[kikki]

Glad I'm not the only one who's occasionally prompted to do these things 
Although - I haven't in a very very long time - since around BD.

Will be interested to know how you get on, if you do.
I sent it about 6 hours ago, and have had a work email since.  So no monster spew about sending.  He MIGHT be receptive, not sure??

Hey sorry Syn, just realised I accidentally put Shantilly in the post above.  Hadn't had my morning coffee 

[Synicca]

LOL kikki....Its ok..

He could be receptive to things now...only you know for sure..I know that honey listens more to things I have to say and his memory isnt as shot to hell as it was...we can actually have a convo he remembers!!  hehehe

[LettingGo]

Hey, Kikki...... your husband opened the door to you sending it when he complained about being unhappy and drinking over it this morning.... no guarantee he will read it... and even if he does, doesn't mean he will "get" it or accept it yet... but it won't hurt. LEt it lie, ust like you said....

I talked to my husband about BPD this past weekend and MONSTER got angry and defensive..... he asked to see info, so I emailed it to him..... as far as I know, he has NOT read it... doesn't really WANT TO..... not ready. BUT, several months ago, I sent him an email compilation of MONTHS of his emails and texts to me declaring he was "on his way home with all his stuff and ready to commit and NEVER have to see OW again or go to Connecticut AGAIN IN LIFE!!!!!!!!"..... I only sent a compilation of about 10 of them... there were actually MORE, and they began in November of 2010....

Anyway... he NEVER READ the email.... but when I sent it to him AGAIN, the other day...... he emailed me (from OW's) and said "By the way... I read your email and I see your point... I"ve been leading you on for a very long time and I can see now that you can't wait for me to get back to my old self.... I don't blame you...." Now, I believe that most of his sentiment is sincere, with a little emotional blackmail thrown in and also some "fishing" to see if I will give him MORE TIME to "get back to his old self"...

But.... the point is..... they won't read it if they aren't ready..... fingers crossed for you!! Also, what will he be able to do with the info? It may be JUST enough info to get him to DOUBT the OW...... 

[LeaveThePastBehind]

I wish I could send this article to my H, too. I got so much out of it, personally! But I think it will be like... you know in video games, where you need to pass a certain amount of the game to get a new tool? Well, he would need to obtain the special glasses that would help him uncover the code, lol. Without them, the text will just look like a blank page.  

[kikki]

Oh nice analogy Star 

LG - you're so right.   'when the student is ready, the teacher will appear'.
The question of course is - will they ever be ready.

Scarily I was looking at the website and am wondering if my H actually has some problems with BPD himself.  I can't quite work out if this is me rewriting history, and is it just the usual differences between male and female, but he definitely has mother issues.  Fears abandonment, and has a fear of intimacy.  Claims he's NEVER felt empathy - is this possible?  Can people act for this long? I doubt it.  I actually think this is part of his SHADOW?? (I only knew this after 23yrs when MLC hit though).  If they manage to keep a relationship going then there is usually some sort of triangulation.  (affairs, addictions, work etc).  Hmmmm. 

The article I read was:  http://gettinbetter.com/casanova.html

I would say he's very much on the lower end of the scale, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to function in our relationship for all of this time.  I'm now confused??  Our relationship for the most part, was actually very easy and respectful. We always supported each other and complimented each other pretty well.

Maybe I'm suffering from that thing, that whenever you learn about some medical condition, you suddenly think you have it because you could tick all of the boxes.  Actually, I'm not that neurotic, but you'll know what I mean. 

[kikki]

That really is a brilliant website.  Just read the article on ADHD.  I'm wondering if that fits my H more (pre crisis).
Is there a therapist in the house?
It must be so hard diagnosing all of these things accurately - even for the experts.  Seems to be so many crossovers and double ups.

[MsZing]

I think they are talking about my H with the narcissistic and BPD! Not the cruelty bit but certainly the push pull and all bout him
I remember everytime I started ignoring him he wanted me more and he was always fighting agaisnt any care I showed and talking about his mother an how she was when he grew up( emotionally abusive in his eyes)

Other things run true as well, including telling me every day , several times, that he loved me,,,right up till BD!!

Reading the articles has been helpful in my trying to do a better job of diconnecting

[LettingGo]

Hey, all..... after reading the articles on BPD, I realized that not only does my husband have some of the traits, but so do I... or at least I USED to, LOL!! The MLC exacerbates those traits, and so does an affair... so it is POSSIBLE that the affair partner was ok prior to the affair and it MADE her crazy, according to RCR. MLC is a result of a lot of things that ALSO result in PBD... childhood trauma on top of hormone and aging issues.

I also have abandonment issues from childhood, so I recognize some of the relationship traits in myself... not so much anymore as I've learned not to pursue or control. The BPD does it to an extreme, so no competition there, hahaha!!

I wouldn't worry about the remark of "never having any empathy before in life"..... I think that is what he recognizes about himself NOW and it's like a huge Neon sign.... mine told me he didn't think he could EVER have an intimate relationship... that he had NEVER HAD ONE, which is true, and is also true of me.... we both have those intimacy issues... but mine are getting FIXED, LOL!!

The "MLC man" persona is temporary.... and I think it is the opportunity to ditch some of the BPD traits...... the OW, on the other hand..... she remains batsh** crazy!! That's why we call her a "bunny boiler".

[Synicca]

I think on some level we may ALL have BPD sorts....but the true ones stand out. The ones that have ZERO empathy

People with BPD do not KNOW they have  NO empathy, in fact they believe they do. SO Kikki, I wouldnt worry about your H, besides I read that someone being with a Borderline female tend to pick up on the traits for survival.

put that together with a manic MLCer and you have a tornado!! 2 people projecting all their woes! Yah, THAT sounds like a GREAT R!!!

Borderlines are master manipulators...right from the start they are working their BPD magic to reel our H's in.

getting out is the hard part.

[kikki]

Thank goodness for BPD experts    Thank you. I can't tell you how much sense that made, and how relieved I feel. 
Thinking about what you had to say LG and Syn, I am pretty certain that my H has a BPD mother  and was the kid who looked after her emotional needs.  (blah!).  While his were never acknowledged or allowed.  I could never understand why he despised her so much.  She always 'seemed' so loving and talked about how special he was.  I really didn't understand the dynamics, and - he definitely wouldn't have. It must be very confusing for kids. 
I would hazard a guess that the OW is him reliving this with his M.  Both the M and OW have very similar sounding childhood stories.

The empathy line really concerned me. Sure, in this state, there seems to be zero empathy, but I can't say that was the case before (unless he's in line to win an Oscar sometime soon).

'Borderlines are master manipulators ......... getting out is the hard part'.  and 'Bunny Boilers'.  This makes me feel physically sick.  I guess until they've healed that part of themselves that needs to be healed, this scary R will continue.
And yes, these other people remain batsh** crazy!!!