[Synicca]

I know sex with the MLCer and sex outside have been discussed all over the place here....but what I want to know, is has/did your MLCer say they no longer were attracted to you sexually??

If so...How did they phrase it?

My H says he isnt attracted to me sexually....now on many levels I believe its because he is detached from ALL emotions and feelings for me that sex with me isnt on the top of his list...even though we have had sex MANY times since BD and without issues...he believes because he had "issues" keeping it up the last 2 times WE tried...he thinks its because he isnt attracted to me anymore...I know differently...but it still bugs me none the less.

so some insight into this would be good, I think.

(hugs)

[Sassyone]

Yes, my H told me that on and off for almost three years.  (Before I knew that he was in MLC).  Yes we have had sex since then and did for all but three months this year.  He told me outright.  First time it was about weight, then I lost it.  Then its we are like roommates, sister/brother, etc. 

Its all a part of the script.  It is there way of projecting on us.  It still bugs me and we are trying to reconnect.  When they spew their vile lies, they stamp us with negativity and try as we might, we tend to take ownership and believe some of their crap.

It's crap, it's not about you, it's all about them.  That's my story and I am sticking to it.  (((HUGS))))

Sassy

[BonBon]

Oops...have to modify...

Oh yes indeed he did...and I will NEVER forget it.  Actually, he said it three, four, five...can't even remember how many times even though I shouldn't forget what it was like getting kicked in the stomach...so to speak!

Um, let me think.  First time was the day after I discovered his EA...which I condsider a two day long bomb drop because I discovered the EA, then the next day, after pummeling him with questions, received my bomb drop.  Here's what I remember...there were more times I'm sure though...

So, one of those questions post BD was:  "Are you sexually attracted to me?"
Answer "No, I was not sexually attracted to you when you were overweight".

Me:  "But I'm not overweight now.  So are you sexually attracted to me now?"
He:  "No".
Me:  "Why?"
He:  "I don't know.  I'm just not".
Me:   Ok, so before the weight was the problem.  I'm thin now.  Your EA OW is way overweight...more than i ever was.  Are you attracted to her?"
He:   As a friend, yes.
Me:   No, that's not what I meant.  Are you attracted to her or not?
He:   As a friend, yes.

End of convo which leaves Bon completely befuddled.


Aprox. one year later....

Me:  "Are you at all sexually attracted to me now"
He:   "No"
Me:  "So, you think I'm unattractive?"
He:   "No.  I think you are attractive.  But I'm not sexually attracted to you".
Me:   "Why?  I thought men were attracted to anything that walks.  If you don't think I'm hideous,
         why would you not be attracted to me? I am your wife after all"
He:   "I don't know.  I'm just not."

A few months later....

Me:  "So, can we talk about this SA thing?"
He:  "What."
Me:  "Were you ever attracted to me?"
He:   "Yes"
Me:  "Did that wane when we got married?  Do you think of me as a wife...but not a sexual   person?"
He:   "I think so.  Probably, yes."
Me:   "Honey, you have a virgin/ow issue.
He:   "NO I DON'T"
Me:   "Yeah, you do"
He:   "I don't know.  Maybe"

A few months later while in a huge fight....

Me:  "So what about this sexual attraction thing...Are you finding me sexually attractive again?"
He:   "Absolutely NOT.  Not at all.  NO."

That was probably about August, September of 2010...

Now, he says he is...do I believe it?  No...I don't really think so...I think he's still too mixed up to make that leap.  It's better than it was though.

Hope that helps Syn....

[In this for ME]

Mine never told me he wasn't sexually attracted to me. I think he was thinking I wasn't sexually attracted to him.........

[Mamma Bear]

 Mine looks at my butt like' what a waste..too bad..what might've been'    Still haven't told him about the cute DEA Agent who comes sniffing around with NO WEDDING RING.    I could see how that might 'rattle his cage' a bit! The guy looks like Benjamin Bratt

[WarriorPriestess]

Benjamin Bratt?  Um...hello and YES!!! 

[Mamma Bear]

 I know WP and I still only have eyes for Mr.Sabotage Sam....go figure He must've been a GREAT H all those years for me to be figuring this out like a Rubicks Cube.

[WarriorPriestess]

Yeah MB, I was just thinking he has NO idea of how lucky he is! 

[wondering]

Mine said from BD that he didn't feel that way about me anymore, even though he stated that I was very attractive. It never stopped our sexual life which at times even increased and was good. But he would actually act like he was surprised afterwards like where did that come from. after we would ML.  Interestingly xOW was much less attractive and masqueline, zero sex appeal but we all hear it's not about the sex with them. Now through reconnection, he doesn't say anything about not being attracted to me but also doesn't say that he is. Sex has been less often, not sure because of him feeling guilt, confused, depression...I don't know. I don't pursue..unless I've had a few drinks and he's always been receptive.

[Rollercoasterider]

The I Love You But I'm Not In-Love With You phrase can take several forms. I never got ILYBINILWY, I got forms of him not being attracted. It was probably a year or two before I realized it was the same thing with different words. Especially since I lost my weight before he even moved out and he couldn't stop staring...and when we went to the gym and other guys stared he was like a peacock.