[Ez]

I really feel your pain Thundarr and to be honest feel exactly the same about wishing and hoping for a Christmas Miracle.  I also know I have to prepare myself for having that hope shattered once again. 

Ez xx

[limitless]

EZ,

Re-read the article about MLC taking time...a whole lot of time.
It took me a while to accept that my H wasn't going to wake up any time soon.  Last Christmas....I struggled, I took it personally, I cried and felt sorry for myself.  It was a waste of precious time.  MLC takes time.  Replay, which is the longest stage - takes a whole lot of time.  In time, you will come to accept this. 

Thus...make your own Christmas miracle.  Focus on making it a good Christmas for you and your family.  Leave your MLCer to their crisis.  There is nothing you can do about it anyway.

And, here is my advice to myself.  DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY.  This a personal problem...a personal problem of your MLCer... who has made it your problem.  But, this is not due to anything you've done or caused.  Don't allow another person's crisis to ruin your holiday. 

Now, let's see if I can follow that advice.

Take care,

L

[kikki]

I think they want to be caught. And to have high drama. If they get high drama that means you are still engaging with them, you react to them.

I agree completely.  It's all about them being the rebellious teen.  The drama makes them feel something in their numbness. I don't buy into it at all either, now that I know the ropes.  Leave the OW to do that.

[BonBon]

I agree that doing something different is a great idea.  That can be something really fun from some changing up of the gift giving...or perhaps different meal traditions...whatever.
Another great idea is to volunteer on or around the holidays.  Animal shelters, nursing homes, hospitals and so on...giving something to those that are in bad shape and can't help themselves can make you feel really good...it's a win-win.

Bon

[Bewildered]

Hi well said Limitless and Kikki -

Got one for you all  Please YOUR views on a postcard

My MLCer H told my Daughter yesterday that he doesn't do Christmas any more ! Last weekend when  when she said meet you at home (his flat) he said I don't have a home!!

he is still manic if the kids touch his phone, laptop, rucksack

they are staying with him 3 months now and he has still never mentioned me once and if my name is mentioned he walks out of the room

this MLC life is so crazy isnt it - I am looking forward to Christmas this year so much got a fake tree (really nice)  H would only have real ones, eating anything but Turkey (only he liked Turkey) and am have painted the house bar upstairs and one room downstairs -  without asking him the list goes on
Take control of doing what you and your kids want he well he's happy being in lala land  so we should leave them to it xxB

[kikki]

Good grief Bewildered - just saw your BD was mid 2009!!  You're six months ahead of me.

Your H sounds still deep in the land of the replayer.  It's lala land alright.  Nothing to try to make any sense of at all.
Has he shown any moments of the fog clearing at all?

[Faith]

Last year at this time, my H was still a basement dweller.  On Thanksgiving morning, as we were getting ready to go to my parents' house, he announced that he would not be going and was going to his parents' house instead.  Such a nice thing to do to our daughters.  That day he also announced he wouldn't be having Christmas with us, but he stupidly didn't think that one through because we host Christmas day at our house.    At the last minute, he decided he'd be staying for Christmas after all, but he sat and paged through a magazine during gift opening, then hung out in the basement alone while we played games and chatted.

This year we're divorcing and everything will be separate.  My D17 has said a couple times that she's dreading Christmas.    Like most of you, I'm determined to make it the best it can be.  H gets them for Christmas Eve, but I get Thanksgiving and Christmas day.  Although his physical presence will be missing, he emotionally checked out long ago.  For better or worse though, the kids remember the good times and still feel the loss. 

Horrible, selfish MLCers.

[Mamma Bear]

 Hi everyone, I plan on making my house look like that scene in Elf when he stayed up all night making the store look like Santa's workshop. Beautiful. let them see how talented we are. let them see how we put the kids first after all it's Jesus' birthday.
  In their strange, dark world of masks and lies and trickery it's best, I feel, to carry on like a trooper. Then when they stop by and see all the JOY they can process that when they go back to the hell hole they call their lives. Peace
  Knowing it is only a blip on the screen. Our kids do notice and appreciate our strength And somewhere deep down so does the MLCer.  

[Bewildered]

Hi


Kiki

Oh yes much and many changes - he I think isn't in the fog of replay more of withdrawal but the pity party has been his mantra - he know me so well as when I first hear these silly things I get upset but these days I quickly remember its MLC behaviour .  He never says these things to anyone but our D wh he knows tells me but last ight she and I agreed that no more as this upsets her too - she thinks he wanted her to feel sorry for him and ask me to invite him for Xmas ...........

But that will not be happening

I saw him a while ago he looked like a dead man walking he did not see me ... it was very insightful because he when we meet is so bright and bubbly to get a glimpse of his real self was priceless.

IMO he is and has been in withdrawal for 8 - 10 months now  .. he want me to pull him out of his mess IMO and I will not do this - his mess his job to sort out and I guess we will see what he is really made of

No he is trying hard to but guess he cant yet get to the right place to work it out .... he has told me things that say he wants to but the actual actions seem too hard,  I think he and other MLCers when they get further on down the line near the end that the final fears are the hardest and facing them because I guess its too painful.

so his sad life goes on

B xx

[kikki]

B - as weird as this sounds, and I could only say this on this forum - but that's good then 

A far better place for him to be in withdrawal, than to still be in replay after all of this time.

hugs