[crazyforhim]

well we talk all the time...we run a business together so it is mostly business but
he obviously felt comfortable enough to text me

"it was 3 years ago today I lost my dad".

[Anjae]

ok, since you're in good talking terms and he text you about the subject, just send a short, simple, caring reply.

or, if you don't feel like reply the text and you are gonna see him tomorrow because of business just say something nice and polite tomorrow.

[LifeGoesOn]

C, I sent a text or email, can't remember which, saying "Thinking of you today." You could add, It must be hard for you.     Validate his feelings. You know what they are.

[TrustingMyHP]

CfH,

I seem to remember you and your H do have contact so you could consider sending him a text along the lines of "thinking of you today on this anniversary."   Something very short but heartfelt.  That would be letting him know you remember but would be least construed as "pursuing."

My H's birthday was last week and, at my therapist's suggestion, I sent him a text saying "Happy B-Day!"  That was all.  He texted back within a few minutes with,  "Thanks so much, LBS!"  So I thought it was the appropriate thing to do. 

I would have felt bad completely ignoring him.  (This is his first birthday post BD.)  But then H and I do have minimal but cordial contact once or twice a month.

It is so difficult to know what's too much, not enough, or the wrong thing. 

MLC  s****!

TMHP

[Anjae]

C, I sent a text or email, can't remember which, saying "Thinking of you today." You could add, It must be hard for you.     Validate his feelings. You know what they are.

I would only use the "it must be hard for you" because that is the sequencial answer to his text. But if you're confortable with the "thinking of you today", use it as well.

[crazyforhim]

The thing is he said I am the only one that can relate cause I have lost a parent and
nobody else understands.


Exactly though- so hard to know what to say, how to act and don't want to be pursuing or too in his face.

Thanks- figured he needs to talk about it with "someone" who "understands" OW doesn't have a clue cause she
never even knew his dad...omg! this MLC is so hard to grasp...

[Rookie13]

I hear that Anne, My ex's OM may just be who she is looking for and him being a dumpster dive, I could totally see them spending the rest of their lives together as I don't think he has much to offer her either so they could be a perfect match.

Good thing is I really don't care anymore. The hurt is 100% over for me. People here will learn you can only go through the ringer so many times! Lol.

Actually, I have my mojo back for life! Life looks/feels good again, have 2 of my kids in good order and working on the other 2. I have somewhat of a life on my off weekends. D 19 goes to school in GA and S16 has his license now and usually is away all weekend at friends so every other weekend I have no "responsibilities"! Lol This weekend I am going to a halloween party at a friends house and that should be fun. 

But yeah, In my ex's sitch, 2 people who don't have much may "combine" to make ends meet. I am truly OK with that, I like me and to be honest, I am glad i am not her. I feel most off my work is done and she hasn't even started yet. It could get good for them or very ugly. Time will tell! Lol

[Rookie13]

in response to the hijacker! LOL, seriously, nothing wrong with talking to him as much as he wants about that type of Anniv.

I cannot see that as pursing, I see it as more of a friend he needs to lean on. He's probably in tough shape right now and lending your ear and sympathy is not pursuing. I'd let him talk, Just my opinion.

[Anjae]

think you're right, crazy, your husband needs to talk with someone that has been trhough the same. and since you talk to each other, go ahead and be that person.

Trusting, after my husband left, and during OW1 I used to tell him happy birthday, merry christmas, happy new year and we did talk a bit too each other. Since it all changed no more greetings. Strange thing, the change. From CB to vanisher.

Rookie, glad to know you have your mojo for life back and that things are good with the kids.

Not sure if a MLCer and an alienatior manage to spend the rest of their lifes together...but...who knows? 

Feel the same way, almost all of my work is done and my husband has not even started his. No ideia how good or bad that would be to husband and OW2 but to husband and I it is not good he had not yet done any work on  himself.

[crazyforhim]

Well...he just told me to have a good night so I think that's the end of the conversation.
I'm sure he can't text me all night- OW is there and needs ALL the attention...LOL!

Was going to text him "i'm here if you need to talk" but wasn't sure if that sounded too needy!
gosh i feel like i'm in hs as I have no idea what to say to my MLCer....

thanks for the advice Anne, TMHP, LGO and Rookie
Greatly appreciated

I felt like with his comments tonight (if I am reading between the lines) like he was trying to say that OW doesn't understand him as much as I do....now maybe that's reading too much into things but when H text me to say "People that haven't lost a parent really don't understand" I kind of get the feeling he is talking about OW