[LeaveThePastBehind]

Awareness is power.

Ekhart Tolle talks about this in the video I posted earlier. Starting at 54:54 - on. In fact, I think this video is very relevant to the topic.


This is another way I learn to cope. I look up videos like this and listen to them when I can.

[WarriorPriestess]

Well it does make sense that first off one must be willing to face one's own issues.  And then, once the MLC/MLT has started, the only way out is through.  Perhaps, then, the feelings and impulses themselves are actually quite common?  I was under the impression that they were MLC specific, which is what was causing my concern. 

So ideally then, with a focus on awareness throughout the process, one can hopefully avert a crisis state, although one will still need to process fully through and complete the transition.  I liken it to St. John of the Cross' Dark Night of the Soul or the traditional Journey to the Underworld found in myths worldwide (Odysseus, Orpheus, Inanna, etc.)

Star, I agree that nature is sooooo healing on so many levels.  Animals and plants help me so much.  And my best personal therapy is still a good workout.  Thanks for the Tolle link- I love stuff like that!  While in college I did quite a bit of undergrad and graduate level crossover study in the fields of psychology, psychotherapy, spirituality, mythology and world religions, as well as reading and researching constantly on my own.  It all ties together for me on so many levels.  Really very fascinating stuff. 

[LettingGo]

I believe we have been given MULTIPLE chances in life to make aright, the things that are out of balance.... out of our understanding... if we DON'T, or we don't SEE the signs, the 
angels" sent to guide us, then we cannot avoid a transition or crisis of some sort. I know from personal experience, that while in the transition, one cannot be reasoned with... the feelings are real... so I can only IMAGNE how paranoid my MLCer really is... hard to feel compassion for him in his selfishness, though.... but I understand it on a deeper level that is not personal, but that I have personally experienced.

Once again, I feel ROBBED.... because when I was in my transition... no one cared enough to even TRY to sit me down... not that I remember... it was more of a rejection of my bad behavior.... and yet HERE I AM, more knowlegable... more COMPASSIONATE and more WILLING to see this thing through..... I FEEL ROBBED!!

So, back to the drawing board and listing all the blessing I am grateful for, including the gift of ENLIGHTENMENT!!

[Musica]

Interesting topic ... and I understand what LG means about feeling robbed! I too feel that I went through a difficult transition ... after giving birth to twins, leaving my career, moving house, and having my parents' health failing, I felt like running away from it all on many occasions, but at the time my H had no understanding of my feelings, he thought I should have been the happiest woman in the world.

He has talked about that time quite recently, and says he just didn't understand then how I could be feeling low, as I had everything I wanted ... a lovely house, children, a good husband. I think he understands more now, and I do think he is grateful that I understand his feelings. I can't remember being generally selfish then, but I know I didn't give my H the love he needed then, my time, and my emotional energy was given to my babies and my parents. I somehow thought he should understand ... but he didn't, and he became resentful .... I think that's when our problems started, as I admit I too resented his lack of understanding.

As for running now ... having teenagers can make you want to scream, hibernate, and tear your hair out at times, and yes sometimes I do feel trapped  ... but I could NEVER run and leave them, NEVER and I am absolutely 100% sure of that. In a few years they will be leaving ... then I will have my time again. With H or without him ... at the moment its his choice.  But yes LG I kind of feel robbed too.
xxxxx

xxxxx

[Thundarr]

Syn,

You may not remember, especially if it happened between 3 and 7 years old.  That's a sign if PTSD in that our memories can become very clouded.  Be wary of false memories though, and also "vicarious traumatizations.". Often we subconsciously take on the pain of what others have gone through.

Add me to the list if people who worry about this, although I don't feel I'm high risk personality-wise.  I could be wrong, though.

[Synicca]

Thanks Thundarr,

I really felt that "something" happened when I was young...I have such a horrible memory..litterally large amounts of blanks.

I don't remember ANYTHING until I was in 2nd grade. but even that is blurry. The reason I feel like something happened is because I had "fears" of being trapped...for instance..and this may sound strange, but when I go to a restaurant I cant sit in a booth if I cant be on the end...you know, being trapped?? ( hope that makes sense)

also, when I was in second grade...I was walking through our town HIghschool...( by myself) ugh! and a man exposed himself to me and I ran like there was no tomorrow, but I felt trapped behind the fences and he kept following me. maybe it comes from that?? I don't know..But I do worry that it may surface later and I freak out! MLC isn't fun!! argh!

