I wanted to chime in here, not in defense of men necessarily but to clarify a few things. First off, porn is a problem for only a small percentage of those who use it. Most men are able to keep the fantasy women separate from the real and never compare the W to the fantasy women. Porn can also be used to enhance a couples sex life if used to spice it up or to get ideas from. Some women accept it and some women absolutely do not, but a respectful H will take his W's comfort level into consideration and not do things that make her uncomfortable. It all depends on the couple. When porn replaces intimacy or causes a problem with it, there is almost always a likely larger underlying problem (MLC, maybe?). Porn is addictive to those that are susceptible to addictions, but blaming porn is like blaming the gun used to commit a murder.
This was all taught to me by one of the most respected sex therapists in the state (I had him for a class in case anyone was wondering). I can attest to having used porn to spice up our sex lives and it does work. I hate to say it, but the therapist mentioned in the earlier post needs to do a little more research and stop inserting her personal bias. Just my opinion.
This is one aspect no one sways ME on. In fact it's a very sickening aspect; it's one of the few aspects I speak out strongly AGAINST, and I dealt with it during his MLC.
It can be a major aspect during MLC; and until the MLC'er learns to go for the REAL,(their spouse) rather than the FAKE;(the porn) they will continue to live in a fantasy world, while their lives fall apart around them.
It's WRONG, period. You cannot do wrong, and get by; it simply isn't possible!
I strongly disagree with what I see as justification for wrong behavior, Thundarr and my view is Biblical; if you look upon a woman(whether it be porn or otherwise) with lust, you've already committed adultery in your own heart. And don't tell me the images do not evoke LUST; I wasn't born yesterday nor in a barn.
Pornography is something that will breakdown, and cause a literal train wreck within a person's mind; the devil gets a foothold that way; when a professed Child of God falls to that kind of temptation, they develop "chinks" or "cracks" within their armor, and the devil will come in every time.
It might start innocently enough with the porn, then eventually graduate to something worse, as sin knows NO boundaries. Sex sells, I know this; considering the strip bars, boobie places, and other kinds of places no one has any business in.
My son faced that kind of temptation on his 21st birthday, confessed it to me, and knowing I could do nothing but advise him NOT to go that route, I prayed for wisdom; and prayed for him to make what he KNEW was a right decision. I watched him wrestle with it, try and justify it, and even watched him get VERY angry because he KNEW it was wrong; NOT so much because I had taught him that; but, honestly, because the Holy Spirit was pricking his conscience hard about it.
If this is not wrong to do, WHY does God prick the heart in this matter?
Our son won the battle, and is glad now that he did, because he was blessed beyond his expectations as a result. He is unmarried, and still PURE. As intuitive as I am, I SEE this purity that still rests upon him. He doesn't view porn at all. He follows the Lord in all ways; if he didn't, the Lord would NOT have His hand upon my son.
Sin separates people from the Lord every day, and the devil laughs in his corner.
Let me tell you something else; my husband was fighting a spirit of LUST when he was viewing pornography during his MLC; to try and "save" himself from adultery. It didn't work, because the Lord allowed circumstances to catch up with him, he faced the ultimate temptation, and FAILED it; falling right into adultery.
You cannot use one sin to try and save yourself from another; it will ALL catch you every time.
For a period of time, he'd returned to a time of his life when this type of behavior was used. He had a porn problem when we were married, but broke it on his own at that time. He KNEW I was uncomfortable with it; but because of his addiction both times, I paid a heavy emotional price.
He does not view it at this time in our lives, having been freed from it for a long time; the Lord helped him because he wanted to help himself. I did my part, too; I prayed for him, and even fought for him at one point.
The Bible says you're to enjoy your wife at ALL times you're to satisfy yourself with HER breasts; NOT pictures of someone else's. (before you say it, I KNOW, she's in crisis, but still I'll make my point). It also does NOT say to use pornography in any form to "spice" up your marriage. When one prays on about a sexual issue within the marriage, God, indeed, has ways of assisting. After all, He not only created marriage, but he created the sexual union itself, and it does NOT need to be perverted with that kind of filth.
The bedroom is between the two married people, but to bring that aspect into your marriage is to invite the devil in to break up your marriage.
It's only a matter of time before the process begins. It begins with distance, and leads to the death of the relationship. The wages of sin is death; and this usually means emotional, because it separates you from your spouse, breaking a necessary connection, spiritual, because it separates you from the Lord, and mental, because the guilt and shame will create a great deal of confusion within you.
There is NO justification for what is clearly SINFUL behavior.
God would NOT be pleased with me in ANY form if I or my husband engaged in this type of behavior; this is NOT self condemnation, this is FACT; and I hold to a higher standard for myself in the way of my behavior/sexual conduct.....being pure and practicing PURITY within your marriage means NO adultery, NO "swinging behaviors, NO open marriages, and certainly NO viewing of pornography.
WHY do you think people suffer from deep guilt, and shame when they view porn in secret? This secret in time, in various other aspects destroys them mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Sin takes you farther than you ever wanted to go, and it will cost you more than you ever wanted to pay; AND, you will reap and hard, what you sow in corruption.
Porn can cause a person's expectations of their spouse in the bedroom to rise far above what it should be in the way of sexual performance/satisfaction. The spouse becomes nothing but a sex object due to the influence of pornography...and it's not respectable behavior.
It's also the doorway toward committing adultery; when one doesn't get the satisfaction they seek from their spouse; they could begin to search elsewhere, and end up doing something they can't take back.
Their state of mind becomes "altered"; and eventually; they become so deep within the addiction; it's hard for them to break the habit. It also indicates a true emotional problem when someone begins to prefer viewing porn to spending true quality time with their spouse.
Not to mention, it decreases a person's sensitivity for the feelings of their spouse....I should know, I was exposed to what happens when a man becomes addicted to it, and the door it opens when it becomes a habit.
In my opinion, ALL people who develop this unsavory habit, are AFFECTED, in turn, it affects their spouse, and it's a true "ripple effect" that occurs when sexual respect becomes lost along the way.
It's more destructive than most realize..why don't you tell these same things to the people whose marriage have ended because the porn took over their lives? I've read and heard stories again and again; of people who started out innocently out of curiosity; then once it got a foothold, it literally took over their lives, and took on a life of its own, becoming out of control; in turn, it destroys MORE than just the person who was viewing it.
I think I've said enough, and I'll get off my soapbox now.
did your W/H say they were no longer sexually attracted to you?
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