[LisaLives]

I agree, often the WAS is still waiting for someone, for the reason to finally walk, so you will see in-fatuation, and we all project and monster, especially in stressul situations.  If you never get extreme anything, can you ever really know it's MLC.  I need for there to be a test, I expect to find it right next to the insulin strips or pregnancy tests, I keep checking, but as of this morning, no go... 

[kaffe diem]

hahaha LL:  no doubt...  I think it should be around the corner from the adult magazines, beside the PG tests and birth control...  nicely hidden from view...   

I wonder if it could be written something like this, regarding WAS (adding to the RCR quote):

"Walk-aways that are not MLCers understand the harm that is being caused by the marriage breakdown including to kids, left behind spouses, and extended families and also probably won’t display Monster, projection, and in-fatuation."

Oh, BTW:  Just found out that if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, does it still make a sound?  The answer is, yes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NB:  Edited the quote above...  didn't make sense after first post...

[Mamma Bear]

  If no one is around to SEE it or hear it?
  If my H falls down and no one is around to see it will he still have fallen?      Don't even try to figure that out I am getting like THEM

[kikki]

Yip Mamma - he will still have fallen/is going to fall 

[Mamma Bear]

  KiKi  Someone told me that Tom Petty song 'Free Falling' is about his MLC.

[Dontgiveup]

I am not much of one for playing devil's advocate.....I'm just an information guy.  There is a book available called the Walkaway Woman (or Wife, I can't remember which).

I very much agree with what RCR wrote.  From things I have read, a walkaway spouse is leaving from what they consider a bad marital situation.  They do not leave because of in-fatuation.  Walkaway spouses are not necessarily having an affair.

Projection and Monster are specific.  What makes them specific is they are nearly always directed toward the spouse.  They are usually behaviors that are not part of the MLCer pre-bomb drop.  Anger and stress are normal things, Monster and Projection are not.

[kaffe diem]

Projection and Monster are specific.  What makes them specific is they are nearly always directed toward the spouse.  They are usually behaviors that are not part of the MLCer pre-bomb drop.  Anger and stress are normal things, Monster and Projection are not.

That's some interesting stuff, DGU...  yes, I would certainly say that monster and projection do not occur pre-BD...  yes, the usual "loud" complaint and the "you didn't do this or that" stuff...  but not, by any means the anger and venom of monster and the "everything is your fault" suggestions...

As far as the in-fatuation stuff, true enough...  although I'd guess that does sort of go both ways with MLC...  the MLCer may not have an OP...  but...  it's also possible it's not for not trying...  just for what appears to be the fact that they don't seem to think anything's wrong with that...  because for all intents and purposes, they do not feel M...  (as my W would say)...  the WAS might have a love interest...  but it's quite likely or more often than not, an OP is not a reason to leave...  that there's not necessarily a STRONG EA and probably not an ongoing PA...  of course IDK, but certainly stands to reason, I would think...

I'd say that a WAS knows they are M and feels they are M, they just no longer want to be...  and as such, the rational of a (presumed) moral and sane individual would be that an A is not really an option...

Except in the cases of...  can a person say "traditional" infidelity...?  Where there could be a one time PA or a budding but as they say "unexpected" EA which the unfaithful spouse realizes was inappropriate...  and generally work to stop it, or at least express some regret and remorse if caught...  a WAS would probably do the same...  whereas someone in MLC...  well...  they don't think they did anything wrong AND it's all the LBS fault, anyhow...

[StillStanding]

When it comes to walkaway spouses, you will see either or both of the following:
1) They feel like the current relationship is unfulfilling or stagnant, and that their spouse is not responsive to their needs.
2) They have found an OP who meets the unfulfilled needs.

MLC has little to do with the health of the relationship and a lot to do with the mental and emotional state of the MLCer. Their complaints have less to do with the reality of the situation, but how they see it through the lens of the depression and the Shadow self they are struggling with. I would think bomb drops would be a lot more severe, because the LBS isn't as aware of their partner's feelings.

When my wife and I went through Retrouvaille, she described some of the exercises as sheer torture. These exercises were asking her to explore and discuss her feelings about the relationship. A non-MLCer would probably be able to describe her complaints about the relationship and what she wanted to see get better in the marriage. She couldn't even do that. (Of course, this could also be the case if the spouse is committing adultery, because all of their emotional energy is going towards developing that relationship.)

[kikki]

  KiKi  Someone told me that Tom Petty song 'Free Falling' is about his MLC.

Just googled the lyrics - I had no idea:


I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
I wanna free fall out into nothin'
Gonna leave this world for awhile

And I'm free, I'm free fallin'


Sounds about right, doesn't it!  Wonder if he 'left this world for awhile' or 'forever'? 

[MsZing]

After reading all the comments here I now no longer know if my H is MLC or just WAS

He did say the LYBNILWY and said he doesnt know what hes doing or why and that he just has to do it. Has said on other occassions how good I have been to him and he doesnt want to hurt me ( too late)

He also said he didn have an OW, but was interested in 2 women at clubs he frequents and woudnt have sex with them while he was with me. I think they are both EA as he seems to have discussed everything with the. Not the property tho. He said they hadnt discussed that yet, but he didnt want any as it was mine b4 we married.

I acted quickly on legal separation agreement to protect myself

He also got panicky when I mentioned D.  He started fumbling with words and saying he hasnt said anything about D and didnt think he wanted one. He stopped me talking about it.

Said he doesnt blame me for anything, but did mention things he was sick of

He was crying a lot as well during and after BD

He also said was something wrong in M for past 18mths, Thiught it was a rough patch but did nothing about it and didnt rasie it with me


so,,,WAS or MLC?