[OldPilot]

Nowhere on this board does it say that by standing you should ruin yourself financially, actually the advice we give is exactly the opposite.

You stand and PROTECT yourself and your assets.

[LisaLives]

Yes OP, and sometimes protecting yourself and your assets means divorce.  If your crazy MLCer is burning through money and lying to the IRS, as NB is facing, divorce is the ultimate protection, and sometimes the only protection you can have. 

I wanted to divorce while he was still madly in love with OW and would give me what I needed without fighting too hard and costing me to spend all our savings and risking my ability to send my kids to college.  I knew there was probably an optimal time, and I think I got it.  There is still a possibility of R, but while I wait for it, I know I am okay financially. 

Everyone should think about that, covenant keeper, or not.  God recognizes the law of the land--that was the whole "render unto caesar" thing.  A legal divorce not not break a covenant to God if it protects you and your kids--I believe that...   

[growing every day]

Yes OP, and sometimes protecting yourself and your assets means divorce.  If your crazy MLCer is burning through money and lying to the IRS, as NB is facing, divorce is the ultimate protection, and sometimes the only protection you can have. 

I wanted to divorce while he was still madly in love with OW and would give me what I needed without fighting too hard and costing me to spend all our savings and risking my ability to send my kids to college.  I knew there was probably an optimal time, and I think I got it.  There is still a possibility of R, but while I wait for it, I know I am okay financially. 

Everyone should think about that, covenant keeper, or not.  God recognizes the law of the land--that was the whole "render unto caesar" thing.  A legal divorce not not break a covenant to God if it protects you and your kids--I believe that...   

Yes Lisa, it is a sad reality that some of us have to face. I feel very fortunate that I have been put in that situation, however if an when the time comes, I have a plan in place.

It's funny ( in a strange way) but money was never an issue in our marriage. Even when I was a stay at home mom, the bills were always paid first, and we lived on what was left. We did without a lot during that time, but I would not give up being able to stay at home with my kids until they went to school for anything. And you know what, I thank my H for that. He worked very hard so that I was able to do that.

We definitely need to protect ourselves and our kids... if a piece of paper is needed to do that, than so be it!

[Dontgiveup]

Below is part of RCR's post from the thread titled "Heros Spouse" where RCR discusses the discussion of divorce.  I think it's beneficial to have it in this thread also.  It has some valuable insight because there are posters who decide they need to protect themselves financially, and there are other posters who feel the discussion may lean toward encouraging divorce.  Like RCR says toward the end of her post, I think it's a good thing to be careful and aware.   

"What seems to be the discomfort is not the divorce support but what some feel is divorce encouragement.

Now that makes sense. I’m not saying I have seen it—I don’t read the threads in detail and so you guys are more familiar. And what some of you may think of as support, others will interpret as encouragement.

I support you as you go through your journeys. Some of you will choose to get divorced and I support you in that decision—though I may not encourage it. But some of you will get divorced without choosing and we are here to support you as you go through that process. What we need to encourage is that you protect yourself. Sometimes choosing an inevitable divorce is something we may encourage. It does not mean we are encouraging divorce, but that we feel it is what you need to do—as a part of your Stand—to protect yourself and your children.

Some people see that as encouraging an immoral act. Some see it as supporting your Stand and your security in inevitable circumstances.

So I am just going to ask that we all be careful and aware. This is a site that is about preventing divorce—amidst going through the process of divorce. So of course there are going to be divorces! If it seems you are encouraging divorce, consider why and explain why so that readers may understand. Maybe the person to whom you are posting knows because you’ve gone over it before, but that person is not the only reader. What does it look like to someone else?"

[Rollercoasterider]

Thanks DGU,

I was just going to come in and put up a link to that post because it is really for both this thread and that one.

While re-reading this thread I started writing what I think will be my next post on the Blog on this topic--I think I'll take some of that excerpt; I've writen more already, but the way I said it yesterday may be better. I don't like Divorce, I don't like the word. But it is a reality.

[Dontgiveup]

RCR....I agree.  I don't like divorce and it can become a reality.  It became a reality for me.....and I deal with it by understanding that the MLC process will trump marital status.  I have coping skills.....it is my hope that the MLC process might further develop those in my MLCer.

I post very little about my divorce.  It was quick....final less than 6 months after bomb drop.....no attorneys.  Financial protection was not my top priority....it was to give the entire responsibility for the divorce to my MLCer.  I am not saying this as advice on how to handle it, it's simply how I chose to.  I am not on the forum because of my marital status......I am on the forum to understand MLC, the behaviors associated with it, and for support in accepting the MLC process.

From RCR
"Now, that being said, this is still not a divorce support group and it is not a place to come to learn about divorce. You can share amongst yourselves the protective sort of measures you need to take. Offer advice. But there are additional informational resources out there on the rest of the Internet and you can provide those links."

[sambriony]

I am one of the members here who is divorced.I followed the advice of RCR in the early days of this site and found myself in a space where divorce was inevitable.I am not proud to be divorced nor happy.If I chose to re write the book, I couldnt do more to have prevented it. My H is now marrying the OW who I have found recently is as awful as the stories have described. My H is like a puppet being played from the back.I cannot do anything.I did all I could when I was married to save our re;ationship but it wasnt to be.I believe divorce in our world is a piece of paper as in many ways is marriage.It as one has already mentioned the vows made before god and they are not as easily broken...Interestingly my ex H is chosing Rome with his new wife....what an insult to God and the vatican city.

I am not interested in anyone else.I love my girls and they are my priority. Divorce protected me and them both finacially and mentally.
I have been here before with my H and it is very likely I will never be here with anyone else....Divorce carrys pain and wounds for a very long time but sometimes it is just not avoidable. hugs to all and let us be judged on the learning we can bring to the forum on the many journey's rather than the piece of paper many of us never wanted sign.