[1phoenix]

Has anyone tried aromatherapy at home with their spouse?

Maybe some calming or anti-depressant scents in the house?  Maybe the same scents in the laundry or in perfume/cologne?

Just wondering if anyone has tried this and what the results were.

[bluerose]

     I have mot tried that but right after bd i read somewhere that st. Johns wart might help. I bought some for h and he took it for a couple if days. When i asked him if he was still taking it, he said no why should i . your the one who needs it. A couple of months later he started buying vitamins. 2 or 3 bottles of different kinds.

[CanLetGo]

Not quite what you are saying 1phoenix, but my friend did give me her 'happy spray' from her crystal healer approx 3 years ago, which would be along the same lines as aromatherapy I guess. The first night she gave it to me I sprayed it on H's pillow in the study where he was sleeping, and also in my bedroom.  Within an hour I happened to be in the doorway of his room and saw him put his PIN into his iPad.  The next morning he went for a walk, and of course I looked at his iPad, which confirmed my suspicions as to why my H had been acting so weird. Search history included OW's name (I had pretty much worked that out), 'pregnancy glandular fever', 'paternity testing'...so I found out a few other things as well...so anyway, long story short, I attribute this to the happy spray leading me to seeing his PIN!!! I would definitely try the aromatherapy, surely it can't do any harm (I know you are thinking of using it for different reasons to my story above, lol, ie good not evil!!!). Think I might try some calming aromatherapy for myself, you have given me a good idea!

Bluerose, I have been using St Johns Wort for the last couple of months, I think it is helpful for me to reduce my anxiety a little. Even if it is a placebo, if it does the trick I am happy, I do need some help for my anxiety, and it is much more palatable for me than the escitalopram I was using early on (not in any way against prescription medication - I wouldn't have gotten through the early days without it, but reluctant to go back on them, as I found coming off them tricky)

Sorry if I have gone off topic on your thread 1p!!!

[1phoenix]

Not at all.

Just been thinking that we all seem to agree that there is something out of 'whack' with their brains, so there may be something to a calming scent in the home to help keep the monster down a little.

Unfortunately, I do not have anyone to experiment on, otherwise I would

[CanLetGo]

Wouldn't it be great if it had a positive impact. Will be watching with interest to see if anyone replies with positive results they have had! I don't have anyone to experiment on either, so think I will experiment on myself, happy to be the best I can be 

[Not Applicable]

This says everything you need to know to understand them:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZR64EF3OpA

The moral of the story is we all need to be like Toto and expose them for their true selves that we know and love.

[Never say never]

I agree, that is the moral of the story.

The question is, how do we do that???  I want a Toto in my life

[UnbrokenLioness]

You would think the Toto in mlcer's life would be their loved ones. But, sadly, they let it go as to not "upset" the mlcer. Even though they know that what their loved one is doing is wrong.

It would be nice to have a Toto. Someone to say "Hey. Who are you? Are you even (insert name)? You look like her/him but certainly don't act like (name)." But as LBS, we know the truth and can only get through this as best as we can.

[Watcher]

Maybe they already realize that we are Toto. We are their reflection and that's why they run. Yesterday we had a conversation about my graying hair and ageing. She hides her ageing. I embrace it. She see's me and I expose what she is really running from. Her authentic self.

[Not Applicable]

I think that is true, Watcher. We are Toto, but I am not sure it is because we are a reflection, but rather we KNOW them. They can't pull the wool over our eyes with their changed behavior.

In my H's case, he can fool OW because she didn't know him before MLC, and he can fool MIL because she knew him when he was a child and that is the age he is acting now. Only I have lived with him as a mentally mature adult and can really see how the Wizard is NOT him.

MendingLioness, I actually have done that a couple times when he was monstering. I told him this was not him, that he was better than this and the man I married does not act this way.