[How many of your MLCers are on antidepressants/SSRI medication]

How many of your MLCers are on antidepressants/SSRI medication

Yes started after MLC

9 (20%)

Yes started before MLC

10 (22.2%)

Do not know

4 (8.9%)

No

22 (48.9%)

Total Members Voted: 45

[OldPilot]

How much of mlc is hormonal?

It is certainly a factor

I would be willing to ammend what I wrote to remove the word certainly.

It would now read:

"It is a factor."

But I could not say: It is NOT a factor.

I see the way I wrote it might be a little confusing.
I have a science background but I am NOT a scientist.  LOL!

I do agree with you that drugs might mask their journey.

[Mermaid]

OP... Do you mean it is ALWAYS a factor or CAN BE a factor?  I agree with the second statement.

I agree M&H. We have to be very careful with any certanties. In science/ social science EVERYTHING is open to revision.
I think it's so important to realise that MLC is not ONE thing with a single trajectory, but a set of behaviours with some similarities. In research, we have to be so careful about NOT fitting the facts (as we see them) to existing theories, but to be open to other interpretations. So, although it is comforting to apply a theory such as "it's hormones", and it CAN sometimes be relavant, it is not always.
Our brains and bodies work with chemicals/ hormones etc of all types; any changes in their balance can disrupt they way we function. (For example, food intolerances can lead to depression, irritability, etc.) Humans are also social animals, and we build our perceptions of ourselves and the world through social interactions (although their is a pre-social feeling "self" in the limbic brain). These perceptions also have an effect on the physical body, neurologically, and chemically. So there is an interaction between the sociocultural world and bodily reactions of all types.
Sometimes intervention is needed; psychiatrists know that they need to intervene with antidepressants before the brain learns to create depressed behaviours. HRT is sometimes important to avoid secondary effects of a sudden change in hormone levels. But drugs, as M&H has said, are not always the answer. Even when they are important, they are not the only factor for psychological problems... as we all know, because our attitudes count too!

[margolla]

IS he ever going to tell me that there is another woman or he will just carry on being wit her and me?

[OldPilot]

Sorry I am not an English major either.
I think I will just stick with what I wrote and let all of you interpret any way you want.
The books that I have read certainly seem to think  that it is a factor.

Margolla I sent you a PM and responded with the same message on your first post.
Look under "My messages" at the top to get my PM

[stillhere]

Here is my take on H, low testosterone levels, and meds. 

I believe his MLC began in summer/fall 2007.  That fall his T levels were tested and found to be very low.  He began replacement therapy.  No emotional signs of MLC except his weight loss attempts, trying to recover his youthful appearance, etc.   Through mid 2008 his mood seemed normal.   We were dealing with an issue with one of our kids and he was a bit short tempered about that at times.  Feb/2008.  Big fight, he left for a night.  Came back, we "worked" on marriage.   Dec. 2008 he wants to see a MC.  We do for several months.  I thought things were improving.  Spring 2009 he stops replacement therapy as it was becoming too expensive.  He "decides" by summer 2009 marriage is over.  Affair begins summer 2009.  BD1-May 2010, BD 2-June 2010.  Curiously enough a week or so before BD-1 he began replacement therapy again.  His T levels were again extremely low.  His Dr. has only mentioned it will help with weight loss.  He's never mentioned that the low T levels can be a cause of depression.  I wonder if the increasing levels of T is why I've not seen much spewing yet?  Time will tell.

He's never been on AD's, but he does occasionally use an anti-anxiety drug.  He did so in the last week.   The morning after he took one, we had one of our best, most intimate conversations in months.   Unfortunately I realized a few days later it was probably the anti-anxiety drug talking and not him. 

[Mermaid]

Anti anxiety drugs won't make much, if any, difference to what he says. They just control anxiety a bit.

[Love being on higher grounds]

Mermaid,

I couldnt agree more...anti anxiety drugs calm a person down...I have had to use them myself. If anything it helped me to think clearer...my mind was not in a million places while taking them. It was actually easier for me to speak about something that may have been upsetting or stressful...

L

[stillhere]

Lost1234 and Mermaid--thanks for the info.  I've not taken AD's or anti-anxiety meds myself so I have no way experience with how they might change thinking and words. 

[Lola]

This is my first post. My husband moved out in October when I found out about his EA w/a woman 10 years younger at his work. She had actuallly cut it off w/him just a few weeks (or a month) prior b/c she started having "real feelings" and didn't want to do anything physical b/c he is married. I guess I should be happy for that. UGH. I also wish he had ended, but oh well. He was in FULL on Replay at that time and couldn't stop. He also was hanging out w/a much younger crew of guys at work and travelled much of the summer. After I found out about the EA, he confessed to kissing 2 random girls in Vegas at Bachelor Parties this summer. Pretty brutal. So that was the bomb drop and he fled after all that. He was living w/one of the younger guys but now is living in a furnished apartment. We were communicating for awhile and he has all the classic MLC confusion. Going back and forth. Saying he doesn't want to be a husband then says he misses me and isn't sure what he wants. I told him this can't keep going on. It's been almost 4 months of this! He thinks I'll be his friend if we divorce. That's part of the fantasy land. I told him he has to stop emailing me and asking my thoughts on movies etc b/c I'm not going to be his friend. If he needs a separation of no talking to see if a divorce is what he really wants then HERE IT IS!! I told him I love him and don't define him by 2010 (all year in Replay) and I love him and don't want to give up, but at the same time I won't be his friend if he wants to divorce me.  We've been together 11 years next month. Very sad for me. Anyway, after he moved out and had the "freedom" he wanted suddenly he didn't desire to go out to bars and do that stuff. He said it was like a rebellion. He said at first he wasn't coming home b/c of guilt but now he can't come home and he doesn't know why. he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. Hates to keep me "waiting on him".  He's been seeing a shrink since beg. of December and started Zoloft 2 weeks ago. Does anyone know if an anti depressant will help my husband out of this fog. I literally can't believe this is happening! Also, I think he is in Depression/Withdrawl b/c I heard about him seeming blue at work and crying at work lunch. Is there hope he will come home soon??

[HeartsBlessing]

Does anyone know if an anti depressant will help my husband out of this fog.

No, the crisis must run its course because it is a PROCESS that must be completed...although the Anti depressants will help clear the fog, somewhat, it won't stop the process from running its course.

Coming home will be up to him; but some who come home aren't ready; and it's hard on a LBS to deal with a MLC'er who's clearly still in the tunnel.

If/when he comes home, it won't mean he's anywhere near to the end of the tunnel...and IF he's not ready, he will cut and run once again; it has been known to happen.

All you can do is work on yourself; making the necessary changes within you're supposed to make; letting go of your husband; and letting God do His work.

In other words, get your focus OFF him; and on you...you can do nothing for him; only help yourself.

Take care.