Several months after my H moved out, an acquaintance of ours saw me at a baby shower and reached out to me, wanting to talk. This was a mutual friend, who's husband was/IS still good friends with my H. We met them as a couple though so they do not know us apart, until now. She told me that she knew exactly what I was going through and offered to give me some advise...if I wanted it. Let's just say that me and this woman were not really friends at that level and honestly, I normally tried to avoid her if possible because she is somewhat "rough" in character. But her compassion and concern for me in that moment prompted me to agree to meet her at a later date to see what she had to say. I'll provide a quick prelude to that meeting by adding that I knew that she and her husband had been through something (many years prior) because it had come up in conversations over the years that they celebrated two anniversaries and had taken a "sabbatical" from eachother at some point. Odd...but didn't think much about it until she approached me at this baby shower.
So we coordinate a meeting and she proceeds to tell me that she has the utmost respect for me and that just so I am aware, SHE had made sure that my H knew that he was not welcome in her home with OW. She then went on to say that she had met OW at an event and that she was LOW-class and definitely not the person for my H. (Let me remind you that this is coming from a woman who is considered to be pretty rough herself among our group of friends). I have to give her credit for being so respectful of me and the situation, regardless of her character! Let's just say that she has shown me more respect than others who I was much closer with. Don't get me wrong, NO ONE agrees with what my H is doing but FEW have stood up to him to tell him he's wrong. She told me that she would not knowingly allow a woman like that into her home because she knows how much it hurts and how disrespectful it is to be treated like that...wow! She then goes on to describe what happened in her own marriage, almost 20 years ago.
Her and her H had been married about five years and had a baby. They had some issues and suddenly her H comes home (when baby was around 2-2.5 years old) and was "not in love with her anymore" and says he's moving out. Well, she had become suspicious of a woman who was part of a couple that they hung out with often and accused him of messing around with her...which he denied, of course. He wanted to "be happy" and it had nothing to do with anyone else...that was supposedly it. Well, he takes all of their recently purchased furniture, with the exception of a futon and the baby's crib, and moves out. They divorce. Her fears were confirmed that he WAS messing around with this "friend" of theirs. It seems like he was pretty nasty to my friend too...even calling her on a few occasions when he had their son, to come and get the son because he had a date with OW! She would go and pick up the son and the son would cry for his father and they would both leave in tears. The son was just a toddler at the time. Eventually, her then XH, started telling her that he was going to marry this OW and she was indeed his soulmate! Apparently, though, at least for certain things, her XH was still including his now XW in events with HIS family...likely whenever their son was to come. She finally put her foot down though and told him no more...she was no longer a part of that family and it hurt too much to keep going to such events "pretending". Although his family knew they were divorced.
Not sure about all of the details of things, but eventually she started dating a great guy, but she always harbored the love for her H. Not sure if seeing her move-on triggered a reaction from XH, but she ended up with a pregnancy scare (and hadn't been with new guy in THAT way). So at some point XH had started being a clingy boomerang and something had happened between them to cause a pregnancy scare. Again, not sure of all of the details leading up to the final reconciliation, but two years after the divorce (or maybe after the separation)...they remarried. They were apart two years, she says. Let me add that if you met this woman, you would NEVER imagine that she would have put up with something like this. She appears to be the type who would go up to the OW's house and beat the door in and yank her hair out. But she told me that she always knew that OW was not right for her H and that it would never work out. She didn't know if they would end up together again, but she knew he would not end up with that woman. Another thing I'll add is that you would NEVER, EVER imagine this couple going through something like that. They appear to be SO in-love and so devoted to one another that it really is shocking knowing how they appear to be now. It is not fake either. She said that she got some good therapy when it all happend and really worked on GAL. She had been a stay at home mom and had to get a job and put her son in daycare. Her H barely gave her any $$, and she was scraping it together to buy milk too (like me).
There are a couple of odd details that I'll add to the story. At one point, my friend ended up at a party where OW's boss was seated at the table beside my friend. The boss was quite inebriated and proceeded to tell my friend that he couldn't believe that regardless of the spells OW tried to put on H...he couldn't stay away from/give up friend. She responded "what?". He proceeded to tell her that OW had been putting "hexes/spells/voodoo" on her H to make him stay with her and stay away from his wife. My friend just pretty much got up and left and was quite confused and disturbed by that. This encounter was closer to the end of their separation but they were not reconciled yet when it happened. The other detail that I'll add is that her H was not even close to being the age of a typical MLCer. They must have been between 25-28 when it happened. So that makes me question whether or not it was an MLC or just a crisis...but I know that sometimes what would be considered a MLC can happen at any time. She says that they actually look back on certain aspects or events that happened during their two-year separation and laugh about them now. She also says that H was VERY, VERY remorseful but claims to not even remember MANY of the horrible things that he said/did to her during that time. It's like he has partial amnesia she says. And some of the things he doesn't recall, are some of the moments when she was most hurt! Crazy. HE tells her that he cannot believe that he acted the way that he did and doesn't even know what "possessed" him because he can't even fathom doing/saying the things that he did during that time. They eventually had another child (but not immediately) and, like I stated, appear to be the picture of happiness and devotion. I'm not sure HOW devout they are, but they are Catholic. She said that she prayed a lot during that time. I know that they do go to church now, at least on occasion. Just wanting to add that in case anyone was wondering. Another odd point is that the, then boyfriend of her H's OW, eventually found out that his girlfriend was messing around with my friend's H and reached out to my friend but she didn't really respond to him. The crazy thing is that when her H finally did wake-up and realize that this woman was no good, somehow, he and her then x-boyfriend became GREAT friends and still talk/hang out whenever possible. OW left town and apparently was never heard from again!!! (and they all lived happily ever after)
Her recommendation to me was to GAL, detach and to be my H's friend. My problem is that my H wants NOTHING to do with me whatsoever so not sure how to be his friend. I don't know at what point SHE was able to cross over and become his friend because it seems that he treated her pretty bad. I still have so many questions for her and have considered reaching back out to her to clarify a few points. It's a little tricky though because she and I aren't really friends who hang out...and if my H found out we were getting together it would be VERY odd. I'm not sure if her H has tried to talk to my H about things but she made it sound like she was leaving that up to him and not going to pressure. We talked about the look in the Hs' eyes and how dead they appeared during all of this. She told me not to have any expectations, but that she saw MANY similarities in our situations and wanted to share with me that it IS possible. It gave me such hope in that moment.
So there is a reconciliation story from someone who I know personally. They had been married about five years prior to BD, were apart for two years and have been reconciled about 16 or so years. Trust me, they have had their share of hard-times since reconciliation too but have weathered things together and ok! I've only known them though for about 4+ years.
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