[BonBon]

Thanks Tsunami.
I was able to check off every single box except for the jealousy one.
Wow. 

[Foxberry]

Woah fantastic!  I've made a copy of this to read and read and read again!!!!!! I need to inwardly digest it....makes me feel better about so many things that have happened to me.

Thank you for posting it!!

Love and hugs
Foxy xxxx

[ladybird]

Depression sign #1: MLC'ERS WILL OFTEN VIEW THEIR LBS AND THEMSELVES AS ONE PERSON

The reason behind the MLC'ers lack of boundaries comes because they do not view their LBS separate from themselves. They are so engulfed in negativity that they do not think clearly. As MLC'ers look to their loved ones to define and deliver their happiness, MLC'er eventually feel betrayed due to happiness being an internal thing not external. This "feeling" of betrayal may cause some of the anger we see in our MLC'ers.

Tsunami-This is awesome, Thank you for posting it!

Sign #1 resonates with me because this is what I am dealing with almost every time I see my H.  As the months roll by I am seeing more clearly that he feels more betrayed than I do.  He has told me that he does not trust me-because of money and my weight gain (I have since lost a lot of weight) Yet, I am not the one that lied to, cheated and abandoned him which are far more serious trust issues as we all know.

I am going to show this list to some friends because it is difficult to explain to people exactly what MLC is and how my H behaves.  This list was a total check list for my H-he has shown every single sign listed here!

[Chrysalis]

I totally agree.  Thank you Tsunami for posting this.  Just like everyone else, I can pretty much tick off everything listed!

[Dandy Lion]

Excellent ............. thanks

[BonBon]

For what its worth, my H actually told me this was the case for him....

Depression sign #1: MLC'ERS WILL OFTEN VIEW THEIR LBS AND THEMSELVES AS ONE PERSON

The reason behind the MLC'ers lack of boundaries comes because they do not view their LBS separate from themselves.

He often said that in regards to his unhappiness with himself, he could not separate me from him....and in regards to his unhappiness with everything overall, he could separate our marriage from all of that...whatever THAT was....everything in his life I guess.

[xyzcf]

Thanks for posting that..I especially love the statement that they most often return, I can never hear that too much.

It is good to see you are still with us. Hugs

[honour]

I especially love the statement that they most often return, I can never hear that too much.

But is it an accurate statement. I do not read of many cases of return. Yes, there are some but it doesn't seem like most return.

honour

[kaffe diem]

My two cents, MLCers are capable of relashionships years long ones, with OW/OM. If they are unable to handle stree they do a pretty good job handleing it for years and years and years. They manage to do it for longer that a sane person would.

Anne, I think you hit on a major point, here.

I believe that MLC theory maintains that a big reason for the crisis is because the MLCer (is stubborn) does everything humanly possible to avoid working through their personal issues.  Of course, that doesn't suggest that the issues are conscious...  but they won't discuss with anyone, even therapists, about whatever skeletons they might have in their closets...

So the just keep pushing down that stress...  and it eventually overwhelms them to the point where they really don't understand who they are, perhaps the onset of the fog, and then just start "acting out" in whatever ways their subconscious requires as they finally begin to spill out their internal issues from their minds...

[Heart to Heart]

Thank you Tsunami.  This one article summarizes so much of what I’ve learned about MLC during the past 18 months. How I wish we could explain this to our spouses!  I believe my husband’s “trigger” into MLC started when he had a stent put into his heart a few years back.  As a result of changing his meds at that time, he passed out one night and hit his head, so I’m not sure if he was passed out or knocked out!  In any case, I remember screaming “Wake up H, wake up”!  I feel like I want to scream the same thing to him now…”WAKE UP H, WAKE UP before it’s too late. You're losing your precious family”! 

Our son is getting married next month, and this horrible crisis is turning what should be one of the most joyous days in our family’s life into a day where we are all dreading to see him.  Such a tragedy.  He’s losing the best things that ever happened to him.

I don’t know what I’d do without this site.  It’s such a comfort to come here and walk down this crazy path we’ve been put on…so very much nicer than trying to navigate it alone and afraid.  Thank you all…thank you RCR.