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Author Topic: MLC Monster outgrowing your addiction..

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MLC Monster outgrowing your addiction..
OP: November 27, 2011, 08:30:29 AM
Thought many of you would find this intersting....


What are your thoughts???


http://gettinbetter.com/addiction.html
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#1: November 27, 2011, 08:53:42 AM
This article isn't just about drug addiction....it goes into details about ALL addictions...including codependency etc.

Since most of us are FIXERS...it dabbles on this issue as well...Must read!
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#2: November 27, 2011, 09:01:10 AM



Great article... thanks for sharing. My addiction is: remaining in my comfort zones.
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Me 35 ~ Pisces   
Him 37 ~ Gemini 
I was 13 ~ he was 15 ~ Together for 19 years. Doomed from the start?
We never married ~ no children ~ two cats ~ Bomb Drop ~ 6/22/09 ~ he left to be w/ the Op & Op's kid
Atomic Bomb Drop ~ 3/22/12 ~ found out they had a child in early February, 2012 ( 2 weeks before my BDay )

In 100 years, none of this will matter but time is still. (( hugs & prayers to all ))
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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#3: November 27, 2011, 09:29:39 AM
I think I am the same SGG!  Interesting article Syn - thank you.
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missybuddha

Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#4: November 27, 2011, 10:33:17 AM
Great, and I read the one on passive agression and describes totally my h's exit from out marriage and why it has been so painful . I had been practically begging him for honesty truth transparency and he couldn't give me that.

my h has an eating disorder, he overate medicating himself through overeating.

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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#5: November 27, 2011, 11:02:53 AM
Interesting article- I can totally see how addictive thinking and behavior would tie in with OCD, repetitive thought patterns, etc.  Thanks for sharing Syn!
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"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City.  For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great.  You have no power over me."
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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#6: November 27, 2011, 03:23:24 PM
Very good! :)
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2 years since he left... divorce was filed a year ago, nothing going on right now. Seems like he and OW are done...will take some more time! Seems comfortable being around me and the girls. Relaxed without her, but does not want me...or anyone else...all that matters are his daughters...

Devoted wife and mother.
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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#7: November 27, 2011, 04:34:30 PM
I LOVE this article.....

What I ALSO get from it is that WE can be a conduit.... a helpmate for our MLC spouses.... but most of us have our OWN childhood issues that manifest... I know I do, though I'm the SANE one, LOL!! I just feel that it's VERY clear from this article, that ACCEPTING the MLCer in all of their UGLINESS and FAILURE is paramount...

I am just now getting to a place where I ACCEPT my husband, even though he is basically unloveable a lot of the time. He DOES beat himself up..... now I see that running to OW helps him feel SAFE in it's familiarity..... and that HER drama and JUDGEMENT helps him avoid his OWN judgement.... he is a perfectionist and very judgemental of others....

I can only do what I do.... now that I am healing from my OWN issues, I am DIFFERENT in how I react to him...... I show him love because I LOVE him even when he enrages me..... it is possible that this TYPE of love and acceptance will overshadow the false feelings of love that come from uncertainty and scorn from OW.... I know I've felt and said terrible things to him.... but when he told me she called him an "old man" and a "loser" I felt she had made a significant mistake..... but I've said the same type of thing to him in rage and anger.... NOW, I see that he beats himself up far more than I ever could, and perhaps it is MERCY that he needs....

In the past he would say "I'm a pr**" or even worse things and I would say "Please don't say that about yourself..." the other day he said "I'm a sh*tty Father..." and instead of saying "please don't say that about yourself.." I just let it stand, thinking "oh well.... if the shoe fits..." but NOW, I'm a little torn.... maybe it IS an opportunity for me to tell him "stop beating yourself up and just make some changes..." Hmmmm. I'll have to think about this one....

At the end, I realize ONCE AGAIN.... this is ALL an opportunity for the MLCer to GROW UP... to abandon his CHILDHOOD ISSUES... got nothing to do with us, unless we try and FIX or CONTROL or SHAME......

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"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

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The softest of stuff in the world penetrates quickly the hardest insubstantial. It enters where no room is...

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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#8: November 27, 2011, 05:13:26 PM
I too love this article.  Thanks Shantilly.
Well - hit me over the head with something - but at 22mths post BD I just decided to send the link to the addiction article to my H.

I really felt it was the right thing to do.  Just said that I'd seen it a while ago (I have read it before), and thought it was well written.
Wasn't trying to control or fix him.  Was entirely up to him to decide what to do.
He could decide to push the delete button or choose to read it.  His choice.
I won't ask if he's read it or anything.  Will leave it entirely up to him. 

Just thought if people don't have a bit of a map on how to get out of the maze, then how long and how aimlessly could they wander around?
He managed to get me on the phone this morning and wanted to talk and talk and talk.  At one point mentioned that he drinks because he's unhappy!!  (Honestly people - this is not a man that drinks really - he has addictions alright, but they are work, work and work and the OW).  Anyway - it felt like such a pity party after his recent antics that I didn't say a thing.
It was later that I thought that this was appropriate now to send to him. 
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Re: outgrowing your addiction..
#9: November 27, 2011, 05:30:59 PM
well kikki...I have it in my right mind to show Honey as well...Its up to them to GET IT or not...cant hurt if you ask me..:)

Since honey is a recovering meth addict..and curent OW addict...seems rather fitting.
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

--
"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

"What if you woke up today with only the things you Thanked God for yesterday?"
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