[rediscover]

Last year when my H left, a male co-worker said, "Maybe your husband is going through a mid-life crisis.  I don't know what happens to men, but when I hit 40 I had this undying urge to keep driving and never come back everytime I get in my car."  I asked, "Really, how long did this last?"  He said, "I still fight it.  I just turned 40 last year.  Instead of leaving I moved to the US (he's from another country) and switched jobs."  That was at the end of September 2010.
Recently, I'd say in the last 4 months, my co-worker has been exhibiting signs of MLC.  I can see them. 
In the last two weeks it's been crazy!  He mentioned openly to all of us that his wife hassels him if he has A beer after work.  He said she calls him an alcoholic.  He played the same song over and over for 1.5 hours the other day.  I finally chatted him online and asked if he was ok.  He said, "yea, thanks for asking.  glad someone noticed."  a group of us were talking about cars bc two people in our office had accidents back to back and both had to get new cars.  I mentioned that I was getting a new car too.  A few days later we were leaving the office and took the elevator down together, he told me he's often thought about buying the car I'm getting and driving across the country alone.  I said, "Oh, cool.  It would be hard to travel with two small children."  He said, "Oh, I don't want to bring them.  It would be me escaping from this life."

I picture this is my husband talking to OW in his office.  Obviously, this isn't everything my co-worker has said, but he is definitely in some kind of turmoil.  I can see if it weren't me and it were a "single" female on the prowl it would lead to something other than casual conversation.

Has anyone else noticed behavior in other men that relates to MLC?

[Anjae]

Well, lile said somewhere in another thread I have 3 men in MLC in my world. Husband, male cousin, male best friend. Husband and cousin one started when they were about to turn 37. Husband is know 41, almost 42, and cousin has just turned 40. Male best friend is been weird since fall 2009 (he was 44) and know showing more and more sighs of MLC.

Theirs crisis are different. Cousin has hit rock botton and back from the depths of depression. But he still is very irritable, agressive and is taking some major life changes, even if, in is case, they look like what we can call good ones. Getting married, having children. This after over a decade with the same girlfriend and not wanting to get married or children. And he spends a lot. But, at least, he is aware he was very depressed and can be more in touch with us. But it does not cross his mind he had/has a MLC.

Husband is still lost in la la la land, living with OW2, and around much younger party people.

Male best friend is very irritable. Mood swings. Also got back to some late adolescence/early adultood habits. His crisis seems to be milder than my cousin's one and much, much milder than my husband's one.

[Rookie13]

My 44 yr old cousin is also in MLC, He helped me soo much through my ordeal the past 3 yrs and is my best friend. He really never mentioned once during my rough time that he felt like leaving his family and preached to me what an a-hole my ex was for breaking up ours.

He BD his wife right after Thanksgiving last year and is living with his parents and shows all the classic signs of MLC. He has had a lot of pressure on himself the last 10 yrs or so trying to run an adoption agency and adopting 7 kids from really dysfunctional families. He is in total escape mode and swears it is her fault and I KNOW HER very well and she put up with a lot of BS from him.

I can really see my ex in him in the "blame department" and denial department. OUCH! We don't hang out much anymore as I think he knows I am sensitive to "breaking up" families.

A good friend of mine in work also left his wife and child for a girl "he always wanted to be with" his whole life. It lasted about 2 months!!!! This was 4 yrs ago and I asked him recently if he "missed his ex" and did he want to get back with her and he said no. He is currently pursuing an ex coworker of ours and she is/was a good friend of mine at work. I know she just wants to be friends with him but he is "Locked in on her" and has been trying for the last two years as she is also divorced.

There is also a female coworker who I know is in MLC. Dumped her hubby of 10 yrs, "hates" her job, boomerrangs back to hubby, had "eyes" for a younger coworker, lost 10-15 lbs. just down right miserable at times in work and she shouldn't be, and theres more.

