[Mamma Bear]

  My H has been amicable actually. After he ran away and hid at ows for 6 weeks sent me a card saying sorry and Mama Bear pushed me away...this new woman wouldn't do that...He said he just wanted to clean up his mess and see his kids.
  I played it by ear after that and actually listened to the advice on here and I must say he's well behaved. I laugh when he knocks before he comes into our house. He still has keys and door is always open. I kinda act towards him like we're still married (no papers or talk of D) so that's it. I am LUCKY. I am grateful. If my H acted like NBs or Faiths I'd be on death row for homicide.
  After reading through all this great advice and postings I do agree with them about IT BEING CONTROL.  They want what they think they want when they want it.    Immature tantrum if he doesn't get it.
  I do think his ow or someone planted that word in his head. Maybe "Tell your bats**t crazy wife to act amicable"    MLCER gets a lightbulb over his head (big words)  "Yeah, I'm gonna tell her to act amicable! She should. She's wrong." Until his Ho Down OW comes up with another word for him to use that's it. LOL!   Hugs for you Faith. You've got you're hands full over there and you're doing all the right things as far as I can tell.

[NoRegrets]

Hahah...."Ho Down."


HAHAHAH!   

[Faith]

Yes, I do have to agree it's a miracle I'm not on death row.     Mama I think your theory about OW or whoever planting the amicable seed is spot on.  Once someone explained to H what it means and he translated (twisted) it to a definition more to his liking, he latched on for dear life.

Last night I was blessed to be the recipient of his amicableness (?) once again as I read the custody agreement he had his lawyer write up.  Included were several paragraphs about what I am not allowed to say around the kids.  I am not allowed to talk about financial agreements, I am not allowed to put him down or let anyone else put him down in the presence of my kids. I am not to "lobby" my kids about activities..or something...I have no idea what that one means.  I'm not to talk to them about the "parenting schedule" (whaaat?)  I am to notify H 2 days in advance of a routine doctor visit for the girls and he can attend if he wants  .  Yes, every teenage girls wants their dad at their physical.  He's never been to their doctor's office, I suppose now is a good time to start.  The document goes on & on, essentially saying "don't say anything bad about me" in 50 different ways and "I don't want you, but I darn well will still be controlling you".

Now we'll get to pay the lawyers a couple more thousand to make endless revisions of this ridiculous document.  Trust me...what I told you is 1/50 of the insanity included in it.  Maybe someone here could tell me if this sort of thing is standard?  And who actually enforces all this anyway?  Maybe the small print states I agree to have my home bugged.   

[kikki]

Oh Faith, that is ridiculously insane.  Can this be serious?

[NewBeginnings]

Hi Faith ~  Your H has truly lost his mind.  Talk about controlling, your H wins the prize.  No, I do not believe this is standard.  I have never heard of such agreement.   I think you and I have the two worst MLCers on the board.  Just my luck.   I won't resort
to killing him off although the thought has crossed my mind a couple of times, LOL.  Truthfully, I'm more worried about H's OW and her family coming after me.  They are that type of people if you know what I mean.  What did your Lawyer say about this document?   You sound good.  Stay strong!

HUGS
NB

[Faith]

Kiki & NB, yes he's serious.  He also made up a holiday schedule that gives him ALL the holidays except Memorial Day on the even years and I get them all the odd ones.  So he convinently gets them for every holiday this year.  How weird is that??  Why wouldn't he want to split them up like I get Thanksgiving & he gets Easter, etc.?  He also just can't grasp the fact that they are 17 1/2 and 14 and will pretty much do what they darn well please with regard to visitation anyway - as they have been since he moved out.

I sometimes wonder if his own lawyer thinks he's a nutjob.

I would love to hear from any divorced folks if all this "parent conduct" stuff is normal to have in custody paperwork. 

[kikki]

I sometimes wonder if his own lawyer thinks he's a nutjob.

Or, another thought - is the lawyer in the middle of a MLC himself/herself?

[In this for ME]

Kikki I agree with you!!! I think the lawyer is MLC also. That is the most bazaar bunch of crap I have ever read.

We had kids that were 18 at the time of the D and 15.

And it is correct-no matter WHAT the divorce states the kids at these ages DO NOT have to see their father. In NYS the age is 14 that they can decide for themselves I believe.

My ExH wanted to do 4 days with D18 at his house with her at mine for 3.

 D15 would only do two days with him.

After a while d18 didn't want to go up because he was always on the phone trying to figure out whether to keep or dump the exskank  Then when he dumped her he was on the phone with the authorities trying to get her arrested. Which he did suceed at.

 And then d15 wouldn't stay the night to make it two days.

 Holidays last year were a fiasco. The judge ordered no support either way.

So left to my own devices?? I let the kids do whatever they wanted.

[Mamma Bear]

  Faith When my h was getting divorced from his first wife( a chambermaid from Poland who he got pregnant at his motel) Their son was 7. H was using those vicodin pain killers. he was abusing vicodin. Her lawyer was the Asst DA in our county . The papers said "H couldn't drink alcohol around his son. H couldn't take over the counter drugs H couldn't smoke around him. H couldn't have son around mama bear . H couldn't whatever they thought up"  And she had been cheating on him and left him   It was insane. Didn't help that I got a dwi a few years later. Anyway my point being the judge yelled at them LOL He said "This kid is gonna grow up and get married and have a life. STOP THIS NONSENSE."   We always laughed about the no otc products. WTF?

  Hopefully your judge might be a smart one. It backfired on them big time.

[Faith]

Well, I do feel better knowing I'm not the only one who finds this whole thing completely crazy.  One of my favorite lines in the document is this  "The parties agree to advise the children about the importance of not speaking negatively about either parent around the children".  I've read that at least 10 times now & still can't figure out what the heck it means.   

Mamma, we do have a good judge.  Since our temporary support hearing a whole 2 months ago, H has tried twice to get his support amount lowered for this or that, and both times the judge basically said "you didn't bring that up at the hearing so too bad so sad".  I have actually wondered if H's lawyer is also an OW by the way they consipire for evil so well together.  Either that or she's just enjoying sucking him dry financially by encouraging his antics.  She's very unprofessional and nasty, but it did backfire at our first hearing for sure!  Maybe she is in MLC - hadn't thought of that!  That is very funny that your H wouldn't have been allowed to take a Tylenol or a Tums!