[LeaveThePastBehind]

Star, I agree that nature is sooooo healing on so many levels.  Animals and plants help me so much.  And my best personal therapy is still a good workout.  Thanks for the Tolle link- I love stuff like that!  While in college I did quite a bit of undergrad and graduate level crossover study in the fields of psychology, psychotherapy, spirituality, mythology and world religions, as well as reading and researching constantly on my own.  It all ties together for me on so many levels.  Really very fascinating stuff. 

No Problem! I find it all very interesting as well.

[BonBon]

I felt robbed twice in my life....always at the hands of what other people did to me.
The first time was my ex fiance...the liar and cheater robbed me of seven years that were all a big, fat lie.  I was devoted and helpful to him and he screwed me but good.  THAT made me feel robbed.

So we parted and I nearly destroyed myself.  I was so hurt at the time.  I acted out, with selfishness and blindness and I didn't hurt anyone else but came very close.  I felt justified to do whatever I wanted because I had been hurt, too many times, and too severly.  In a word, I was having one hell of a tantrum that lasted a few years.  It is an ugly chapter in my life that I'd just soon forget.  Again, I never hurt anyone...but I could have...(emotionally I mean).  I guess physically too since I was drinking alot and driving.  What an ass I was.  I would get drunk, go to my apartment, fall into a fetal position and cry to God as to why I was being robbed of a happy life.

I finally realized it was because of the choices I made...not someone else....and it was time to step up and get the hell over myself.  I'd like to forget my actions but I won't forget the lesson.

This time around, dealing with H's MLC, I felt robbed too...but robbed of the security and trust I had.  I think that's normal.  But I don't really feel that all that intensely anymore.  And I don't blame God this time, on the contrary.  I blame my H.  But I hope that forgiveness will come and he robbed himself worse than he robbed me.  He had it all...he doesn't now and maybe he will again but not without alot of work.  In the mean time, I made a concious decision not to act out, not to make myself feel better for a few seconds by being an ass to match H's ass-ness (not a word...I know). 

I have found that living with, and reading about, MLCers selfishness has become so repugnant to me, so intensely distasteful, I will carry that wisdom with me forever.  Life is not about me...not even my own life.  I can take time for me and do things for myself but the minute I think its all about ME, I'm no better than an MLCer.  It time to pay it foward because no matter what I've been through, I've got an awful lot.  There are days when my feelings are just about myself but I'm still trying to help others, to love my family and my dog and yes, my H as well.  I guess I've learned alot...that's good.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

This time around, dealing with H's MLC, I felt robbed too...but robbed of the security and trust I had.  I think that's normal.  But I don't really feel that all that intensely anymore.  And I don't blame God this time, on the contrary.  I blame my H.  But I hope that forgiveness will come and he robbed himself worse than he robbed me.  He had it all...he doesn't now and maybe he will again but not without alot of work.  In the mean time, I made a concious decision not to act out, not to make myself feel better for a few seconds by being an ass to match H's ass-ness (not a word...I know).

I think you meant a$$itude.

[hopingfourbetter]

WP,
  Good topic here, it helps me realize that I was MLT/MLC for almost 3 years at least, before I helped push my wife away into her MLT/MLC. 6 years later when I discovered what I thought was an EA that my W was having with her ex h, was the point I finally figured something was wrong, real wrong. I new we were struggling but this was the straw that broke me. I have been trying to correct and fix within me since discovering EA.
 
  I think my W was on the brink of MLC when I discovered her EA. This I think was our turning point. MLT/MLC is not something that is easily fixed I can say that for sure. As we hear all the time, we need time to fix or heal ourselves and we can only hope our spouse is doing the same. The sad part is we can not show them what we are learning so it is hard to know where they are in this journey, though I am tempted to talk about transition with my W.

  For the last couple of years I have been trying to put this all on my W. Even while I was working on me I put most of the blame on her. How dumb can one be, it takes two to tango!           
             Hfb