[OldPilot]

It kind of sums up how I feel, although I know that those in the MLC fog would not take any notice at all sadly.

Nice article and I do agree with you and article.
My MLC'er would have taken this and twisted it all up to suit her own needs.

The divorce reform organization here in the US that RCR and I support is

http://divorcereform.us/

[TrustingMyHP]

Musica,

Wow.  That's really strong.  I love it.

Especially the paragraph that begins with "Let's be very clear. . ."  I've never seen a "deconstruction" of the whole, "I love you but I can no longer live with your mother" c**p so well described.

I'm never tempted to send my MLCer stuff but this is so good it seriously tempts me.  Not that it would help, of course, but I'm still tempted!

Thanks for posting this.

TMHP

[Trustandlove]

I was contemplating sending it to the Marriage Foundation; I have no idea what I'd couch it as, though....  it's the kind of thing that would be great if they had a powerful voice. 

Regarding sending it to MLCers; they would probably read the first line (have you done everything possible....?), answer yes, and then say that it's OK to go.  So no, I won't be sending it to my MLCer....

[toughtimes]

This is powerful stuff Musica, thank you. I have copied and pasted it. I am beginning mediation with my H next Monday, maybe I can quote a little of this.

I was thinking in the car on the way home tonight that I want to say I have not given up on this marriage, on him, on me or on our family. I will always dream of reconciliation and hope that it may happen one day. I will not give up on the love and connection that we had, that led us to make two incredible children and to pledge to stay true to each other for the rest of our lives. Despite all the problems we have had bit individually and as a couple we DID get married, we DID have two children, we DID create 14 years of memories and togetherness.

I don't know if I will say any of this at mediation but I will study this article and try and think of it when I go in....that's if I don't sit there stunned to silence like a rabbit in head lights!

Thanks xxx

[Sands]

Has anyone visited this blog yet?

http://www.greatfamilyhome.com

Written by Elle Zober whose husband left her for a 22 yr old.

Good read, just thought I would share.

Disregard if I am behind the times.

Edit - Added link

[HurtSoul]

No not yet sorry

[Sands]

HurtSoul, I just now started to read it myself. Very funny how she tells her story.

I am enjoying it so far, I hope you do too.

[HurtSoul]

Too funny

[Sands]

I just had to post this and share. It's a good read so far.

My observation is this:  If someone steals my car.... they go to jail.
If you steal my husband .... nothing happens.  Except for a bunch of people believing that the wife a)was always a b*tch anyway, b) got fat and drinks too much malt liquor (a personal favorite) or c) wasn't his "soul mate" and now he's found it and should be entitled to it. 

Frankly.... I would rather have my car stolen.  Period.  (It's a Mazda 5, which I love, but the pain job is crap and it chips and scratches just by looking at it....) lol

Which brings me to my next thought...... there is much debate in our nation about Same Sex Marriage and whether or not "allowing" it degrades the state of the traditional male/female marriage.    I won't say which side the fence my opinions fall... but I will politely point out that two gay men in a committed relationship didn't have any impact on my marriage at all. 

I sometimes feel like we only "care" about the actual "insitution" of marriage, or the state of it - in a court room, where laws are made.

OUTSIDE of a courtroom - we quickly become totally uninterested in the "value" of the institution of marraige and instead become VERY concerned with the PEOPLE involved... right?  My husband leaves for a 22 year old and *many* people are quick to give him so-called 'valid' reasons for his behavior... (see above) - WITHOUT taking into account that the 22 year old *might not* be the smokin' hot co-ed they pictured in their minds.... AND without entertaining the idea that El Capitan *might not* have been his once younger, trimmer, full-head of hairer-self.  OR... that THE RIGHT THING to do was answer me the 8 billion times I asked... "is something wrong?  ..... can I help you....?  You seem distant - should I be worried.....?"  and say, 'Yes, I'm feeling ________ about our marriage and the quality of our relantionship and we should do __________ about it.".

Because... I was right - El Capitan *WAS* disant - because frankly it's hard to be close with a 22 year old sandwiched into your marriage....

Instead, I got, "No way.... there's nothing wrong, work's just hard and I'm tired.... I  love you.".  Famous last words.. lol

Now, I don't know what the answer is .... I'm not saying we should start sewing Scarlet letters on people (however I have a few on hand if that's what we all decide! lolol)  ... but it seems like it's easier to EXCUSE the emotional betrayal of an affair than it is to accept two chicks can be in love?  What's up with that.....?

Again... i'm really *not* trying to get polical - but... where's the TRUE protection for my marriage either under the actual law or the social law?  Gone are the days when the public shame would be SO GREAT that it would STOP people from doing it in the first place... so, really - there's nothing to stop people.  *MOST* states are 'no fault' divorce states ... so - having an affair hasn't really had ANY impact on El Capitan OR Yoga Girl.... they have gone on with their happy little life together ......

I think that THAT is the real reason alot of women "get crazy" - because they are left to deal with everything - house, kids, life, friends, money, medical insurance, cobras, retirement... blah blah blah..... while they watch their spouse trip the light fantastic with another woman.... let's be honest - that'll bring out the bat sh*t crazy in anyone..... right? lololol

[kikki]

Right!

Where is my like button?