[LeaveThePastBehind]

The sad part is we can not show them what we are learning so it is hard to know where they are in this journey, though I am tempted to talk about transition with my W.

So true. I try to send him the information telepathically.

Oh, one other way that just popped into my head, is that I avoid things like FB, and all those gossip shows like TMZ. Does that count? I think it helps to limit the mind-pollution.

[kikki]

Interesting topic WP. 

I think I transitioned during the course of the past few years.  Have to admit I considered getting in touch with my past boyfriends.  Phoned one, and listened to his voice on his answerphone, but didn't pursue anything.  I know he always pined for me.  Told my girlfriends, he was devastated when I met my now H, and decided to end our R. 
Looked up other ex Boyfriends on FB, but didn't ask to become friends.

Can't say I ever once considered running away at that time.  Would NEVER desert my kids. 
My H didn't seem to notice my transition at all. 
I spent a lot of time alone, thinking about things from the past and looking inwards.

The running thoughts only came when my H threw our family into crisis.  I still have them.  I am so sick of this rubbish.  I'd love to leave, but would definitely take my kids.

[In this for ME]

Once again, I feel ROBBED.... because when I was in my transition... no one cared enough to even TRY to sit me down... not that I remember... it was more of a rejection of my bad behavior.... and yet HERE I AM, more knowlegable... more COMPASSIONATE and more WILLING to see this thing through..... I FEEL ROBBED!!

I feel this way but it wasn't during the ea  had many years ago, It was due to a psychotic break after taking Chantix. My whole family abandonded me. Including my daughters. ExH kept yelling he was going to divorce me. I sat for days crying for no reason and terrified to even leave the house.
I got no understanding or tenderness. No one held me or tried to talk to me or anything. I suffered for two months before it dawned on someone to take me to a doctor.

I remember thinking to myself when I identified his MLC:

 "F him- he didn't give a sh!t about me when I needed him the most"

 But found I couldn't watch a human being I spent 30 years of my life with succeed in devastating whatever we had together and destroy our family.

I have had some success; but I am divorced.

[Mamma Bear]

Oh InThis, That Chantix causes depression. One guy who took it was gonna jump off the bridge. I feel so badly that happened to you. These drugs they put out there  it blocks the receptors in the brain that makes a cigarette feel good to you. Now we find out it's doing other things as well. Glad you came through. Hugs!! hijack concluded

[HeartsBlessing]

The "key" to navigating successfully through the Transition that has been triggered by your spouse's MLC; is facing ALL issues head on; NO running away.  The only way out is through.

I've been there, too..and I've described this quite a few times in regards to myself..I spent 7 1/2 years; and I was in that long because my husband was doing his best to try and "yank" me out; and he was slowing me down.

During that time I gained a even deeper insight into what he'd faced; only this was ME facing; NOT him.

There were many aspects I learned from my own Transition that I passed along.

I also found myself going the through the same journey to wholeness and healing, but from a DIFFERENT aspect than before, one that involved ME as an individual; not so much my husband; HE was but one of my many issues that I had to work out within myself.

The urge to run, the temptation for something different, the anger, the agitation, the brain fog, the emotional pain,  even the rousing chorus that were the children of my issues, of which these were many; all of the aspects I faced within myself weren't any different than a typical MLC'er.

I'd been traumatized, abused in many ways, not to mention having continued a pattern of emotional abuse into my marriage when I married a man just like my Dad.

I've gone through emotional healing three times; once in my mid twenties, again in my early thirties, and one more time when I was finishing my Transition.

Each time, my memories went from clear to non existent.

Except for the blasted MLC, LOL!!  I went through a restoration of memories of that time, only; so I could help others for a period of time.

Otherwise, I remember various things as "facts" but the emotional memories don't exist for me anymore....I healed completely from those.

That is why I say I don't suffer any ill effects from what I've endured through...when I need a memory, it's there for the taking; like a cherry or apple tree.

FACE IT ALL the ONE time; and do it thoroughly; it is the ONLY way you won't have to face recurring cycles of Transition.

I do NOT face recurring cycles of Transition; I got it ALL the FIRST time around.  It was the one thing I was told when I found myself in Transition; and wanted out..and this was not to be.

I was seriously told that in order to come out, I would have face it ALL; process it all, and eventually heal from it all; settling it all within me for good.

There were times the Lord would bring me an issue, I would look at it, and look at Him(figuratively), but say nothing for a time.  NO, I did NOT want to do this; but He would ask me about beginning to face it, so I could work through it.

I had a LOT to face from childhood, AND from young adulthood, plus, I traveled through the highlights of each issue, including my marriage.

It's a necessary part of our growth; as long as you have issues to face, you will cycle through bouts of Transition; so it's better to get it ALL the first time.

Apply this to what's been said about the MLC'er; it's NOT that different for you...it wasn't that different for me, either.

I hope this helps.

As each person is different each Transition is going to be different; what one will face will NOT be what another will face; each person's upbringing/issues/problems are never the same although you may see deep similarities within.

Your MLC'er, for what it's worth, started their journey as a TRANSITION; how they responded/reacted to what was happening and them choosing to run from it, was what caused it to become a CRISIS.

Food for thought.

Love,
HB