[LettingGo]

My least favorite part of the MLC is the casual way the cruelest words are tossed at us, and then the lack of comprehension how crushing it all is.

So true..... my husband is SO oblivious and insensitive! Although, to hear him describe himself, he's a great guy who's always trying to make me happy and do the right thing by me  Not sure how the lying and cheating fits in with his opinion of himself... I guess OW has really convinced him he can do no wrong, HAHAHA!

[BonBon]

Holy cow...
Reading these words from all of our spouses....then hearing they all seem to think they are being kind and normal or as I have heard in the past "well, you want me to be honest, right?".....

Is it a stretch to think they are insane?  I mean, really, delusional?  Crazy? 
Makes me wonder if I should have called for the men in the white coats a long time ago.

Bonnie.

[LettingGo]

No, it's not a stretch to think they are insane... they are temporarily mentally disabled and that's not a joke. However, it is also a case of UNFETTERED SELF WILL.... the outer child is IN CONTROL and running wild and amok. All the while, hurting their inner, true, child and everyone else around them. They have to figure out the OUTER CHILD must be chained like the Hulk or OUTER CHILD will kill them.

[LoveMeMyself]

This is a very true and scarey concept.  I found myself able to have some compassion and sympathy towards my xH after I realized that he was truly suffering from this "mental illness".  It was truly sad and an eye opener once I discovered what was happening to him.  At some point in the early stages of this I said to him, "I understand a little better now about what you did and why".  He said, "I don't understand it and I wish I did".  He wouldn't look directly at me for the longest time and when he would look at me he refused to take off his sun glasses.  He didn't want me to see his eyes.  There were other times that I did see his eyes and they were so empty.......so void of anything.  He expressed to me several times that he was "dead inside", empty of all feelings.  It truly breaks my heart every time I think about it. 

[justkeepmoving]

Yup, the few encounters I have had with my H he always wears his sunglasses and when he did take them off big dark circles.  I think they try to show us they are happy without us but the eyes are the window to the soul.

[In this for ME]

Yep- but that's where they have to get to in order to rebuild themselves.

I have (or had) a niece who is a drill sargent in the air force. Sweetest looking girl you ever saw. She told me that's what happens when someone joins the military. Her job is to break that person down and then rebuild them. It is a very systematic, sometimes humilating, and can be degrading before the rebuild comes.

That is what they are doing to themselves.

 It is agonizing to watch and you wish they would just listen to you or somehow you could just hook your brain up to their's to give it a jump start.

I sometimes imagine the scene in the Matrix where Keeanu Reeves is hooked up to the computer that just feeds this information into his brain and he automatically learns Judo, and Karate and how to operate different things.

Wouldn't it be great if we could take these MLCer's somewhere and get thier brain reprogrammed? Think of all the suffering that would be avoided.

[LoveMeMyself]

JustKeeping........That is so true........their eyes are the windows to their souls!  It was very scarey for me to see that dead and emptiness in his eyes.  My xH has beautiful eyes and they looked so evil and satanic!  That has been at least 6 months ago.  The last time I saw him was back in October and they weren't as bad looking but they still had that "foggy" look to them. 

I wish we could reprogram their brains......never thought about it but that would certainly be great!  With all the technology we have access to today........you would think.........maybe somebody can work on that idea!  ha, ha.

[Metal]

Here's some things from my W, during the last 2 months.

• Not loved you in 4 years
• You haven't changed
• I have to leave
• I can't survive here
• You'll really like OM, he's a lot like you.
• Kids will be happier when we are apart.
• You never took me out
• You controlled me
• Life is worth living, for me.
• Divorce isn't wrong, it's in the bible (W was a strong christian)
• It's more a Sin to live life unhappy, and in conflict
• I left you, not the kids
• There's a crazy person living in my mind
• We are not compatible.
• I'm not the kind of W that you want.
• You should go and find a W that you will like.
• Maybe we can get back together in a year, when you grow up.
• We will always have an R since we have kids.
• Stop telling people I'm MLC, I'm just being myself.
• I am Done

[Rollercoasterider]

I split this thread into 2. It is continued  here.
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1707.0;all