[In this for ME]

I am confused lately as we are legally separated and lately he'sbeen emailing and I wonder..is this his way not to be the bad guy?
It's a safe bet this might be some but not all of what it's about.

"what does he think I am ...his wife?"

Boy you don't know how many times I've been clse to saying this. Maybe we ought to???

[HeartsBlessing]

Still Standing is right; your husband is trying to control you; and manipulate you to his own ends...to be amicable is to be totally agreeable;(it also means to be friendly; but I know that's not happening right now)that is what your husband is aiming for; as long as it benefits HIM.

He's fixing to find out how things REALLY are, Faith....set your boundaries firmly, and don't back down, no matter what happens; most of all, don't allow him to manipulate and control you into catering to him.

He really doesn't want to be "seen" as the 'bad guy' unfortunately his behavior shows you the opposite of the way he thinks he is....he's in total rebellion at this point; the child within him is seriously overriding and controlling HIM in ways that you never thought possible, but it's happening.

The down hill spiral for him started when you gained temporary custody of the house; and he had to move back out..things are slipping through his grasp faster than he ever anticipated; and he's grasping at straws, causing MORE damage than he would have if he'd just simply left things alone.

But it is not within a typical MLC'er to simply leave things alone; like someone who constantly picks at sores to make them bleed because they can't seem to stop themselves; the MLC'er tries to locate all of the weak spots they can find, and tries to keep the wounds open and raw, not to mention keep the whole drama aspect going all of the time.

Learn to ignore his emails, texts, going completely NC unless it's a true emergency; don't play into his hands and drama; you do NOT have to answer him unless you CHOOSE to.

I hope this helps; as long as he's acting out; he does NOT deserve ANY kind of attention, nor do you have to be "nice" to him although I would suggest being firm if I had to deal with him....even children will create as much drama as they are allowed to create until they are stopped in their tracks.

Food for thought.

[With Gods Help!]

faith your h is probably referring to this

Adj.   1.   amicable - characterized by friendship and good willamicable - characterized by friendship and good will
friendly - characteristic of or befitting a friend; "friendly advice"; "a friendly neighborhood"; "the only friendly person here"; "a friendly host and hostess"
lovable, loveable - having characteristics that attract love or affection; "a mischievous but lovable child"
peaceful, peaceable - not disturbed by strife or turmoil or war; "a peaceful nation"; "peaceful times"; "a far from peaceful Christmas"; "peaceful sleep"

He uses this to suit himself tell him to the look up the definition of FATHER/PARENT xxxxxxxxxxxx Ohhhhhh yes h and whilst your at it look up the definition of marriage and husband

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Mac49]

"As long as it benefits HIM." No truer words have been spoken.

MLC'r see only Self nothing or no one else matters.

Being "amicable" to an MLC'r is giving in to Monster's demand.

There's a reason they are called "Truth Darts"

Mac

[Stillpraying]

Faith,
During my marriage I was the one who ended up looking after all the admin stuff and school affairs etc.

So in one on the first mediation sessions we had I put into the parenting plan that H needed to organise his own correspondence from the school and find out things for himself as I was not going to tell him.  He's got everything sent separately to him now and it's been working well.  I really didn't need that extra burden.  We do share other things that happen which the other would not know about but he does still maintain he hasn't caused them any harm.  I stated to him they were having trouble sleep ing and his immediate response was "That's not my fault the're not sleeping".  Reeks of guilt if you ask me.  There's still no concern for them.  He's just angry the're not ready in the morning when he comes to collect them as the're so tired all the time.  Mind you, I'm not shirking my responsibility as their parent to get them to be on time but I did let H know they feel worse about things at night when they lie in bed and think about it all.
The 'Bounderies' series of books are a good resource.
Hugs,
SP

[JD]

Amicable in any other context means friendly and accommodating.  There is give and take and spirit of goodwill.

In MLC land, it's a total lie and complete B.S. IMNSHO.
They use your willingness to play fair against you, they manipulate, lie, and cannot be honest with you let alone themselves.

[Dontgiveup]

The link to RCR's article Blind to Destruction

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_depression_blind-to-destruction.html

[Faith]

Thank you everyone, it's good to know I'm not alone in my thinking.  When we have to be at the same place, H will often text before hand "I plan to be amicable, I hope you do too".  Um....I plan to completely avoid being near you.  But I know it feeds his self talk of being the "good one" while I am the difficult one.  He decided that years ago anyway and I can't control that.

Stillpraying, I am actually reading Boundaries right now and I agree it is a great resource!

HB, thanks for assuring me that it's fine to ignore his texts & emails.  He keeps accusing me of "not working together" - again when I don't behave how he wants.  I need to be firm and confident in my dealings with him.

In this for the long haul & Kikki, yes I've heard all of those.  It was a relief (and shocking) to find this board and learn that they really do all speak from the same script.  Word for word in most cases.  My D17 even told H that he would be accountable to God for his actions and he said he knew and would just have to accept that.     That was a rare moment though, every other time those comments are met with "it's not my fault and your mom will have to answer for what she has done".

With God's Help, I know exactly what mine would say if I told him to look up the definition of husband/father (maybe yours would say this too).  "I WAS the perfect husband for our entire marriage and got nothing in return.  YOU should have seen what a great husband you had.  Our marriage is over but I am still a GREAT father"  End of discussion.   

[Faith]

Thanks for the link Don'tGiveUp, it was good to read that again.

[Dontgiveup]

From Faith
"My D17 even told H that he would be accountable to God for his actions and he said he knew and would just have to accept that."

Soon after bomb drop when my wife was telling me about her decision to file for divorce, she told me something very similar to what your husband said.  She also told me she did not feel God, and that He was silent to her.  Within just a few weeks after bomb drop, my wife had made statements about each of the Four Enemies of the MLCer that Jim Conway describes.