[Anjae]

I did. It doesn't. I wonder why?...  But it includes things with cute names, like PNMT Phenylethanolamine N- methyl transferase, OVLT Vascular organ of the lamina terminalis or GM-CSF Granulocyte-macrophage colony stimulating factor. Now, all it takes is an English dictionary and it will be a easy, smooth read.   

[Trustandlove]

Hi, all,

I put this as a separate topic, because it isn't an "MLC resource" book -- at first I actually thought it was a novel!

It's called "We'll always have Paris", by Emma Beddington -- an English woman now living in Brussels.  I does say "memoir" on the front cover, but it had the look of light, chick-lit reading, which is why I got it. 

She is only in her 40's, I think, perhaps only just 40, so it's on the early side, but she describes absolutely going through what can only be described as a crisis.  She refers to it as "not having lived"; but yes, she left her family, didn't even think about the hurt she was causing, all that.

It has a happy ending; she writes that she is amazed that she got a second chance...

The MLC part isn't the focus of the book, it came near the end, and I'm sure she glosses over loads of stuff, but she does talk about being in some kind of fog, and how even though she thought she was doing everything she wanted, being the person she was "supposed" to be, it turned out not to be a good reality 

What most of the book describes is the long, slow process of going into the crisis.  And while you are reading that it gives no hint that the crisis is looming, whcih made the crisis part come as a shock. 

She doesn't state outright how long she was away; from what she writes it was probably only around 2 years, I'm sure you could work it out if thought more about it when reading the book.  And she also says that even when she came back it was hard for quite a long time. 

She doesn't go into how her husband behaved, she only once says that when she would say how hard things were for her (while she was gone) he would say something non-commital, and she says that they did talk during that time, but again, it's hard to know what she means, because she definitely writes about being very selfish. 

It was only at the crisis part that I looked again and saw that the book had "non-fiction" on it, that made me go back and read some bits more closely.   It was candidly written and gives good insight -- also about the fact that she says that still talking about feelings is hard. 

She has a blog, which also has info about the book:

http://www.belgianwaffling.com/

Thought it was worth posting about. 

[Reallytrying]

Interesting. I'll add it to my reading list. Thanks!

[Trustandlove]

I went back and re-read some -- she does say that she just ignored how grey and hurt her H was, she was so convinced that this was right that no matter how much her kids cried she just went and did it. 

She says later that she during all this, even though they talked, she never really "saw" him. 

She says she never felt competent as a parent, while her H was a great father and secure in his capabilities. 

I have a feeling that she treated him much worse than she makes out to have done in the book; she is after all writing what is meant to be a funny memoir rather than an account of her MLC, but a lot comes through.

She does say that she saw how his life had become richer without her, that he was happy, which must have made a difference.  They did have grandparents nearby who helped a lot with her kids, so he had that backup, which must have made a difference.

She also said that she never went to tell him that she loved him, that she wanted to come back; indeed, she didn't think that was even a possibility.  She just started blurting things out to him, and he was receptive.

She did get involved with others during this time, she doesn't say if he did, it doesn't sound like it but who knows.

She also, tellingly, says that she realised the problem was her and her own ability to communicate, rather than any external source (she blamed French, and her French husband, for that before). 

The whole book really was her search for identity, which of course is the crux of any MLC. 

[scooter]

thanks for sharing I love any insight into why and how.

[Trustandlove]

I keep re-reading more bits...

She also says that she thought that when she decided to go that it would all suddenly be easy and wonderful, and of course found that it wasn't at all like that.  But she kept at it for a long time, which we of course know is typical.

I tried again to figure out how long she was away; it may have been up to 5 years, or perhaps it was 5 years from when she started saying she wanted to go or perhaps it was 5 years from when her mother died, which was a huge thing in this; I was trying to work it out from her kids' ages, but she may well be being deliberately vague on that. 

[Anjae]

The book sounds interesting.

I've merged your thread with the books thread, because, as its title says, it is not just for MLC books.

[Reallytrying]

Trustandlove - I went to download this one but it's not available on Amazon. I'll have to find it. It sounds pretty interesting.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I did. It doesn't. I wonder why?...  But it includes things with cute names, like PNMT Phenylethanolamine N- methyl transferase, OVLT Vascular organ of the lamina terminalis or GM-CSF Granulocyte-macrophage colony stimulating factor. Now, all it takes is an English dictionary and it will be a easy, smooth read.   

Anjae, stop talking like that. It makes me feel all tingly. 

[Trustandlove]

I just looked and it is available on the UK Amazon site, not sure where you are, RT. 

I actually got it at the library, just by chance, just looking for a light read....  I'm now finding myself going over and over it.

It has all the hallmarks -- the seeds sowed in teenage years (wanting to be French), then the tragedy -- mother dying suddenly.  Then what actually must have been years of trying to make reality fit dreams.  Then the decision that the partner and family had to go, that that was what was holding her back. 

And so on...

I guess what really resonated was the bit about her feeling that she couldn't be who she wanted to be, or even felt "destined" to be, while remaining with her family.  My H said that at BD, that he couldn't be who he wanted to be if he stayed with me.   

I'm sure many have heard that one in some version or another. 

And yes, her actions were deliberate, but it also goes to show her pain.  It's well written, not moan-y. 

If a moderator reads this -- is it possible to put the book thread, or perhaps just a list of books mentioned with a link to this one, on the stickied topics at the top?  That way there could be a list of titles, and people could go on the link to see what was said about the books.  Would that make sense?