MLCer right now!

[Albatross]

I have link on that thread in my signature long, long time, intention that newbees read it.

[hopingpraying]

WOW!!  Holy smoke!  My H is doing A LOT of these things. Some have been going on for a good 2 years or more. The crazy thing is, I saw some of these and asked him about them and said things to other people. I was told by others that it was "nothing" and by him that it was just work. The money stuff was all in my head. He did not make as much as I thought.  I have done the math a million times after checking the bank balance. We always should have had more left than we ever did.

Thanks for posting this!  It helped give me more insight.

[Hmmm]

Thanks for bumping this-I'd forgotten some of these signs. He has them all.

I asked him why he was always frowning the Summer before BD.

He said he was a grumpy person, always had been!!

Well there's no grumpiness in my house at the mo. No worrying about him thinking I didn't like his gifts, no missing out on day trips because he didn't fancy it.

Funnily enough, reading these makes me even more aware of my own anxiety and how his withdrawl triggered it. I just hope I've tackled it enough to not have affected my kids too much-they seem pretty laid back these days
Xx

[Searching4Answers]

The longer the MLC goes on the more I can see. Part of it is due to distance but part of it is being able to see the patterns. We tend to write off one or two incidents as a fluke or insignificant but the more it happens the more we see how significant it all is. I remember in the early days reading threads like this and not seeing the connection I suppose I was too close to see it.

I love rereading things - I always learn something new even though I have read it several times before. I can see my MLCer in the majority of that list It just confirms that he has a long, long way to go