[In this for ME]

L&S
I hear you about the self esteem part!!
 This skank was a PROSTITUTE he was with. Now how the he!! am I gonna compepte with that?

 Am I going to feel like some sex goddess compared to her?I doubt it.

I haven't felt sexually desired by him for so long even when things were halfway decent because he's so non-expressive.

I don't know how long you have been standing but I thought my stand was hopeless too. Not that things are great even now that we're reconnecting and living together as a divorced couple.  But there is a glimmer of hope

[NewBeginnings]

Lets see, on my BD phone call H said, "And the sex thing, it ain't there!!!"  That really hurt.  At that time I didn't know about OW but when I did see a picture of her 2 months later, I felt really insulted by who he is with.   There is no comparison what so ever with us.
It just made me realize how lost my H really is.

[stillhopeful]

Mine h definitely suffers from Madonna/ow syndrome. His therapist even said it to him. My h said that I was too good to touch. That he couldn't use me that way. It happened really after baby #2. Let's face it these guys have so many issues its exhausting! We had a discussion over a year ago about it and I told him that I finally understood it was him and not me and that I couldn't believe he always tried to blame me. I told him that he would never break me. Having children really changed things in our marriage. We had been together nine years before we had kids and i think he really didn't want to share. He told me at BD that "I stopped loving him after the kids came". That I never rubbed his head anymore! I think most of mlc men have major sexual issues and have for years. Mine was always into very, let's say, adventerous sex. We did it everywhere. In the last few years though sex became a real chore for me. It wasn't loving at all. It always had to involve alot of talking by me and calling different names and that kind of thing. And it would go on for a long time. I realize that he was having ed issues even way back. Keep in mind that I would I to do all this after i put the kids to bed after taking care of everything all day. I guess I lost interest but who could blame me...I guess h did! :-) I would just like to add that I am a long distance runner and triathlete so I did gain weight with babies but I was never that fat. The Madonna ow thing is a tough one for sure...

[NewBeginnings]

Stillhopeful -
I believe my H was looking at porn when he was out of town during the week at his apt..   H was also having ED problems for about
1 1/2 years before BD.   Now I'm thinking it was because of the porn.    I've learned a lot about it and it will ruin a marriage.
I have talked to my Therapist about this and I told him what H said on BD so my question to him was, how come he can do it with OW and not me?   He told me because I was "to good" to do the type of sex these men who look at porn want to do.  He said H would never ask me to do that type of thing and then he said OW will.  You can tell just my looking at her in her pictures she will do whatever your H desires.   He wanted a ow and he got one.   I feel sick!

[Returned]

Mine had an ED episode right before BD. Had been cutting down on ML to only once a month or so. At BD when he said ILYBINILWY implied that he wasnt attracted any more. So yes I think it is common, although not universal. Don't feel bad, it is all in their head.

[Finding Hope]

OK ladies,

I honestly don't think that you have to compete with ows, remember they get paid by the service they perform, and as wives we cover all the bases. So, they aren't even in your ball park (pardon the pun)!

Me

[kikki]

Let's face it these guys have so many issues its exhausting!

That just about says it all!!!

After BD my H said many times 'you're so beautiful, this is not what this is about' All the while looking extremely confused.

Said twice at MC a couple of months later, when asked about our sex life.  The sex?  Shrug - well it's just sex ..........
I was so hurt, but now realise it's all part of the script 

[Covenant for Life]

My H has had a porn addiction since before we were married, though I did not find out about it until after.  He has had ED issues for much of our marriage, too,  and has blamed this on his lack of attraction for me.  Yet, when he moved out, he told me that he will probably never find another woman as attractive as me.

The porn has absolutely been a major cause of his ED problem.  And, yes, a porn addiction can absolutely erode trust.  Not to mention also ruining the LBSer's self-esteem, too.  I know now that this inability to perform was absolutely HIS issue not mine and that blaming his lack of attraction for me as a reason for his poor performance is projection.  I agree that it seems that most MLC men have major sexual issues and have had them for some time.

[In this for ME]

ANd let us not forget ladies...THEY LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING. And they LIE to themselves.

Reminds me of what Judge Judy says " The only time a teenager isn't lying is when thier they are asleep.... because their mouth isn't moving" And MLCERs are teenagers.

And I think the "too good to touch" thing is right on the money also.

[Ez]

I'm thinking only a topic about sex could get this many replies this quickly.  Thx Syn.

Until we had kids H and I had a great sex life.  During my second pregnancy with S4 I had pelvic instability and never really recovered.  I had constant pain in my pelvis and lower back and any movement (ie. Sex) exacerbated the problem.  I tried many treatments without luck and unfortunately put on too much weight making it worse.  (months ago i was finally diagnosed with severe arthritis and started treatment (anti-inflamatory medication).  For the first time in years I was pain free and our sex life improved dramatically (ok blushing now).  I  actually think it was the best it had ever been (ok really blushing now).  I actually think this really confused him because he wanted it to be about attraction and love but he just wasn't very convincing.  At least I know his last memories of our sex life were "amazing" - his words.   I personally think they fall out of love/like with themselves and lose there own sense of attraction, H also equates love to sex and it confuses him.  He has also had ED and blames it on the anxiety medication he's on, adding to the confusion.

Thx for the good laugh about having EMTs and Fire Trucks on stand by.  I can just see the look on their faces when they turn up to rescue you.

Ez xx