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Author Topic: Discussion Making Your Way On Your Terms

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Discussion Making Your Way On Your Terms
OP: October 19, 2011, 03:51:51 PM
I was kind of curious..

Who here is seeing their MLCer moving towards them or have your MLCer home now????



As for myself...I am seeing lots of movement for my MLCer's return, saying once he returns HOME from NY and staying with OW
while working he is going to end it....my H will be home Saturday!

It would be nice to know...that way it might be easier to get or give advice?? :)

((((hugs))))

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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#1: October 19, 2011, 03:57:04 PM
ermmmmm ,me  :)
or me in Portugal  8) he he xx
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Me 57
H 47
BD 1 March 09
BD 2 disc OW Aug 09
H moved out to his own place April 10
Moved home and gave up cave Nov11
H has been home almost 4 years and our relationship is now better than before MLC :)
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#2: October 19, 2011, 03:57:13 PM
I think there are incremental signs of progress on my wife's part.

She found out that her BFF, our next-door neighbor, is going to be moving soon, and it's really bothering her. (This would be the woman who lives across the street from ME, not her. My wife lives almost 45 minutes away.)
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Me: 45, Her: 40. Married 16 1/2 years, together(-ish) 20.
Status: BD 8/25/09, she moved out 8/28/10. No talk of D.

Every day is another chance to get it right.
http://www.vachss.com/mission/behavior.html

"Counting days won't buy us years" —Wings by HAERTS
"Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."  —Lily Tomlin
"When we commit to our lovers, we implicitly promise to forgive them. There is no other way we can live with someone for better or worse or until death do us part." —Dr. Frederic Luskin
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#3: October 19, 2011, 03:58:39 PM
Syn,

So glad to see something positive!

About a month ago, I seemed to get THE apology...

My husband commented that he cant stand thinking of me with someone else, that he wants to be married and apologized for everything that has gone on in the last several years...

he is now in therapy, and on an Ad...working through issues while living with his brother. All at his own doing.

Things seem better, and continue to be positive.

I dont know what to expect, but I did let him know, that it would take a lot of work from both of us, but if this is what we wanted that we could make it through it together...

Time and patience is the key...

keep posting!!

hugs,
L
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2 years since he left... divorce was filed a year ago, nothing going on right now. Seems like he and OW are done...will take some more time! Seems comfortable being around me and the girls. Relaxed without her, but does not want me...or anyone else...all that matters are his daughters...

Devoted wife and mother.
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#4: October 19, 2011, 04:07:34 PM
Congratulations Synicca. So very happy for you. Definitely a big step in the right direction.

RCR, HB and Stayed loved ones for sure. Others, please chime in. Definitely want to hear from those that have had vanishers. Are there any others with vanishers that have returned?
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#5: October 19, 2011, 04:15:19 PM
I agree.  It's nice to know where people are.  I was thinking we should have a running scoreboard to see all the movement.

Anyway, my H is not currently home, but I have had 2 major (as well as other minor) returns.  As I watch what is going on in people's situations it's hard to know which of these will "take" - which is really a final return.  I'd like to think all of them, but I'm not sure.  RCR's H left 8 times!

I'd like to think that these returns, even if they aren't for good, are practice returns like RCR talks about and help the situation in the long run - pave the way back.  I'd also like to believe that once a MLCer has shown a desire to return, it means he eventually will, even if it's not this time...

SiP, my H's last return was after I hadn't seen him for 5 months, with only 1 conversation in the last 4 of that.
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« Last Edit: October 19, 2011, 04:18:33 PM by loveisntweakness »
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#6: October 19, 2011, 04:21:07 PM
Thanks everyone...:) I am seeing lots of positive movement my way...yay!  lol


LIW, My H returned 5 times before he actually moved back home....even though the moving back home was more about
ME moving out at the time....but he never truly ever wanted me to leave...;)

I believe in my case...he secretly wanted me to stay so that he could "end it" with her easier...not that I think OW will give up, but
its a start anyway.
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#7: October 19, 2011, 04:45:41 PM
Oh LIW, my h lives on the West Coast and I am on the East Coast. I hope that we will be together sometime again. I pray for him daily and think of him many, many times a day. Even though there is a OW, do you think they think of us at least once in a while? He does call the children now and then to speak with them for a few minutes.

I know, I know, detach...
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#8: October 19, 2011, 04:49:33 PM
I believe they think of us all the time.
My H went on a weekend with OW1 (EA) to a concert and an amusement park like 600 miles away and came rushing back to stop the D because he couldn't stop thinking of me and how much I like amusement parks...
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Re: MLCer's that have returned or are showing signs of returning
#9: October 19, 2011, 05:05:38 PM
I don't get here often to report in, but I am very HAPPY to say that it will be ONE year this week since his return!  It's been a year of ups and downs, good and bad, lots of growth, and lots of love.  It's not always been easy, but it has always been worth it to work on making things better with the person you love and stood to spend your life with. 
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