It is pretty easy to pick them out now! Lol

[Tsunami]

Another hijack from another site, and a good explanation on how they feel.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=87887&page=1

Also, go to the bottom of my original post regarding their depression for further explanation on how the MLCér depression is torture.

[BonBon]

I have a friend who I believe is currently in MLC.  She had an affair and blames her husband for having it...and everything negative that has happened to her since.  She fails to understand why he might be insanely angry.  To be honest, I can't even talk to her about it.  Everything she says (and she is/was a great, wonderful friend to me) makes me sick.  I just don't have the stomach for it.

My cousin's husband left her last year.  He was about 55 at the time and suddenly decided to up and leave and move to a foreign country "for work".  Out of the blue, etc.  The whole thing was insane since there was less work there than here.  What convinces me its an MLC is the fact that he said "but we're still married".  So, he's a cake eater. 

My other cousin's husband left her many years ago. They were fighting pretty regularly so she suggested MC.  He refused but then finally went and on the first appointment said "I don't love you, I never have.  I don't want to be married, I never did.  I didn't want kids, I didn't want any of this".  Kaboom.  That was the end of that relationship.  He then had a much younger woman move in to his home and they would strut around buck naked in front of his children when they were visiting.  The new woman was a nightmare to the kids.  One child eventually attempted suicide over the whole thing...the other was also in a dark place so both were on meds and heavy amounts of counseling.  My cousin has never remarried...go figure...ha....

I never would have thought about that all these people might have been MLC until I entered the LBS community myself. 

[kikki]

The most obvious one for me was my boss (this is going back 20 years now).

He was OBSESSED with me.  Wandered around like a sick puppy - trying to engage me in conversation - trying to get me to 'help' him.

He had the most beautiful wife and four kids, and he was MISERABLE and so very confused. 

I had no interest in taking the bait - it was embarrassing as everyone in the office talked about how much he 'Loved' me.  I thought that was rubbish - obsessed more like it.  I knew it was wrong and weird and he was messed up.

I remember taking our wedding photos into work, and he asked if he could look at the album.  I found him at his desk some hours later - watery eyed, looking all gooey at me in the photos - as if he was imagining himself marrying me instead?

It took quite a few months, but he finally gave up on me, and found his affair down in another department (same age as me).  They moved away, had a baby - no idea how long they lasted with each other, but can't imagine they lasted too long, unless he got 'stuck'.

So I too understand how the MLCers behaviour draws an emotionally needy person in.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

I'm seeing it with guys at my job.  There's one in particular who makes me want to puke!
He takes EVERY opportunity to talk about how he has finally gotten free of his wife, how he's rid of her and takes out two different women on the weekends and blah blah blah...
And I don't mean just when the subject comes up, like someone is talking about families or marriage or divorce or anything like that, I mean you could be talking straight up work stuff and sure enough he will find a way to insert his newfound partying lifestyle into the conversation.  Before he "got rid" of his wife and was still with her, there would be times when he would make sure to mention how he was this great football player back in high school days.  When he started doing that, I thought Hmmm, that's interesting.  Now, his marriage is breaking up and I can't help but assess the situation: guy in his forties, he is looking to think only about the good old days and the parties to come... yep, it is an MLC.

[BonBon]

Oh W2H4E,
Do you just want to slap him silly?
EEK!

[StandandDeliver]

All pretty interesting, but not much hope in terms of returns or time frames - ie

This was 4 yrs ago and I asked him recently if he "missed his ex" and did he want to get back with her and he said no.

Of course, MLCers do not admit that they made bad choices to anyone, so his no may not be the absolute truth, and of course there must be some who just never exit MLC or really never do want their ex's back.

What I just do not get in my own situation is that H said that he hated the concept of marriage, but he jumped from our marital home into a cohabiting set-up that is basically marriage without the ceremony and paper...

I am the one that is actually having a break from marriage!!! They are so stupid...

[BonBon]

S&D,
"Stupid" is such a nice way to put it...lol!